collegeguy_24 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Hello all, I have recently started dating someone new, we met on a dating website, and after exchanging a few emails I asked her out for coffee. Since then we've had two dinner dates and one lunch date. Heres the thing, she doesn't initiate anything, I have to. This is new to me because in my past all women initiate with me, they asked me out, they kissed me first, they asked me for sex. This time, I am actually having to initiate first. I asked her out, I hold her hand first, I kissed her first, and I asked her if she wanted to have sex, (She said yes, and we did once). I even initiate the texts messages most days first, though she did initiate first once with that. Now heres the thing, I don't know if I want a relationship or not. I am going day by day, date by date, just to see where this goes. Yesterday things got confusing. As we were talking, I told her I do want to see where this goes, as I do enjoy her company. After the date, she sent me a text message saying that relationshippy stuff is not really her thing, she gets skittish about that stuff in general. I told her thats OK, I'm not rushing this, I want to take this as slow as she is comfortable with and to just see what happens. A female friend of mine says its obvious from how she acts to the other messages she's sent me in the past that she is interested in me. I mean, if she wasn't she would never agree to keep going on dates with me and to hang out with me at my house and keep cuddling. I haven't heard from the woman since 3pm yesterday, and my female friend says to give her space and to not text her today first, only text if she texts me first. But the thing is she doesn't really initiate, she relies on me to do it and then she goes with it. Should I text her today? Should I be a little assertive and send a text asking how her day is going instead of waiting for her to send a text? I mean she is very shy so she might not do it. I really like her and I don't want to push her away by being weird. Or should I wait till tomorrow to do it? She doesn't initiate 9 times out of 10, I have to, and when I do she is more then happy to go with it. By not initiating am I giving her the impression I am a wimp, and that if I initiate I am a man, an adult who is willing to follow through? I should also add that she hasn't been on her dating profile in a couple days, and the last time she was on she took off the short term and long term dating and just kept it as meeting new friends. Is that a sign to?
HappyLove Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 "After the date, she sent me a text message saying that relationshippy stuff is not really her thing, she gets skittish about that stuff in general. " She told you point blank that she doesn't want a relationship and all her actions prove that! What is there to figure out?
Author collegeguy_24 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 "After the date, she sent me a text message saying that relationshippy stuff is not really her thing, she gets skittish about that stuff in general. " She told you point blank that she doesn't want a relationship and all her actions prove that! What is there to figure out? She still said she wanted another date during the lunch, and like I said, I have had to initiate almost everything so far.
HappyLove Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 She still said she wanted another date during the lunch, and like I said, I have had to initiate almost everything so far. Right so basically she doesn't mind dates, and maybe using you a bit, but don't expect a relationship. If you're looking for a relationship this is not the girl.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Right so basically she doesn't mind dates, and maybe using you a bit, but don't expect a relationship. If you're looking for a relationship this is not the girl. I'm not sure what I want to be honest, I'm just taking it one day at a time. I just sent her a text and she responded super fast.
Phantom888 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I see you are young and want to explore your options. If you are gonna keep up with the "present" day to day thinking, then you MUST NOT try to guess her feelings. Sex with non-committal people is tricky. Not everyone can do this. If you want a relationship, you better just move on and cut your losses. This girl is not for you.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 I see you are young and want to explore your options. If you are gonna keep up with the "present" day to day thinking, then you MUST NOT try to guess her feelings. Sex with non-committal people is tricky. Not everyone can do this. If you want a relationship, you better just move on and cut your losses. This girl is not for you. Very good words, and true as well. Im 28, and I mostly know what I want in a relationship, and she has it. But at the same time, I'm trying to work on other things like a Masters degree and working full time so my time is limited and valuable. She definitely seems interested in keeping contact with me. It took her less then 30 seconds to send a reply back to me after I texted her today, almost like she was waiting. Right now we are talking about her best friend, whom I've never met but it gives me a chance to know her more. I'm also trying to figure out when I can ask her if she wants to go out again soon. She did say without me probing that she is busy tonight, but mostly free the rest of the week, almost like she wants me to know her schedule. I also want to add her on Facebook, and I want to ask her about that. I'm still new to initing things so I am kinda making it up as I go along.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Could be a couple different things and I'm not sure without knowing more. Was the sex good? For her?? Was the timeline date, date, date, sex, date, then the I'm not good with relationships? If it was a bad romp in the sack she may have kinda lost that feeling. Im not saying this is what happened just if I have the timeline right its not off of the table. If the sex was good then that might be what she wants now. She showed up for the next date and wanted round two. You went head into the relationship pool and scared her away. Or finally, it could be shes guarded. The sex was good and it put relationship on her mind too early for her. Now shes still seeing you to not feel like a slut but needs to pump the brakes to figure out how she feels about everything. In the future kill the you always have to initiate thing by asking her to text you at a certain time the next day. You will find out if shes flaky or just shy pretty quickly. Shy girls will initiate all the time if you give them permission.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Could be a couple different things and I'm not sure without knowing more. Was the sex good? For her?? Was the timeline date, date, date, sex, date, then the I'm not good with relationships? If it was a bad romp in the sack she may have kinda lost that feeling. Im not saying this is what happened just if I have the timeline right its not off of the table. I hope the sex was good for her, I don't even know how to ask that. We've only been on three dates, first date was dinner. Second date I took her to the local hot springs where we had lots of physical contact, cuddled during a movie on my couch, made out, then we had sex in my room. Each time, I initiated, I held her hands, I rubbed her thighs, I kissed her, and I asked her if she wanted sex. After we had sex, she said she wasn't expecting it to happen, but she was glad it did.. If the sex was good then that might be what she wants now. She showed up for the next date and wanted round two. You went head into the relationship pool and scared her away. Our third date was me taking her to lunch on her lunch break from work, then after words I took her back to work. I just texted her if she wants to gets together again one evening this week and less then a minute later she said yes. We are comparing schedules now. Or finally, it could be shes guarded. The sex was good and it put relationship on her mind too early for her. Now shes still seeing you to not feel like a slut but needs to pump the brakes to figure out how she feels about everything. This is what all my female friends say to, they think she is just working her mind through this and to just take it slow and easy if I want to keep her. In the future kill the you always have to initiate thing by asking her to text you at a certain time the next day. You will find out if shes flaky or just shy pretty quickly. Shy girls will initiate all the time if you give them permission. I will give this a shot, see what happens.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 She wants to have another date this week, but something simple like cooking at my house and spending the date there. I am curious, should I bring up the topic of sex with her if the date goes well, or just go with it like we did n the second date, which was touching and cuddling followed by making out and then sex? Because what I want to ask her is not just will she have sex with me, I want to ask what she likes, what kind of birth control is she on, and other important questions.
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Remember how much you enjoyed it & how flattering it was when those past girls chased you? Why wouldn't you want to give those warm fuzzies to someone else? If she is asking to come to your house, sex is pretty much a given. Just see how the night progresses but don't kill the mood by over-talking about it. Waiting to see if she texts you 1st is game playing. If you want to have contact with her reach out. I like the idea of asking her to text you around a certain time to see how she responds to that. If she's a go with the flow kind of girl & you're not sure you want a relationship, just go with the flow. You are already getting the benefits. Why rock the boat?
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