sportzhl24 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 These past few days have been bad. I am 6.5 months post BU and I seem to just ride this emotional rollercoaster with no control or end in sight. I convince myself that maybe because it was a sort of mutual break up that maybe she would hear me out if I contacted her, then I think it's a bad idea and that I would embarrass myself, then it's a good idea again, etc . I just want this to end. I want to stop thinking about how beautiful she looked when she slept. I almost wish she was dead so that I could stop picturing her with other men. But in reality it is I who should be dead so I don't have to deal with this pain any longer. That deep, dark feeling of rejection and worthlessness that seems to toil on infinitely. I try to give people advice on here but it's just hypocritical of me
xUnknown Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Sometimes that advice you isn't for others, its for yourself. Keep doing it. It helps reinforce what you know you need to do. 2
rosedl Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 It would probably be a good idea to see a therapist at this point. If you are feeling suicidal and hopeless after this long (not that the pain should be completely gone, but you should be feeling slowly better not worse), you need additional support. I am so sorry you are struggling. I have gone through those dark periods with this break up right after it occurred and I didn't want to live anymore. I actually had pneumonia and I wasn't going to the doctor because part of me was hoping it would end it for me. My sister ended up intervening and taking me to her house and brought me to a clinic. I had the flu, pneumonia, bronchitis, and a sinus infection. Took me a long time to recover because I was willing it the other way. Near four weeks bedridden. It has finally started to turn, still struggle but not as intense. Everything fell apart this winter, not just the relationship and getting the will and energy to even care, let alone try has been Herculean but it is slowly coming. Be patient with yourself, reach out for help, understand that it will pass (I promise this is true, I have been through break ups before and I have suffered crippling depression and it has never not gotten better). Try not get caught up in thoughts of worrying about the future and dwelling on the past. Notice your thoughts but don't hold them. Hugs. 2
Author sportzhl24 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 It would probably be a good idea to see a therapist at this point. If you are feeling suicidal and hopeless after this long (not that the pain should be completely gone, but you should be feeling slowly better not worse), you need additional support. I am so sorry you are struggling. I have gone through those dark periods with this break up right after it occurred and I didn't want to live anymore. I actually had pneumonia and I wasn't going to the doctor because part of me was hoping it would end it for me. My sister ended up intervening and taking me to her house and brought me to a clinic. I had the flu, pneumonia, bronchitis, and a sinus infection. Took me a long time to recover because I was willing it the other way. Near four weeks bedridden. It has finally started to turn, still struggle but not as intense. Everything fell apart this winter, not just the relationship and getting the will and energy to even care, let alone try has been Herculean but it is slowly coming. Be patient with yourself, reach out for help, understand that it will pass (I promise this is true, I have been through break ups before and I have suffered crippling depression and it has never not gotten better). Try not get caught up in thoughts of worrying about the future and dwelling on the past. Notice your thoughts but don't hold them. Hugs. Thank you and I'm glad you are still with us after that. I just want some consistency in my life. I want to feel good, consistently for once.
flightplan Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Hey, you're not alone. I was doing pretty good the last few weeks, but for some reason, it's hitting me hard the last couple of days. The only thing that keeps me from reaching out to her is imagining what it would feel like if she told me she was dating someone else or had no interest in hearing from me. It stops me cold in my tracks, so NC is still in effect, but like you, it sure would be nice to get some consistency. It'll happen... just more time. 1
rosedl Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Maybe it is something in the air. It hasn't been this bad since three weeks ago. Not great. But, better. This is terrible.
oracle Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Ya the last two weeks its really been in my head a lot. I almost think I was doing better 2 mos ago immediately after the divorce 1
Author sportzhl24 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Ya the last two weeks its really been in my head a lot. I almost think I was doing better 2 mos ago immediately after the divorce Yeah I know what you mean, it's like the shock of a breakup numbs you, then reality sets in. I'm not even sure I'll be able to emotionally invest in somebody to that level again. Not sure it's worth it.
Gemini x Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Yeah I know what you mean, it's like the shock of a breakup numbs you, then reality sets in. I'm not even sure I'll be able to emotionally invest in somebody to that level again. Not sure it's worth it. I know how you're feeling. I was doing okay yesterday, a slight feeling of indifference, and today it's pure hell. I feel empty and dead inside. I want to reach out to him but the pain of possibly hearing he's moved on or he doesn't love me anymore keeps me from doing so. I just hope this feeling doesn't carry on for 6 months. I can't imagine that. I feel like I've had enough over the last 2 weeks to last a lifetime. I posted on my BU post that I don't think I'll ever be as emotionally invested in someone like I was my ex. As of right now this BU has changed me. My thinking and feelings about relationships and getting close to somebody. I knows it's going to take time, though, but I just don't see myself having the desire to get close to someone again, at least not for a *very* long time. You're not alone. A lot of us are feeling the same way you are and just trying to take it day by day. xx
picnicinthepark Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Hey guys everything is going to be okay! Say it with me! EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY! Today is exactly a month since my ex of almost 5 years left me. I was recently laid off, moved out of our apartment in the city, and now I'm living with my parents out in the middle of nowhere. Things couldn't be better! Life is a mother****er. But I genuinely believe that the setbacks we encounter in our lives only make us stronger. We are stronger! Just know that you are loved and you are capable of great love. One day we're not going to hurt anymore and we will have learned to truly love ourselves. One day we'll meet that person who will sweep us off our feet and we will be happier than we've ever been before! I know it sounds like a load of bull**** (I think so too) but its true and that is the only thing that gets me up in the morning. Hang in there! Say it with me... EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY! 1
Author sportzhl24 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Hey guys everything is going to be okay! Say it with me! EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY! Today is exactly a month since my ex of almost 5 years left me. I was recently laid off, moved out of our apartment in the city, and now I'm living with my parents out in the middle of nowhere. Things couldn't be better! Life is a mother****er. But I genuinely believe that the setbacks we encounter in our lives only make us stronger. We are stronger! Just know that you are loved and you are capable of great love. One day we're not going to hurt anymore and we will have learned to truly love ourselves. One day we'll meet that person who will sweep us off our feet and we will be happier than we've ever been before! I know it sounds like a load of bull**** (I think so too) but its true and that is the only thing that gets me up in the morning. Hang in there! Say it with me... EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY! Hang in there dude.
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