bbbjack Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Hey guys, I met this girl while I was studying one night. We were glancing over at each other for about a week every night until I went up to her and talked to her. So last night I asked her out, and she said yes. However, my friend who had mutual friends with her said that she used other guys in the past. Should this be a deal-breaker even before our first date? Thanks.
KatZee Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 She used them how? Used them for sex? Money? Emotional support? What? 1
Philosoraptor Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Get to know her but keep on the look out for those traits. You're hearing rumors and you can't verify that a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend's opinion was true to begin with. And even if she did make those poor decisions in the past there is no guarantee that she will do the same with you. Enjoy your date but keep an eye out for those traits if the date grows into a relationship.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 If I heard that a guy is "a user" from my friends, I wouldn't date him. But that's because I trust my friends and know that they are honest. So yeah, depends on the source.
Priv Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 User in what? We all use people in some way or another. People in relationships and in dating use each other for sex, emotional support, attention etc. All perfectly acceptable. If it's money, well, you are still master of your own wallet.
PegNosePete Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I tend to assume the best of people unless they do something to prove otherwise. If my friends could give specific examples then it may be something that puts me off but even then, if it didn't involve my friends directly, I would remember there are 2 sides to every story. Just a vague "she's a user", I would ignore, but be on the lookout for those traits (but then I would be on the lookout for those traits and many others in any relationship anyway).
Author bbbjack Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 They didn't give specific examples, but apparently she's used her attractiveness to get guys to do things for her. Personally, I didn't really mind, but my friend's telling me to ditch.
Zahara Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 They didn't give specific examples, but apparently she's used her attractiveness to get guys to do things for her. Personally, I didn't really mind, but my friend's telling me to ditch. You can go out with her but make sure that you look out for tendencies of what was said about her. If you see red flags then you can use your own judgement and step away. Just make sure you have your boundaries set in place. I have a feeling her attractiveness may rob you blind if you're not the type that can get out when you see the signs.
carhill Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 My vote is to go for life experience. Watch for signs that *you're* attractive to her and she wants to do things *for you*. If she's a typical taker, as rumor apparently has pegged her, it'll be easy enough to suss out. Simply ignore social hacks and watch authentic actions.
PegNosePete Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 They didn't give specific examples, but apparently she's used her attractiveness to get guys to do things for her. Personally, I didn't really mind, but my friend's telling me to ditch. Well, I would tell your friend that you need more concrete examples than that to write someone off. It's just rumour and heresay. For all you know it could be complete lies made up by a jealous ex boyfriend, and you'd be throwing away your chances with a great girl.
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Go out with her have a good time. She can't get anything your not willing to give. You are young its the time to find out some things and live life. She might be a user who knows? Bill Withers wrote a song about your situation back in 1972 called use me. Check it out.
FitChick Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 If she used you for sex, would you have a problem with it? If she asked you to pay her rent or buy her a car, would you have a problem with it? Make up your own mind. Maybe your friends got rejected by her and are bitter.
Pinch Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 My friends said stay away from her she uses men for material, emotional and financial support.I went out anyway, did she ask for anything, Not once.I don't remember the last time she actually asked me for anything.I am happy to do things for her, which you should be doing if you like her.The other guys, she said they where always keeping score.Im old school.I say treat her like the person you want to be treated.If she abuses your kindness and willingness to help, then drop her but never assume.You could miss out on someone great.
Woggle Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 It depends on how well you trust your friends. As for me I would not date somebody like that.
CrystalCastles Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I would not date her. She's shown to be capable of hurting people to satisfy her selfish needs, what's stopping her from doing that to you? Tread carefully, if you plan on dating her.
Woggle Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 If they will do it others they will do it to you. That is true of anything in life.
c57dood Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 A woman using her looks to get guys to do what she wants them to do?! OH MY GOD what is the world coming to? But seriously, be careful around supremely attractive women they'll get you to do things you told yourself you'd never do!
Versacehottie Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 if she is a user, yes it's a dealbreaker. But don't take what others say about it, make your own mind up. And as others said, she can't take what you are not giving. Just make sure you have your guard up. One small postscript: typically when people have branded someone a user, it has not failed to be misinformation though. So really, really keep your guard up. The reason i say that is she may not take from you materially because with your guard up it won't happen. BUT users MOVE ON unemotionally to the next person they can take from, leaving you emotionally wrecked. So stay cautious.
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