ThatGirl213 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) Hi....I have been reading threads here for a long time and I would like to know what you guys thought about my situation. I am 24yrs old. I have only been with one guy so far both as a relationship and sexually. We were together for almost 3 years until we broke up last year. My ex is the same age as I am. Throughout the 3 years, he had cheated on me with 4 different girls and every time I caught him with proof, he would break up with me and leave. I would beg him to come back to me and he would ultimately come back. He had also tried to break up with me on other occasions with reasons being that he wanted to be single and one other time he told me he wanted to see other people. But I would always beg him to come back to me and he would eventually say ok. His ex (first love) cheated on him a lot while they were together and I thought since we got together soon after that break up, he is cheating so much because of how bitter he got from that bad experience and one day he would eventually change. Until last year, I caught him cheating and he dumped me the evening I confronted him about it and told me he wants to do whatever he wants to and not be tied down because of a relationship. After a few weeks I realized he got in a relationship with the same girl I caught him cheating on me with. Few weeks later he told me he broke up with her because he loves me and he wants to be with me but he isn't ready. He has asked me to be with him several times after that, with me agreeing, only to find him spending time with the same girl the very next day. I know the kind of person he is...manipulative, liar, cheater, uses the 'ex cheated on me' sympathy card. I don't trust him or believe anything he says and will never go back to him ever again. My question is that is all this hurt I am enduring right now something I caused myself because I loved him so much and kept begging him to come to me. Is it really wrong that I wanted to work things out despite being treated really badly and being disrespected so much? I live in his country and do not have family here. He and his family have always taken good care of me and still does but I just feel bad that I always forced him to be with me. I just want some closure because all my life I believed that the one I lose my virginity to, would be the one. It hurts me that I waited 21 years to have a bf and I thought I would marry him and this is what came out of it Edited February 12, 2014 by ThatGirl213
notthathard Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 His done it several times already, he will keep doing it for the rest of his life OR until he finally matures up, which wont be for many many years to come. You have caught him 4 times, there was probably more you don't know about. What sort of closure are you looking for? His not the one for you, and your not the one for him. His the type of person who chases this high you get when being with new people all the time. You brought all this pain on yourself, you should have left him after learning about the first cheating incident. Live and learn! You're worth more in this world, don't put yourself through it anymore. 1
David87 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 It's time to let go. You deserve so much better. 1
lionheart153 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Cheating is a deal breaker for me. No matter how much you think you "love" that person if they cheat, it should be over. I would leave anyway. Even though my ex and I aren't together if she ends up with someone and tries to come back I would almost consider that cheating and I'd have to think about it. Either way the fact that he has done it 4 times shouldn't warrent your forgiveness. At this point just letting him walk all over you.
Author ThatGirl213 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 I am not going to let him walk all over me again. I have given up on that relationship and will never go back to him. I do not know how long I will take to forgive him. I am just really disappointed with myself that I let this happen to me. I loved him so much. Gave him all I could and in return, I got cheated on like I don't even have any feelings. One thing I have learnt despite regretting the relationship so much is that you should never beg someone to be in your life. Love yourself more than you love anyone else.
jphcbpa Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 if I may be so blunt...there is no way you loved him because you are not in love with yourself. if you were, you never would have taken him back all those times he cheated on you. you should really be taking a look at yourself and asking yourself what it is that you needed from him. this will be good so you can get healthy and not carry this with you in other R's.
Zahara Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I am not going to let him walk all over me again. I have given up on that relationship and will never go back to him. I do not know how long I will take to forgive him. I am just really disappointed with myself that I let this happen to me. I loved him so much. Gave him all I could and in return, I got cheated on like I don't even have any feelings. One thing I have learnt despite regretting the relationship so much is that you should never beg someone to be in your life. Love yourself more than you love anyone else. You need to stop worrying about if/when you forgive him. It's irrelevant. When you begin to heal from this and you reach a stage of indifference, you'll be able to let it go. View that as forgiveness but in time, it will come. The thing is OP, you bear most of the responsibility for this. You enabled behavior that was destructive to you. You fell in love with a guy and that carries no fault. You trusted him and you gave him all you could and that was not your fault. But tolerating cheating is all on you. This is a valuable lesson to you. And sometimes making that huge mistake is a great wake up call for how you conduct yourself in future relationships. You're 24. Better to learn now than later. Yes, you need to love yourself. There is a reason why you tolerated being cheated on repeatedly. It would be good to start focusing within. 1
Author ThatGirl213 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Word of advice to all my people out here... Never go behind a girl/guy who just broke up from a serious long term relationship....That is one way you will definitely get hurt...Either the person isn't ready to give their all or you are just a rebound and they are just using you (consciously or unconsciously) to not be lonely and sad and to get back their lost self esteem. There is no point falling for someone who got hurt really badly and blaming them when they hurt you. They could care less coz of what they have been through. It is letting yourself be hurt because the person is in no way ready to commit again. In a case where you really like/love a person who just broken up from a LTR, give them time, be friends with them but don't try to rush it.
Sandy99 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I have known people to have regular, healthy relationships and then for whatever reason they meet a very cunning, persuasive person, who is good at concealing their negative qualities and they end up dating them and falling in love somehow. Then when that person's negative qualities show up it's really hard to reconcile this with the love they feel. So don't blame yourself too much. Usually it just takes one relationship like the one you were in to realize what you will not put up with and you will be much more cautious the next time around. Take some time to be alone for a while and really analyze the guy you were with. What red flags did you miss? Were there any or was he just great at covering up his negative qualities? Don't blame yourself too much. You didn't do the cheating, he did. You didn't do the lying, he did. But catching somebody cheating a number of times shows you who they are. Learn from the situation and move on with your life. 1
Author ThatGirl213 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 I have always blamed myself for whatever happened even though I knew I did nothing wrong except for asking him to get back with me every time he dumped me after catching him cheating on me. Right now, I am just being by myself and trying to work on my lost self esteem. I have had a few guys approach me to be with in a relationship with them but I just think now is not the time for any kind of commitment. There is always this question running in my head "why me? what did I do to deserve this?" I just wish that this feeling would pass.
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