SugarAzn Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I recently got in a car accident which prevented me from visiting my SO. I didn't think would be a big deal and now I'm in a hard cast and mandated to t=have physical therapy until further noticed. my SO and I just talked bout what the future would hold and honestly, its either he still moves to Cali and hopes I get better in time or he moves back home to the Virgin Islands because he cant take living in FL anymore. I honestly think that him going home is the smarter option but I don't know if I can hold on for him to get on his feet if he were to go home. He basically drew out what he could do if he moved home... I still and always will love him but when do you draw the line between what is good for the couple as a whole and for yourself as an individual? Im 20 he's 25
justwhoiam Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Ever feel like life just keeps spitting on you? Oh yeah... But it's on and off luckily... so I can enjoy the nice moments inbetween.......... when do you draw the line between what is good for the couple as a whole and for yourself as an individual? Im 20 he's 25 I didn't understand 1) why he can't stay where he currently lives 2) what he would do in cali (besides being with you) 3) what would change if he went back home 4) if he was planning to move to cali, why would your accident change anything
Author SugarAzn Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 1. we had discussed him living with me in Cali and already turned in his notice to leave his apartment complex. He doesn't seem willing to live in FL any longer 2. Theres a branch of his current job here in California so he'd transfer here but things keep happening to hinder his move, most finances and the idea of "living in sin". Im Korean and he's black/Caribbean so parents aren't exactly enthused that we're dating. 3. We discussed it and he made it clear he wouldnt go back. but originally it wouldve helped him financially advance faster but then we didn't know how long THAT would take. 4. like ( 1. ) the plan was that I had an apartment ready so that he could send some of his stuff over and all he had to do was buy a one way ticket here to his new home. * Recovering is taking longer than expected and my mother is making it a point that i better not have anyone over at my place and starts tangents on staying for holidays. I dont think its right that id have to erase my bf's existence from the apartment when and if my parents visit but at the same time, co-habituating is what I want.
CherryT Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 1. we had discussed him living with me in Cali and already turned in his notice to leave his apartment complex. He doesn't seem willing to live in FL any longer 2. Theres a branch of his current job here in California so he'd transfer here but things keep happening to hinder his move, most finances and the idea of "living in sin". Im Korean and he's black/Caribbean so parents aren't exactly enthused that we're dating. 3. We discussed it and he made it clear he wouldnt go back. but originally it wouldve helped him financially advance faster but then we didn't know how long THAT would take. 4. like ( 1. ) the plan was that I had an apartment ready so that he could send some of his stuff over and all he had to do was buy a one way ticket here to his new home. * Recovering is taking longer than expected and my mother is making it a point that i better not have anyone over at my place and starts tangents on staying for holidays. I dont think its right that id have to erase my bf's existence from the apartment when and if my parents visit but at the same time, co-habituating is what I want. Finances are important, especially if you're in a LD relationship. Sometimes you think him choosing to go home, to get his life together, is more about him and not the relationship. But that's not always the case. Him wanting to be financially smart and stable is about the relationship too. My Fiance and I could've moved sooner, but we thought it would be smarter if we stayed where we were to financially prepare ourselves for the move. We ended up doing LD for an extra year and a half. Although I could've found work where he is, it wouldn't have been the same. We both owned our own places, so logistically, we had to plan for it. Do you know if the transfer is 100% certain? Is there an available position for him? Is he in debt? Moving home will allow him to pay off some of the debt without having to pay much rent.
TaraMaiden Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Ever feel like life just keeps spitting on you? yes. it also keeps pi$$ing up my leg and assuring me it's rainwater. Still, at least it keeps my dry skin at bay.
clia Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 1. we had discussed him living with me in Cali and already turned in his notice to leave his apartment complex. He doesn't seem willing to live in FL any longer I don't know...I tend to think it's a bad idea to jump straight from a long distance relationship to living together, especially when you are so young. Is there any reason why he can't get his own place for, say, six months so the two of you can see how it goes when you are in a normal relationship? Really, what is the rush to live together? There is no need to do that and it is a bad idea if you are doing it primarily for financial reasons. 2. Theres a branch of his current job here in California so he'd transfer here but things keep happening to hinder his move, most finances and the idea of "living in sin". Im Korean and he's black/Caribbean so parents aren't exactly enthused that we're dating. I don't see how any of these hindrances have anything to do with his job. Does he have the transfer? Is his job lined up? If so, why can't he just rent his own apartment for a little while? Maybe if your parents get a chance to meet him they might not be so opposed to it. I would think it is a lot to spring on them all at once -- him moving to your city and moving in with you. 4. like ( 1. ) the plan was that I had an apartment ready so that he could send some of his stuff over and all he had to do was buy a one way ticket here to his new home. Do you have the apartment ready or has your accident prevented that? Recovering is taking longer than expected and my mother is making it a point that i better not have anyone over at my place and starts tangents on staying for holidays. I dont think its right that id have to erase my bf's existence from the apartment when and if my parents visit but at the same time, co-habituating is what I want. You are 19 and an adult, so you can do what you want and live with who you want. Oh...wait...are your parents paying your rent and for your schooling? If so, you might have to suck it up and do what they want you to do. Again...why do you want to co-habitate with him so badly? What would be the harm in having him get an apartment nearby you? You could still see each other, but it would give you a chance to adjust to your relationship and still respect your parents' wishes.
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