bgshaker Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) Any suggestions for a guy not sure about having the talk? It is a little early, but I have a limited amount of time leftover to invest in a relationship and need to cut to the chase. I am back to single life after 14 years and what used to come intuitively now escapes me. There's also a good friendship at risk. Started hanging out with my long-time stylist a couple months ago. She's 10 years younger and just off a very short/very intense relationship. I've had a ridiculously tumultuous 12 months and we hang out, party a little, have good convo always and commiserate some. She's a tiny bit of a mess, can't get out of her own way, aloof, but I like that she's very self aware and knows no denial or hypocrisy. About a week and a half ago, we went to a concert and followed it up with a couple hour makeout session. I initially assumed that might not be an uncommon occurrence for her, being a straightforward 30+ y.o. and something of a party girl. The one thing that did stick out to me was how when we started making out, she pulled back and told me how (total paraphrase) she thought i was an awesome guy and an awesome dad during the aforementioned tumult. Nice, but not the "I've been wanting to do that/you're hot" that I remember typically coming at that moment. I almost sensed pity, for lack of a better term. Anyway, eventually stopped smooching and went home. Couple days later, had to meet to swap something and ended up having dinner, with her skipping a date/guy that we both agreed sounded lame. Agreed we had fun, light kiss good night. Couple days after that, had to swing by and grab something before leaving town, usual convo session, light smooch good night. Since then, she seems standoffish. We've never had extensive communication other than in person (which is a sporadic occurrence), but her texts are noticeably more brief than usual and I just get a weird vibe. I'm in a place where I'd just as soon get to the bottom of it sooner rather than later. But, I don't want to ruin a good friendship or a shot at seeing if there's more by coming off as overly anxious or misinterpreting. Avoiding awkwardness (nevermind the potential rejection) would be ideal. Any thoughts on timing or a potential phrasing? I am paralyzed and starting to over analyze. Edited February 12, 2014 by bgshaker
Versacehottie Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 well, what do you want? I'm assuming you like her and would want to see where things could go otherwise what would you be doing here posting about it? I'm going to take a guess that she has pulled back because she likes you. Doesn't want to seem over-eager and be too easy in this undefined thing. I will speak for most girls when I say if you"re making out the "friendship" thing is out of the window. It's already complicated. A talk will only help. You won't be risking anything by trying to figure out what's going on. Tread lightly if that's what feels comfortable to you both. More info and I will try to help you figure out what to say.
Poppygoodwill Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I'm taking the opposite view...I think that she had fun hanging out and making out but it's not really what she's looking for so she's backed off. You said she's self-aware...enough then to see that she's in a bit of a mess in her head, and you're just coming through a messy year and that it was a friendly FWB type of make out session rather than a 'this is the start of something great' session. I'm a talker, so I would probably initiate a conversation that began with...I thought we should just talk about the other night (makeout sesssion) to be sure it's not going to get in the way of our friendship.... I bet you dollars to donuts she'll be relieved to talk (as you say,she's a hip young thing with a fairly easy going way about dating and so on) and that in short order you can get yourselves back on a friendly track. That's assuming you don't want anything to progress iwth her. If you do, then say that. But before you say anything, know what you want.
Author bgshaker Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 I could see either of you being right, but I think her being apprehensive for some reason or not interested is more likely. Just the vibe I'm feeling. As far as what I want: not to blow the friendship, interested in exploring a more romantic relationship, happy to be occasionally smooching friends, definitely not about sex. I'm in a connection/affection mode these days. What more info could help you advise what to say? I'm very anxious about that going wrong. Much thanks
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