sweet05 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Hi Guys, I posted some days ago that I started dating someone, that everything was going very nice, but that I was anxious that something might ruin everything (due to my bad experiences). Well we have continued dating, we decided to be exclusive (we've been dating for 3 weeks). I knew he came out of a long relationship 7 months ago, but he told me he was over his ex, and I believed him. He is very sweet and communicates a lot with me. Yesterday he started telling me he was messed up, and that he did not want to hurt me. He ended up telling me that he dated this girl before he met me (they only dated for a month) and that she messed him up. That they haven't spoken for more then a month, he had forgotten about her, but she wrote him this weekend telling him "she missed their friendship". She actually works in his same company, and leave in the same street, so he sees her almost everyday. I asked him what he responded to her. He told me, he told her "he was moving on, dating someone, and that sorry that things didn't work out with them". He told me, he wants to date me, wants us to slowly build a relationship based in trust and loyalty. He wants us to keep dating and become my best friend and partner. I asked him if he still likes her, his answer was that he doesn't think so, that it does bother him that every time he sees her he feels hurt. Should I be worried about this girl? Should I end up this relationship that is just starting? Or should I let thinks flow and keep on dating and see where life takes us? He has been very good to me, sweet and has been honest. What do you guys think about all this?
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Hi Guys, I posted some days ago that I started dating someone, that everything was going very nice, but that I was anxious that something might ruin everything (due to my bad experiences). Well we have continued dating, we decided to be exclusive (we've been dating for 3 weeks). I knew he came out of a long relationship 7 months ago, but he told me he was over his ex, and I believed him. He is very sweet and communicates a lot with me. Yesterday he started telling me he was messed up, and that he did not want to hurt me. He ended up telling me that he dated this girl before he met me (they only dated for a month) and that she messed him up. That they haven't spoken for more then a month, he had forgotten about her, but she wrote him this weekend telling him "she missed their friendship". She actually works in his same company, and leave in the same street, so he sees her almost everyday. I asked him what he responded to her. He told me, he told her "he was moving on, dating someone, and that sorry that things didn't work out with them". He told me, he wants to date me, wants us to slowly build a relationship based in trust and loyalty. He wants us to keep dating and become my best friend and partner. I asked him if he still likes her, his answer was that he doesn't think so, that it does bother him that every time he sees her he feels hurt. Should I be worried about this girl? Should I end up this relationship that is just starting? Or should I let thinks flow and keep on dating and see where life takes us? He has been very good to me, sweet and has been honest. What do you guys think about all this? I think you should listen to him: he's messed up and doesn't want to hurt you. I don't think he's crazy, in that sense, but I also don't think he's ready to commit and be exclusive with you. This has all transpired in such a short amount of time, if I'm understanding correctly. Also, the fact that he's not sure that he doesn't still like her is a bad sign. I'd take some space from this for a while, or I have a bad feeling you will get hurt. I don't believe he's a bad person, but he's not the right guy to be exclusive with at this time, in my opinion. 1
Author sweet05 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 How do you think he will hurt me? Will he go back to her, or never really care about me?
pickflicker Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 You should accept that this probably won't be a serious relationship and he probably won't commit. If that's not enough for you, move on. 1
Versacehottie Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 too soon to tell what you guys will or won't be. You will make yourself crazy trying to figure it out. Don't roll over for other girl just because he's being honest with you. That said, be very very cautious. He's is not sure and emotionally she is still in the picture. 3
tlegend Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 You asked him point blank if he still liked her. He didn't give a point blank answer, instead, he answered a different question. I would be careful...she is definitely still in the picture. Take it slow, be yourself, and the relationship (or lack thereof) will reveal itself. Don't get anxious about it. Just don't jump to conclusions yet either. 3
Author sweet05 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Hi Guys, I decided to speak with him. Told him it was not fair for me that he still had noise in his life, that I liked him but I wanted a clean relationship. Asked him to take time to clear his mind and if he forgets her and still wants to be with me to find me. He took it very well, told me that I was strong and he admired it. That he still wants to speak to me while he clears his head. I told him he can contact me whenever he wants to. That I won' be contacting him though until he doesn't clear his head. I feel good, think it was a wise decision. Don't want another heartbreak. And if he comes back I want a clean relationship without exes on either of us minds. 5
Andyy Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I think you did the right thing. Some red flags there. Hope he comes back to you! Sounds like an honest/mature kind of guy so far. 3
sleeplessinslc Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Hi Guys, I posted some days ago that I started dating someone, that everything was going very nice, but that I was anxious that something might ruin everything (due to my bad experiences). Well we have continued dating, we decided to be exclusive (we've been dating for 3 weeks). I knew he came out of a long relationship 7 months ago, but he told me he was over his ex, and I believed him. He is very sweet and communicates a lot with me. Yesterday he started telling me he was messed up, and that he did not want to hurt me. He ended up telling me that he dated this girl before he met me (they only dated for a month) and that she messed him up. That they haven't spoken for more then a month, he had forgotten about her, but she wrote him this weekend telling him "she missed their friendship". She actually works in his same company, and leave in the same street, so he sees her almost everyday. I asked him what he responded to her. He told me, he told her "he was moving on, dating someone, and that sorry that things didn't work out with them". He told me, he wants to date me, wants us to slowly build a relationship based in trust and loyalty. He wants us to keep dating and become my best friend and partner. I asked him if he still likes her, his answer was that he doesn't think so, that it does bother him that every time he sees her he feels hurt. Should I be worried about this girl? Should I end up this relationship that is just starting? Or should I let thinks flow and keep on dating and see where life takes us? He has been very good to me, sweet and has been honest. What do you guys think about all this? Sounds like a guy I know. We were dating for a few months when he bumped into his ex-gf (of 2 years) at a football game. Old feelings resurfaced and it was obvious to me he wasn't ready. We took a break- he came back and said he was ready - I had second thoughts but proceeded. This "doubt" or this gut feel I had - I overlooked when I shouldn't have. If you feel that your BF isn't ready - he probably isn't. If he says he's messed up, her probably is- and is probably not ready to give you 100% in the relationship. If you're okay with that- proceed. If you think you deserve better - leave. 1
tlegend Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Sounds like a guy I know. We were dating for a few months when he bumped into his ex-gf (of 2 years) at a football game. Old feelings resurfaced and it was obvious to me he wasn't ready. We took a break- he came back and said he was ready - I had second thoughts but proceeded. This "doubt" or this gut feel I had - I overlooked when I shouldn't have. If you feel that your BF isn't ready - he probably isn't. If he says he's messed up, her probably is- and is probably not ready to give you 100% in the relationship. If you're okay with that- proceed. If you think you deserve better - leave. Since when does anyone give 100% off the bat to a new relationship? Isn't it gradually built up over time...peeling layer by layer until you expose the true person...then either find compatibility or not? He's not over his ex and he's told you as such. If you are really into him, proceed with caution, but by all means, don't give up. Just don't put all your eggs into 1 basket either. 1
Author sweet05 Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Hi Guys, I know I took a wise decision asking him to clear his head but not with me. I meet him OLD, he erased his profile while he was with me. Today he went in again. I actually asked him why, and he told me he need a rebound to clear his mind of that other girl! And he doesn't want me to be that person. I got mad and sad. Told him we can't keep on talking every day as friends, while I still have feelings for him. That I would stop talking to him for some time, to move on and see him as a friend, and not feeling hurt when I hear he might be dating.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Hi Guys, I know I took a wise decision asking him to clear his head but not with me. I meet him OLD, he erased his profile while he was with me. Today he went in again. I actually asked him why, and he told me he need a rebound to clear his mind of that other girl! And he doesn't want me to be that person. I got mad and sad. Told him we can't keep on talking every day as friends, while I still have feelings for him. That I would stop talking to him for some time, to move on and see him as a friend, and not feeling hurt when I hear he might be dating. That right there is all you need to know. Remember that if he ever tries crawling back to you. He wasn't ready for a commitment, and that's precisely how he would (and in fact, has) hurt your feelings. He knew he didn't want that, but he didn't have the guts to tell you. Dodged a big bullet there, OP. Don't be friends with him right now. Don't hang out with him or call or text him. Block him on any social media. Be glad you discovered this now and can move on to someone who will offer you the commitment you're looking for. 1
Author sweet05 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Guys he kept on texting me and talking to me as a friend and telling me stuff like that right now he is not in a good place but that he wanted to see what happens with us in the future. Silly me thought he might have some feelings towards me. One of my friends told me "he is not that into me" and to prove it, she created a fake person in the OLD site where I met him and spoke to him. He immediately told her he had just dated one girl on the website, that she was a great girl, that they had a great connection, but that something was just missing and he couldn't see himself in a romantic relationship with her. But that he knew that they would turn out being great friends! I told him all about the fake id. He got very mad and told me he felt violated. He told me later that he said that because right now he doesn't see me in a romantic way. Then the same bs that maybe in the future. I am just tired, I am putting all my strength in moving on and finding that someone that can actually value me for the great person I am.
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