iPhone Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 This isn't my first breakup, nor my first time here. But this one hurts even more than last time (which is hellish to even imagine, as last time nearly killed me). We were together for 4 years. We argued often, and some was my fault, some were hers. However, we never gave up on each other. About a week ago, she told me she lost that attraction. I know what caused it. I had been an *** ****, to be honest. And I'm not beating myself up on this, I know it from an honest view point. The trauma has shocked me and changed me in ways I can't describe. We have hung out since the breakup, and even cuddled, and she said she is making progress with herself too. But I know the odds of getting back together, because this isn't my first time. I can honestly say though that I feel like not living. Which is horrible. It is the worst. I don't know how many of you are going through the same right now, but maybe we could make a support system for each other. I wouldn't mind talking to some people every day to get through it. If I can get through it. I can't describe the agony of dreaming every night, and waking up to the realization. It is harder than when my mom died.
Author iPhone Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 So after 4 years, she breaks up with me. Less than 9 days ago. Today I find out she's at a guys house 11 years older than her (she's 21). Freaking creep. And I can't believe she betrayed me like this. She was not easy to date. Bipolar and borderline personality disorder. But I stick by and this is what I get. I feel like dying.
rosedl Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 She is young. It will take a lot of therapy and personal responsibility to address these issues. I am sorry that you got hurt. I know this is no consolation now, but it may ultimately be better to free yourself from a partnership with a woman who hasn't fully addressed her own issues and can't give you the fidelity and commitment you need. I know it sucks. Hugs 1
Author iPhone Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Thank you, I appreciate it. It's just so hellish, the agony. The dreams. Then coming face to face with this new hell is beyond words. I trusted her more than my own family, for four years, I told myself she had issues but she was trust worthy and we would always work it out. Then she does this. I cannot describe the agony of finding out the only person you've loved or trusted for years, that you spent every day with, went behind your back and ripped your soul out.
rosedl Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 No need to describe the agony. All too familiar. It is a psychic car crash. Right now, all you can do is take it minute by minute, hour by hour. Do NOT engage with her. Stay away from her entirely and cease all communication. You are too hurt, angry, and upset to have any type of sane conversation. Do you have any good friends or family that you can be with right now?
Author iPhone Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Honestly no I have no one really. I have friends but they're married and don't understand the intense pain. That's the worst part you know? The other worst part is this guy has two DUIs, an assault charge, is 32 with no degree, and works for minimum wage. That's the thing.
rosedl Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 She is young and not well. It is not your job to save her. She will need to get help to deal with her issues and it may take her a long time before she is ready to do that... I would seek out a therapist during this time. You need support and someone to talk to during this struggle.
SCJACK Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 This dude is probably either a rebound or she doesn't know what the h3ll she's doing. Keep walking and don't look back.
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Being in ANY kind of relationship with a BPD/Borderline will literally make YOU crazy!!! To expect her to be healthy is YOUR insanity. My God....please take a look at your issues to find out why/how you are even attracted to someone so very sick. Borderlines are incapable of loving ANYONE. BPD only makes it worse. My friend...get help for yourself. You can recover, but obsessing over what she is doing and with whom will lead you to deep, dark pain. You have been freed from torture. 1
Author iPhone Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) Thank you guys so much. Biggirlpanties, you nailed it. I was just afraid of being lonely, and put up with the hell. I got what I deserved. I got my payback though tonight. I know no one advocates this but for everyone who wishes they tore their ex apart, I scored one for us tonight. I went over, called her a pathological liar (which she clearly is), and then confronted her, and congratulated her that 9 days after we broke up, she is talking to someone... a guy who is a 2 time DUI felon with a violent charge on top of it. He got the violent charge for beating up a guy who slept with his wife -- yet this guy is with my fiance not even 9 days separated. I told her congratulations. Then I went into her grandparents house, and let them know where their grand daughter was today while they were watching her son. I could've took the high road, and been kind. But I couldn't deal with her playing me (even 2 days ago she said she was doing better and we should go on some dates). She blamed me all along, and I was an *** ****, but now I see why I was that way 2 years into the relationship and why I wasn't that way before then -- because she hadn't built up my resentment for her yet -- she hadn't made me have a disdain for her yet. Funny thing is, I blamed myself even earlier today -- but I've been awoken. I see the demon she is, and the hell her life is and the hell she will inflict on others. Edited February 13, 2014 by iPhone
what_a_blonde Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) I can imagine how painful this could be... but I'm glad to see that you're realizing that this is something that was out of your control and that there's more for you out there. The healing process is going to be rough, but stick to your guns. From the little details you've provided, it sounds like you will definitely be suited best moving on and NEVER looking back. Don't allow her to play with your emotions of starting to talk to another man and then wanting to go on dates with you and try to string you along. This can be hard because you've been with her so long and you've become so attached, however you have to start to distance yourself. Find time to meet with those married friends. Rekindle friendships with old friends who might be single that you haven't hung out with for a while (guys), so you can have some quality bro time and adjust to single life as a guy again. I know a guy who was in your exact situation. His mother had passed away just a month or two before he found out his fiancee cheated on him (which was also 5 months before their wedding date). They had been together 5 years. After his mom passed, he didn't have much family either because his fiancee's family had become his family. No doubt was it hard on him with this happening all at once... but he seems to be doing ok now. Sure, I know things probably still hurt him alot. However from what I've seen he is adjusting to single life well, has bought a house of his own, and is making tons of friends outside of the circle he had built when it was just the two of them. Life will throw curve balls like this but DO NOT GIVE UP. Edited February 13, 2014 by what_a_blonde
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