Nony101 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 To be honest, I'm not sure why this bothers me so much, but it does. My fiancee was having a girls night at one of their houses and they decided to get some food for take out. When they arrived at the restaurant, it was mostly empty, so the male host/bartender asked if they wanted anything to drink while they waited for the food. They both requested waters, but were brought free margaritas. I guess that's not really the part that bothers me. The part that bothers me is that she kept going on and on about it. She kept saying things like even though she didn't look all that great that evening, they gave her a free margarita or even though she was wearing her engagement ring she got a free margarita, and how that's never happened before. She went on for like 10 minutes. I tell her she's beautiful all of the time because she is, but it seems like only when another guy tells her this does she believe it. Like I said, I don't understand why this makes me upset, but things were going so well between us (and hadn't been for a while), and now this and I'm just sick to my stomach.
MidwestUSA Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 You need to just laugh it off. She's looking for validation from you to validate the validation she got from the free drink! I've read your history, she's really immature and needy. Would it have been a problem if you were out with her and got a free drink out of the deal too? It's certainly nothing to get sick to your stomach about. If you're engaged, there will be plenty of battles to pick later. Learn to say 'oh, that's wonderful, dear'. Best of luck to you.
Author Nony101 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Thank you for your response. I appreciate it. To answer your question, if I was out with her and we both got free drinks, I don't think that would bother me. I think the part that bothers me is that regardless of how often I told her she's beautiful and how important she is to me, and how much I love her, some other guy shoots her a free drink and all of the sudden she rubs it in my face like I never pay her any compliments. To be honest, she is getting better. My post history paints an ugly picture of her, but she is getting better. We've had a few arguments and discussions about things, and our relationship has improved.
Zahara Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Thank you for your response. I appreciate it. To answer your question, if I was out with her and we both got free drinks, I don't think that would bother me. I think the part that bothers me is that regardless of how often I told her she's beautiful and how important she is to me, and how much I love her, some other guy shoots her a free drink and all of the sudden she rubs it in my face like I never pay her any compliments. To be honest, she is getting better. My post history paints an ugly picture of her, but she is getting better. We've had a few arguments and discussions about things, and our relationship has improved. Oh my, sick to your stomach over that? She probably had a huge ego boost and was seeking more validation from you. If this makes you sick to your stomach, there'll be bigger issues to deal with when you get married. Let this one go. 1
HappyLove Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Maybe it's her history of doing things like this that's finally getting on your nerves. She seems insecure and it makes her happy that something like this happened. I guess if I'm being honest, she just wants to let you know people must think she's hot. Some people just get a big kick out of it when they can feel like they still got it. She's probably telling everyone she sees. I'm sure she doesn't mean any harm. Kinda scary that it's making you so upset, but that may be due to some resentment or your probably just as immature.
FitChick Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Next time say, "They have very good taste in women" and give her a kiss. 1
TXGuy Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I think the part that bothers me is that regardless of how often I told her she's beautiful and how important she is to me, and how much I love her, some other guy shoots her a free drink and all of the sudden she rubs it in my face like I never pay her any compliments. She is not doing this to tell you that you never pay her compliments. She is telling you other men want her and she has other guys lining up to date her/hook up with her. It is the female version of 'dread game.' Basically, she could have had sex with someone else that night. She knows it. She liked it. And she wants to be sure that you know it too. At best, she is telling you you better stay on your toes and keep her happy. At worst, she is telling you it doesn't matter what you do, it will never be enough. 2
Phantom888 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 She feels good about what happened, and you should be happy about it too. To tell you the truth, this is how restaurants/bars get people to spend more money. It's hard to just have one drink. It's a marketing strategy. Those bartenders are trained to charm the women into buying more drinks. It's their job. So don't think anything of it. Be glad that she had a good time, and that she felt attractive. NEVER allow your woman to feel unattractive.... that's a whole can of worms!!!!!! 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Much as I hate to agree with TXGuy, it's right there..... She's telling you, 'you got me, but other guys want it too....' It's also a form of ego-trip, SELF-Validation, if you will. It comforts her and reassures her that you liking her, is no accident. It's possible, feasible and likely that others like her too. And the reason she banged on about it, is that maybe, that came as an eye-opener, a surprise to her. Naturally, your BF is going to be loving and complimentary, isn't he? I mean, you're in love with her, of course you're going to tell her she's lovely and beautiful and sexy, and fun.... Coming from someone who's committed and engaged, well... that's all very good, an' all that.... But a complete stranger? wow. Who'd have thunk it....?
Author Nony101 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Thanks for the great responses everyone. This helps out immensely. I guess when I said sick to my stomach, I guess that was probably over dramatic. It just didn't sit right with me. Part of it I think is my own insecurity, and I think that has a lot to do with why I do so much and extend so much of myself. Unfortunately, because of that, I started to build resentment because I wasn't getting back anywhere remotely the amount that I was investing (primarily because it's unreasonable). It's hard for me to realize and accept that I am doing enough for her. I'm reading a book about boundaries in marriage, and that is helping out quite a bit. Ultimately, I should have just let this brush off and not let it bother me so much.
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