FailedFirstLove Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Hey my question is: if you were the dumper (irrationally) and so much went on and the other person didn't want to work things out and is sooooo angry at you, how long do you wait to contact them? Hoping they have cooled off and maybe the anger would have died down and want to start again? You would have to wait till they healed and moved on from the mistakes you made?
Musing Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Hey my question is: if you were the dumper (irrationally) and so much went on and the other person didn't want to work things out and is sooooo angry at you, how long do you wait to contact them? In this case? I wouldn't.
David87 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Why do I want to contact my ex if i'm the dumper? I had my reason for dumping those girls. You and all the other dumpees have to understand that the dumpers aren't the devil they have their reasons for leaving. If it were all honey and sugar between you two she wouldn't have bailed on you.
notthathard Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Have you been broken up since Dec 2012? If yes then it's time to start letting go, you're well over due for that. Creating these types of scenarios will just delay your healing time and set you back.
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 I was just angry and did it irrationally, it was childish of me. Thinking he would have pulled me closer I guess.. Hurtful things were said and I was upset so was he.. Difference is I don't hold grudges but he seems to. And no lol it was December 2013
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 The dumpers that are contacting their ex because they "made" a mistake are, 9 times out of 10, contacting them because they are afraid to be alone. Do you really want to date someone who is afraid to be alone? Neediness is for children, adults should be self-sufficient.
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I was just angry and did it irrationally, it was childish of me. Thinking he would have pulled me closer I guess.. Hurtful things were said and I was upset so was he.. Difference is I don't hold grudges but he seems to. And no lol it was December 2013 Oh, you used dumping as a relationship tactic? Oops. Please don't contact him, he had every right to bear a grudge against you.
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 The dumpers that are contacting their ex because they "made" a mistake are, 9 times out of 10, contacting them because they are afraid to be alone. Do you really want to date someone who is afraid to be alone? Neediness is for children, adults should be self-sufficient. I just realized that I made a mistake, and was being stupid over little things.. It wasn't really a big issue. I was just going through problems at the time.
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I just realized that I made a mistake, and was being stupid over little things.. It wasn't really a big issue. I was just going through problems at the time. It is now, though. You've handled your relationship by breaking up with him, hoping well make him more sympathetic. He's got every right to be mad.
tlegend Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I just realized that I made a mistake, and was being stupid over little things.. It wasn't really a big issue. I was just going through problems at the time. He has every right to be mad. Same as you have every right to fight for what you want. You want him back? Tell him so. He needs time to heal? Give it to him. If he truly wants to be in a relationship with you, I'm sure you will be able to talk with him about it more successfully than you would be able to talk to any of us about it. We can only give you advice relating to our experiences and thoughts.
Gemini x Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I'm wondering; if the dumper wants the dumpee back.. and the dumpee wants the dumper back, but both are in NC possibly waiting on the other one, or looking for some "sign" to make a move.. which one is more likely to end up reaching out? and when, after how long?
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I'm wondering; if the dumper wants the dumpee back.. and the dumpee wants the dumper back, but both are in NC possibly waiting on the other one, or looking for some "sign" to make a move.. which one is more likely to end up reaching out? and when, after how long? Dumpee should never, ever make the first move. The dumper must come, cap in hand, to ask for a second chance.
David87 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Funny joke: If he loves you he'll let you know .. and they both waited. End of story. All joke aside, the dumper should initiate contact and the dumpee should move on.
Gemini x Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Dumpee should never, ever make the first move. The dumper must come, cap in hand, to ask for a second chance. Thanks! What if it's a situation like mine? He disappeared, came back, and then accused ME of breaking up with him because I didn't chase him while he was gone. Wouldn't he be considered the dumper? He basically forced it by going MIA. We both know he's the dumper by choosing to walk away but because he blames me, is it him who will have to reach out? Not that I'm really expecting him to but in this situation; he should come to me, right?
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Thanks! What if it's a situation like mine? He disappeared, came back, and then accused ME of breaking up with him because I didn't chase him while he was gone. Wouldn't he be considered the dumper? He basically forced it by going MIA. We both know he's the dumper by choosing to walk away but because he blames me, is it him who will have to reach out? Not that I'm really expecting him to but in this situation; he should come to me, right? Why would you chase a person who believes that disappearing is appropriate behaviour?
Gemini x Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Why would you chase a person who believes that disappearing is appropriate behaviour? I didn't. Therefore I'm the "dumper" apparently. This is why I asked that question. If it were up to me we'd be back together but he's claiming I'm the one dumped him, when he obviously walked away from me, so shouldn't he be the one to reach out.
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I didn't. Therefore I'm the "dumper" apparently. This is why I asked that question. If it were up to me we'd be back together but he's claiming I'm the one dumped him, when he obviously walked away from me, so shouldn't he be the one to reach out. Why do you want to be with someone who used manipulative behaviour in order to elicit a reaction from you?
Gemini x Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Why do you want to be with someone who used manipulative behaviour in order to elicit a reaction from you? Because at the end of the day I'm still in love with him. I still miss him. I know what I deserve but that doesn't magically make my feelings go away. I'm doing the best I can right now. I've changed my number and am doing NC. But, I am curious, under my circumstances, who the initiator should be. I'm guessing him.
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Because at the end of the day I'm still in love with him. I still miss him. I know what I deserve but that doesn't magically make my feelings go away. I'm doing the best I can right now. I've changed my number and am doing NC. But, I am curious, under my circumstances, who the initiator should be. I'm guessing him. .......Yes.
David87 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Why would you chase a person who believes that disappearing is appropriate behaviour? Because love makes us do stupid things, you don't think clear in those moments, that's why. Unfortunately some of this new users will learn the hard way, just like we did.
Lifegoezon Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I've a similar situation in that I dumped him after discovering he had started online dating. So he wanted the relationship to end but I did the dumping. Hypothetically, if he wanted me back (don't believe he does) and I was prepared to forgive (I'm not) should it be me initiating contact or him?
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 That is very true.... I do love him, I was just being stupid and immature.... And then I chased him way too much while he was angry... So I should stop.... And let him heal ... The maybe... Just maybe.... Here I go again... Clinging onto a strand of hope.... Even when I thought his lost abit of anger. He will bring it back up that I started a fight and tried to break up... I've accepted my punishment and apologized many many times,, now he thinks everything I do is manipulation and lies....
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) I've a similar situation in that I dumped him after discovering he had started online dating. So he wanted the relationship to end but I did the dumping. Hypothetically, if he wanted me back (don't believe he does) and I was prepared to forgive (I'm not) should it be me initiating contact or him? I thought the same.. That he wud want me... And I've tried contacting and pleading etc.... But his just ANGRY! Maybe wait a WHILE! Before u do ANYTHING! And I thought I was the one who was meant to contact..... BUT NOW it's turned itself around... I'm the dumpee now... Because is wamt to work it out and he doesn't... His the one angry and wanting to move on,,, while I'm stuck... Yep true story... Irrational decisions are the worst things you can do... I've told him that I know I did wrong and have to live with consequences but he just gets angry over and over... Yet when he dumped me.... Came back and said the same thing i melted on the spot!!!!!! Edited February 12, 2014 by FailedFirstLove
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