hea Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Now I know many of you will read this and think I'm some cynical, miserable trout who needs to get a grip, but it is something that I've been thinking a lot about and if I'm honest I'm loosing faith in it all. I grew up watching films and reading books where the characters meet and fall in love and live happily ever after. So I've grown up thinking an aim in life is to meet someone, fall in love, get married, have children, and live happily ever after. Now obviously I'm an adult now and I know it doesn't happen like that. But the more I see of relationships its made me think does love exist or are we all just kidding ourselves? Ive only had one relationship, but being around friends and hearing of different relationships, its making me think that we are all just out for ourselves. The girl I work with for example, shes 24, has been with her bf for 9 years. They live together, and don't seem to have any problems. Now over the past few months, he has been a bit off, and it turns out he wants to split up with her and he hasn't given a proper reason. They don't argue, neither has cheated, and they both see each other as their best friends. By the sounds of it he wants to go and live in a city with his mates, and its like he wants to be young, and feels like he is missing out on something and doesn't want to settle for the first girl he meets. Although when he split with her he said 'I can still speak to you and that can't I?'. (Er NO!) When really he means 'after ive done my own thing can I come back to you?'. He is being purely selfish. Whilst he is living the bachelor life, my friend is crying her eyes out over what could have been. I see so many cases like this, and the situation with my ex is very similar. What do they think they are missing out on? Surely what they are missing out on is having a good relationship with their best friend? I have been reading an old romance novel, and im at a point in the story where the lead characters parents have died. And shes a mess, keeping herself to herself. Her husband and herself, in true love story style, love one another unconditionally. BUT... whilst she is upset, her husband has grown an attraction for her cousin (who lives with them) and he goes and cheats on her. All the while the wife is struggling to cope. And it makes me think, this would happen in real life! Instead of being there for his wife, hes gone and found excitement elsewhere. That's not love!!!!! I just don't think love exists, everyone is out for themselves. People only marry and settle, not when they have found someone they (so called) love, but when they are read to settle. And they will probably marry the one they are with at the time. Not because they have found 'the one' (which is also a load of crap). Rant over. Please let me know your views because im really loosing faith!
TaraMaiden Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 My honest opinion of your post, can be summed up like this: It's "losing" not "Loosing". 1
Author hea Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 My honest opinion of your post, can be summed up like this: It's "losing" not "Loosing". oh, of one word? ok miss/mr perfect.
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Of course love exists but it doesn't look anything like the romance & the movies. Love isn't about riding off into the sunset. There's a reason the fantasy ends there because it gets HARD after that. Love is about paying the bills, & being there when you are sick, & holding the other person when they cry. Anybody can be there when everything is great. Who's there when it all goes to heck is the true test. I think it was Oprah who said, don't worry about who gets in the limo with you when times are good; pay attention to who is sitting next to you on the bus when times are bad. Or something like that. You are in a negative head space about love which is why you are focused on the bad, like the end of your 24 year old colleague's 9 year romance. (The reason for the end of that is simply that it's over because very people spend the rest of their lives with somebody they started dating at 15). 1
Taramere Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 People only marry and settle, not when they have found someone they (so called) love, but when they are read to settle. And they will probably marry the one they are with at the time. Not because they have found 'the one' (which is also a load of crap). Rant over. Please let me know your views because im really loosing faith! As being single is my default state and I don't really seem to be cut out for relationships, I'm not sure whether I'm equipped to comment - but I will try. I've been what I would call properly in love only once (the rest were just infatuations). I think he was in love with me too, for a while, but it was romantic love - with none of the more familial type of love I felt (as well as romantic love) for him. The familial love is of the "till death do us part, in sickness and in health" type love. Ideally you find somebody you have both romantic and familial love for - but I think it can be difficult to balance those two types of love (that possibly being one of the main reasons for affairs, as people go off to chase pure romantic love with none of the somewhat passion killing sensation that familial love can bring). Romantic love - something more soulful and special than pure lust. It gives people that happy, mushy, dewy eyed sensation, and it's something everybody should feel at some point, but you can't bank on it developing into the more substantial familial type of love that keeps couples together. 1
Author hea Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Of course love exists but it doesn't look anything like the romance & the movies. Love isn't about riding off into the sunset. There's a reason the fantasy ends there because it gets HARD after that. Love is about paying the bills, & being there when you are sick, & holding the other person when they cry. Anybody can be there when everything is great. Who's there when it all goes to heck is the true test. I think it was Oprah who said, don't worry about who gets in the limo with you when times are good; pay attention to who is sitting next to you on the bus when times are bad. Or something like that. You are in a negative head space about love which is why you are focused on the bad, like the end of your 24 year old colleague's 9 year romance. (The reason for the end of that is simply that it's over because very people spend the rest of their lives with somebody they started dating at 15). yeah your right. There must be people who appreciate finding someone special, and don't want to let that go, just as I do. I guess I will just have to keep looking. Its just, it seems even if someone loves someone, it doesn't necessarily mean they want to be with them. This was the point I was trying to get at. Even if someone loved you, for their own reasons, they do not want to be with you. In this case was his selfishness of seeing what he is missing out on (not that you can blame him for wanting what he wants), but he isn't thinking of the feelings of the girl he apparently loves. Its just the love he feels for her, must not be the type of love we grow up believing.
Author hea Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Romantic love - something more soulful and special than pure lust. It gives people that happy, mushy, dewy eyed sensation, and it's something everybody should feel at some point, but you can't bank on it developing into the more substantial familial type of love that keeps couples together. you know you've actually made a good point. There must be different types of love, that corresponded with your wants. Like you said perhaps you have romantic love, and as you progress in life and want a family, develop familial love. And if your not ready for a family, it stays as romantic love, until they stop making you happy, or perhaps the other half wants more, and you don't. I guess both sides of the coin need to want the same, and be at the same stage in life. Its not just about love, its about wants as well, and it all combines as one.
SadNLonley Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I do believe there is love. I finally found that love you hear people talk about that just hits you like a ton of bricks, brings you euphoria with that person, etc. I do have to say though that I have only felt that 1 time, and it was with the bf that just ended things 8 months ago. I thought he felt the same way, but seems that wasnt the case. I was with my exhusband for 19 years. I loved him yes, but it was not like the love I experienced recently. I think when we met at 21 we were wrapped around the whole idea of love and marriage. Once you get to the point all the excitement wears down, love takes work. After awhile the lust fades and all you have is love. Its not so rosy every day.
tlegend Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I think it was Oprah who said, don't worry about who gets in the limo with you when times are good; pay attention to who is sitting next to you on the bus when times are bad. Or something like that. I heard something very similar. It goes: "Love and marriage isn't about the person you want to go out with on Friday night. It's about the person you want to spend all day Saturday with." 2
Targetlock Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 very good quote that one I've yet to feel love but I've seen it happen enough times around me not to believe in it and that it will happen for me.
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