Haydn Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 No Cav, until she kicks down the door. You have saved me on more than one occasion. She called me like 5 times today and called my friend. I didnt pick up.She left 2 messages. 1 was a song, another was her saying maybe she over reacted yesterday by telling me never to contact her again and that she will not be callihg me. Not sure how i feel about all this. I dont like being broke up with. I feel my heart hardening. I think i need to get together with her to see if we can wrok this out. Confused. Cav 1
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 She called me like 5 times today and called my friend. I didnt pick up.She left 2 messages. 1 was a song, another was her saying maybe she over reacted yesterday by telling me never to contact her again and that she will not be callihg me. Not sure how i feel about all this. I dont like being broke up with. I feel my heart hardening. I think i need to get together with her to see if we can wrok this out. Confused. Cav Can I ask that you sit on it until after the weekend? We all know a few days isn't going to make much difference... Get the V-Day claptrap out of the way and approach it with a cool head. 2
lovesucks76 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Cav, So sorry brother! Stay strong. I just returned here myself...not to hijack your thread but... I went back to the ex not sure if you remember.....and it was great and then horrible and then great again and then horrible again. She was hot/cold and I could tell my heart was going to get smashed eventually so I pulled the plug to avoid being blindsinded later. She was happy having me around but I wasn't ever a priority to her. It took me 2 weeks to get the courage to BU since I'm deeply in love with her. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone before. I finally ended things on the 1st of the year, couldn't take it anymore. I don't want someone who constantly pushes me away. She texts me 2 days later wanting to hang out and be friends (clueless), I tell her to leave me alone because I could not just be her friend. I needed time to heal. She texted me 2 weeks later saying her dog had died and she was very sad. I feel bad and text back "So sorry for your loss, let me know if I can help" she then runs into me at the gym just a few days ago and unleashes on me, starts crying and says that I'm a horrible person and she doesn't want to talk to me because I was clear on my last text that I didn't want to hang out anymore. This after she contacted me several times since BU....anyway, like an idiot I send her flowers and say 'sorry for your loss card'....never mentioned getting back together. The end! I have ZERO hope of getting back but still hurts like a bitch! Is she crazy? Yes
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Cav, This is a critical time for you. We teach people how to treat us. Be sure you handle it well as to send the message to her loud and clear that she should not dump you again UNLESS she is sure she wants it over. If you give in too soon it will send the message that she can play this game. Be cool.. You're a strong, smart guy. xo 3
iouaname Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Sorry Cav! Hope this won't be too hard on you! 1
Author cavalier99 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Thanks for all the advise everyone!. Great to feel loved here by new and old friends Ill keep everyone updated. Ill be fine either way. Nobody dies of a BU . Just a little heart break!! 1
RDawg Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 She doesn't sound like "the one". Break up and make up games never go anywhere. Sounds like you need to keep looking.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Yeah, I would definitely not respond until after the weekend is over, at the earliest. If she's going to flip out on you and break up with you on a whim, then she deserves to lose the kickass Valentine's Day you were obviously going to give her as a punishment for being hasty. It wouldn't hurt to take the weekend to figure out how you'll proceed. And at the very least, she needs to know that she can't discard and take you back whenever she feels like it. 4
RDawg Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Why respond at all? Cut her out of your life for good I say. Any more time one spends on someone who breaks up with you prevents you from finding the right person for you. Sorry but the one thing that resonates through the thousands of posts on this forum is that second chances hardly ever work out. She broke up with you. Go No Contact and focus on yourself..
mtnbiker3000 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 That SUCKS!!! Not to sound like a d*ck, but I hope you weren't too invested... This is why I am on a hiatus from women right now. Could never double up on heartbreak pain. Rock on!!! 1
pickflicker Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Yeah, I would definitely not respond until after the weekend is over, at the earliest. If she's going to flip out on you and break up with you on a whim, then she deserves to lose the kickass Valentine's Day you were obviously going to give her as a punishment for being hasty. It wouldn't hurt to take the weekend to figure out how you'll proceed. And at the very least, she needs to know that she can't discard and take you back whenever she feels like it. Exactly, this was my logic. I was concerned that she was contacting him because she thought "Oh sh*t, I broke up with right before V-Day!" Letting the day go by without celebration sends a powerful message. I would advise NC until Monday. Don't mention V-Day at all.
pickflicker Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Cav, it's been brought to my attention that I'm "going too easy on you" regarding your next steps with your ex. I received a PM detailing as such. For anyone who requires clarification, I am not advising Cav to contact his ex, merely to postpone thoughts of his next move until after Monday, when V-Day is over and done with, and cooler heads can prevail. I figured that given Cav's wisdom on NC the past, preaching the philosophy would be an insult to his intelligence. Rock on! 2
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 they mean it when they sit you down and tell you calmly and sadly that they aren't feeling it any more, and you know they've been thinking about it for weeks. however, anyone who plays games like that and blows hot and cold like that is going to be a living nightmare unless they snap out of it. overall I think that everyone deserves one chance. if she comes back and she is genuinely sorry, then maybe, depending on how you feel, you can try again. but if she pulls this **** out of her a$$ one more time, no thanks. 1
skydiveaddict Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I wont beg and plead. Rock on !!!!!!! Cav Nice. Rock on indeed. 1
Author cavalier99 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 they mean it when they sit you down and tell you calmly and sadly that they aren't feeling it any more, and you know they've been thinking about it for weeks. however, anyone who plays games like that and blows hot and cold like that is going to be a living nightmare unless they snap out of it. overall I think that everyone deserves one chance. if she comes back and she is genuinely sorry, then maybe, depending on how you feel, you can try again. but if she pulls this **** out of her a$$ one more time, no thanks. Very wise advise indeed. Thanks. Hope you are well!! Cav
Author cavalier99 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 That SUCKS!!! Not to sound like a d*ck, but I hope you weren't too invested... This is why I am on a hiatus from women right now. Could never double up on heartbreak pain. Rock on!!! I dont know i thought i was really invested. But maybe not.????
barky2 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Like to say welcome back cav, but I'd rather have you out living your life happy than here What do you want? Stay with her? Try and mend? I'd keep nc and really think about what you want man. Cause we all know too well, this could be the start of a reoccurring trend. Or she could have genuinely messed up. That's for you to find out. But you know we're here for you bro. Once again glad to see you back, sort of Barky 1
KatZee Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Cav, You're one of the veteran's here. You know how we do. We got this 'ish on lock. Let's show the newbies how it's done. 5
radiodarcy Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Exactly, this was my logic. I was concerned that she was contacting him because she thought "Oh sh*t, I broke up with right before V-Day!" Letting the day go by without celebration sends a powerful message. I would advise NC until Monday. Don't mention V-Day at all. Agreed. If Cav's ex is as hot-blooded as he says she is, then chances are she's thinking she can use said temperament as a get out of jail free card for dumping him. So she can reap the benefits of Valentine's Day weekend. 3
Author cavalier99 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Agreed. If Cav's ex is as hot-blooded as he says she is, then chances are she's thinking she can use said temperament as a get out of jail free card for dumping him. So she can reap the benefits of Valentine's Day weekend. I have been getting I love you and miss you texts and a call i didnt answer Also a Happy Valentines text. I told her we can discuss on monday. She still loves me. I feel the same but wont accept this BU card BS if she is just upset. This needs to be clarified if this is to work as well as discuss what she was upset about. Cav
radiodarcy Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I have been getting I love you and miss you texts and a call i didnt answer Also a Happy Valentines text. I told her we can discuss on monday. She still loves me. I feel the same but wont accept this BU card BS if she is just upset. This needs to be clarified if this is to work as well as discuss what she was upset about. Cav Absolutely. As someone with anger management issues of my own (that I am now working through) I may balk at someone calling me out on my tantrums; but I know it's better for me that someone does. I neither want nor expect to have things swept under the rug. That doesn't help anyone - - not me or the person I get angry with. In fact history has shown that it leaves the door open to happen again. I definitely applaud you for standing your ground and not getting swept up in her efforts to snow you with "I love you's" and other meaningless platitudes- - when all of that is really beside the point, right now. You may love each other but that does not warrant her using you as her emotional punching bag. 1
Author cavalier99 Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Absolutely. As someone with anger management issues of my own (that I am now working through) I may balk at someone calling me out on my tantrums; but I know it's better for me that someone does. I neither want nor expect to have things swept under the rug. That doesn't help anyone - - not me or the person I get angry with. In fact history has shown that it leaves the door open to happen again. I definitely applaud you for standing your ground and not getting swept up in her efforts to snow you with "I love you's" and other meaningless platitudes- - when all of that is really beside the point, right now. You may love each other but that does not warrant her using you as her emotional punching bag. Im going to see her for coffee tommorow. I only responded to her ocasional text. I made it clear i didnt want to to see her last weekend and we could discuss things tuesday. She seems quite distraught. Im fine. In fact im not even sure id be too upset about a BU. Weird. Cav 1
radiodarcy Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Im going to see her for coffee tommorow. I only responded to her ocasional text. I made it clear i didnt want to to see her last weekend and we could discuss things tuesday. She seems quite distraught. Im fine. In fact im not even sure id be too upset about a BU. Weird. Cav Good luck! Although it sounds like you're going to be ok regardless of how things go 1
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Im going to see her for coffee tommorow. I only responded to her ocasional text. I made it clear i didnt want to to see her last weekend and we could discuss things tuesday. She seems quite distraught. Im fine. In fact im not even sure id be too upset about a BU. Weird. Cav Do you know why you feel this way? You are in shock, it hasn't really been long enough for it to hit you. Plus, you hold the power right now since she is trying to communicate with you. I think it's sad. You either need to let her go. Or communicate and understand why she did this and see if the two of you can fix it. But it sounds like from your ambiguity, that maybe she isn't the one. You don't seem to care that much, but maybe I'm wrong. 1
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