Welsh Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I am struggling to get to sleep since my ex broke up with me (Bit of GIGS and another woman etc- see my post on second chances) I'm finding myself lying in bed, thinking of 1000000 different things to try and make me not think of my ex such as what shall I cook tomorrow, what clothes could I treat myself to etc. I find it all overwhelming as my mind is racing then when I stop I'm back at square one, missing him and thinking of him. I will eventually fall asleep but at something ridiculous like 5am because I've exhausted myself, I then struggle to get up in the morning so I'm lucky if I'm out of bed by midday on my days off. However if I'm working, I'm getting to the point where I'm going to work on maybe an hour or two sleep and can't focus at all. So do any of you have some hints and tips you could share to get me back into healthy sleep routine?
I_Like_To_Golf Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) When my break up was fresh I had issues sleeping as well, so what I started doing was a lot of physical activities after work such as working out, playing golf, batting cages, kayaking in local lakes, bass fishing and things like that during the afternoon. Then at night I would just hang out with a few friends that didn't mind staying up late, watching movies, talking, things like that. By the time I got home I was exhausted (it was still around 12-1AM) but as soon as I got home I would get ready for work the next morning and hit the bed and fall asleep out of exhaustion. Don't know if that will help you much, but it's what helped me Having an ex move out and coming home to the same home/apartment and seeing it empty and having to sleep in the same bed is pretty tough, not going to lie haha. Also if it was raining outside or something, I would read books because reading always made me sleepy for some reason. I ended up reading the books 1-7 of Harry Potter in 2 months haha, which was good for me since I always disliked reading (never really gave it a try though). Must admit, those were some darn good books Edited February 12, 2014 by I_Like_To_Golf
RDawg Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 It gets much better, I used to wake up at three in the morning with those terrible thoughts. Now 4.5 months post BU I sleep through. Much better!
bubblesbursted Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Nights are a torture..I agree. But I try my best to over work myself in the daytime so that as soon as I hit my head on the pillow I pass out. Sometimes, I try and talk to my friends, text them or read a book. Try and distract yourself! It will surely help.
CapturedMemories Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 First few days were hard but it's getting alot better now. My mother lives closeby so I took on her offer to have her dog with me sometimes so I've been taking alot of walks with him. Other than that, I also started swimming with couple friends 1-2 times a week after work so I'm totally exhausted. In weekends I try to be as much with friends as I can.
KCCK Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I agree with some of the comments above... in the first few nights after being dumped, I cried at night thinking of all the things that I could have done to change things... I tried to cope by taking care of myself... for the first few weeks, I went off sharp after office hours and head straight to gym for a workout session instead of working OT till late night... after a great workout session, I usually go for some great food and went back for rest and sleep for the night... after 6 months, I still repeat the same routine, and I wont deny I still think of her at times but I am doing better and in addition, getting healthier and I believe things will be alright as time goes on... time really heals... =)
Musing Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 The fact that you are actively trying to avoid thinking of your ex is still in some ways thinking about him, only now your brain is mad at you because it's a tease. What I do is think about cartoons, or watch cartoons or some other mind-numbing show that I can zone out on and watch on low volume. Eventually I just feel relaxed and pass out. Or sometimes I think about my childhood and try to memorize my childhood friend's names. Thinking of a happier/simpler time and trying to find a focus on that until I fall into sleep. For some reason, it's only been hard for me the past few days and I've been single now for 1.5 months. It's more/less just thoughts and conversations I have with myself in reflection that keep me awake at the moment.
Omei Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Sucks you guys can't sleep it was my getaway place a place where you can pretty much live a fantasy life I remember sleeping to no end when my ex first dumped me.
Never Again Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I had trouble sleeping before my breakup (part of what led to it, I'm sure). After the breakup, all I wanted to do was lie in bed...but sleep never came. Going running, lots of melatonin and binge watching television helped.
SadNLonley Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Maybe not the answer for everyone, but I go prescription sleep aid. It slows the brain down so I dont constantly wake up with all these thoughts of my ex. I dont plan on using them forever. Just until I get over him.
LostConfused123 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Maybe not the answer for everyone, but I go prescription sleep aid. It slows the brain down so I dont constantly wake up with all these thoughts of my ex. I dont plan on using them forever. Just until I get over him. Same here.
tlegend Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I got into the habit of playing pandora radio on my phone next to me as I lie there. It's helped greatly. 1
Tripz Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I've ALWAYS been able to sleep anytime, anywhere. In fact, as a game one time, my wife timed me and I was out within 45 seconds. Of course, it's not always like that, but sleep has never been a problem. 9 years military having to grab a catnap when you can may have trained me, i dunno. So when the SHTF in my marriage and the first 3-4 nights that I couldn't get to sleep, it was really nerve wracking. Not being able to "shut my mind down" like I've always been able to was probably one of the most memorable parts of this process. Luckily, it does pass (at least it has for me) and I only rarely lay awake going over this breakup crap in my head; this nightmare called my "new life". One thing I have done for years, especially when I had trouble shutting my thoughts down, was go to my happy place. This was simply me visualizing a place of total relaxation. For me, that is a white sand beach, about 80 degrees out, slight breeze, with gentle waves rolling in. I visualize myself in a comfy hammock hanging from two coconut trees sipping on a margarita. I know, cheesy, but has almost always worked when I'm still stressed from that days events. For 3 nights after D-Day and my realization that divorce was imminent, I couldn't even concentrate long enough to even visualize my happy place. It was torture. I wish I had thought of getting some sleep aids...never even occurred to me. Wow...
mammasita Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Audio books!!! put me to sleep immediately. Oh and sometimes benedryl.....but I really have allergies. 1
Roses777 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 At first it was really hard. I felt strongly alone. Now I am gradually feeling like its done for good and that I need to move on. I still have some feelings left for her but my hope for any reconciliation is gradually disappearing. I used to call her so much that her number is still in my head. If I had someone else to date by now I would probably not think of her at all. I am not a believer in the idea that 'time heals all' but it definitely makes coping easier and easier, enough to be more and more productive!
JDPT Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 I wish I would have taken meds the first few months to get some sleep. Now, 9 months post BU, I can honestly say that I sleep better than a baby. Give yourself some time, no need to rush this. Continue to work on yourself as you are the only person that matters from this point forward.
laddie Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Something which helped me get to sleep after the initial stage of breaking up was Valerian. It's a natural supplement and it helps with mild anxiety as well. I used it for a couple of months until I started feeling better and it was a big help. Go for a walk in the evenings if you feel particularly down about things. It helps take your mind off things for a while.
jonsnuh Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Drugs are useful if you don't depend on them. Therapy to help with the ruminations and potential relapses may be beneficial. It will go away with time. In the meanwhile, using drugs to help with sleep may be necessary. Like someone mentioned, benadryl can be used. I've been prescribed with zopiclone before. Ask your doctor.
Redhawkk Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 2 weeks post break-up and I can say that I sleep pretty well. However, the last couple of days I've been having weird dreams about her--my ex. It's nothing physical, it's more like I see her, as if she's just some manifestation, or ghost. It's haunting. I don't hear her voice but I see her and I talk to her. I think it's a good sign though that even in my dreams I don't beg for her back but instead wish her the best of luck. But yah, nights are rough on the soul. Keep productive and try to think of anything besides her. It's hard, we've all been there, and time will surely help you out eventually. Life's a garden, dig it--Joe Dirt
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