kanga Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 OK, so after I thought I was making an amazing amount of progress with the boy, I'm feeling really crappy and uncertain about things. Saurday, at is explains in my previous post, was a big disappointment, probably caused in part by my overreaction to things as well as high expectations of the day's outcome. He called me briefly on Sunday morning, but there was no mention of the previous day's events. Just some blahblahing about current events, etc. Yesterday (Monday) I didn't hear a word from him. No phone call. No IM. This happens sometimes, and I know that no one needs to talk everyday, but of course I'm overthinking it. I feel like I'm losing him. And part of me wonders if it's true about wanting what you can't have. For the first few months of our psuedo-dating/flirting/whatever thing, I think I was sending negative signals that said I wasn't certain about him. Since the new year, however, I've been consciously working at showing him I am interested. Should I go back to acting ambivalent? Should I go back to making the effort to see other people? I don't understand how this Cold War breaks down if both people are supposed to act unavailable and wait for the other to make the move.
iceisles Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 I'd say the fact that he called you Sunday, even for a little while, is pretty good. Your "expectations of the day's outcome" is the same thing I have been suffering from. When you expect good/big things to happen, you are often disappointed. For example, I thought my love interest would call yesterday on my day off, but she didn't. Should I have been letdown by that? Of course not. Somehow, I was though. What makes you feel like you are losing him the most? The not talking everyday? Or are the conversations just lacking any kind of emotion or depth? If you were sending negative signals for the "first few months", it is likely that he has taken that as a lack of interest. I surely would. People just don't wait that long to get a positive response. At this point, I would NOT go back to being ambivalent. Continue talking, flirting, etc. Maintain interest in him and see how he responds. If it seems like he is remaining distant, then perhaps you should consider dating other people. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's not any fun.
Author kanga Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 thanks again for the advice, iceisles. i guess i feel like i'm going to lose him because .... i don't know why. maybe it's because i just had so much confidence after the wonderfulness of the last week, and now i'm questioning that. i'm still really hung up about saturday. which is totally silly. because i'm sure i overreacted. in my little stupid-girl brain, i see it like a plan plotted against me. he invited the ex-gf to just screw with my head. but rational me knows this isn't true. rational me knows he invited a group of people, and she happens -- for whatever reason -- to still be a part of that group. i don't usually expect a call everyday, but yesterday i thought he'd communicate with me in some way because he started a new job. seems like someone whom he'd want to consider a gf would be one of the firsts to hear how it went.
iceisles Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 I am always happy to help. It's pretty normal for confidence to wane early on. I'm going through a rough stretch of that right now. There are just so many variables that cause anxiety, and oftentimes we are left wondering what the other person is thinking or doing. I wouldn't say you overreacted Saturday, but I don't think it was that big of a deal. Like you said, she's probably still part of that group. If it were me, though, I would not have invited the ex if you were going to be there. Not all guys have a bright bulb burning upstairs, though. It's good that you don't expect a call everyday. If you're like me, you would love one. I'd even settle for a short e-mail every day, but I don't get that either. It all falls back to expectation, though. Step back and ask yourself what is a reasonable expectation? He will probably tell you about his new job, but may be in no rush to do it. Sometimes the wheels just don't turn as quick as we'd like them to.
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