27 days NC- a tough one

[Timpye]

I know I'm going to get grilled but sooner or later I'm going to break NC. She offered me friendship which I turned down, and have basically been NC for 3 weeks. I miss not knowing what she is up to and sooner or later I'm going to break NC even if that means being led on as a friend for a while. Just wondering if I am going to break NC will it make much difference If I wait 1 month, 2 or 3 before I break it? Hate messages come at me

[Simon Phoenix]

I know I'm going to get grilled but sooner or later I'm going to break NC. She offered me friendship which I turned down, and have basically been NC for 3 weeks. I miss not knowing what she is up to and sooner or later I'm going to break NC even if that means being led on as a friend for a while. Just wondering if I am going to break NC will it make much difference If I wait 1 month, 2 or 3 before I break it? Hate messages come at me

 

This is a tragically awful idea. So you are going to break NC to become her weird, creepy, clingy, orbiter friend and you think that will end up well for you? I mean, that's similar to cutting yourself and jumping in a tank of hungry sharks. Go NC not only to recover, but to get this awful plan out of your mind.

 

In the meantime:

 

[pickflicker]

Breaking NC is a sacrfice to your dignity. So long as you know that, go forth. I don't envy you, though.

[realfriends]

You will do it, feel the pain that comes along with it, and hopefully learn your lesson.

[Caliguy30]

Don't do it. I just learned my lesson. If you've held on for that long I know it's hard, but i wish I was able to be 3 months in.

[pickflicker]

With regard to your other question - no, if you're intent on doing this thing, it won't matter if you break it right now. The effect will be the same. You might as well get it over and done with and do it sooner rather than later.

[sportzhl24]

You're contacting her because you feel bad that you denied her friendship offer? Bro, she asked to be FRIENDS. Not lovers. What's the point in being friends with somebody that you have this history with, these feelings for, all these complications and implications?? Don't feel bad because you said no to a friendship offer. Maybe you're confused about what being friends with an ex means. It means this: nothing. Not s***. Smarten up brother and listen to the advice that you are being given.

[CDubs464]

I broke NC after a month on the dot. It did not take long for my ex and I to resume our old dynamic. The only difference is, he is 3,000 miles away (literally; he ditched our relationship after three years... went on a vacation with his dad to Boston... never came back to California. He told me he had feelings for his childhood sweetheart and needed to see where they went... she is in Boston, where he is from). But I digress, in breaking no contact, there were brief moments when I felt the surge of elation I would feel from him while we were together. It was ALWAYS followed with disappointment that this person could not, would not and will never be able to give me what I need from a partner. I was expecting him to show his love and he wouldn't. I was expecting him to know what he was missing, and he doesn't (or if he does, the intimacy that this realization entails freaks him out SO MUCH... he can't speak to this sensation of loss). I would express my needs, he would run away. Literally and figuratively. The time and distance did not change this... that is because... it wasn't that much time. We have been talking on and off for the past month or so and while I haven't back slid ENTIRELY... I have made things more difficult for ME in trying to "Be friends," with someone whom I cannot trust and who can't be open or honest with me. Is this friendship? Is what you would have with your ex friendship? Are you hoping the friendship will turn into a relationship? Love is real. It is very VERY real. Couples can go through A LOT of bad times and still find their way back to each other, I believe. HOWEVER... in order for this to happen... you have to TRUST and let go. It is like Lenny in Steinbeck's, Of Mice and Men. Lenny, a developmentally disabled labor worker with an affinity for small, soft, adorable animals, would find little pets and shower them with so much love and affection, he would smother them. Literally. Bunnies, puppies, kittens... all he was trying to show... was love and all he ended up with was a pile of dead pets. This smothering love turned out to be a pivotal moment in the climatic ending of the tale, which I won't ruin, incase you haven't read it. Too much attachment smothers love. It's like a fire... you can smother it, or give it room to breathe and TRUST that it will burn steady and strong, if left unsmothered. I'm restarting my 90 days of no contact tomorrow. That's another thing... if you break it... starting it again is harder because the addiction is fresh, you have to go through the withdrawal phase again, and... you have to start from square one. (P.S. It has been proven that our partners CHANGE our brain chemistry, so the withdrawal symptoms of an ex are not at all unlike those of drugs... they are chemical in nature). Think on what is best for YOU before breaking NC. Give yourself all the love you've been giving to your ex.... at the least, you'll grow in spirit and in confidence...and is there really, anything sexier then that?

[Keii]

I broke NC today after 29 days. I think that breaking it with the objective of hoping to get back together can definitely be disastrous Will you be okay with hearing about everything in her life? Everything including potential new boyfriends, sexual conquests, etc. Will your heart and mind be able to handle that? It could very well tear you apart, if you're not ready.

 

If you break NC with the intention of being friends, and having already healed yourself, then that's okay.

 

But if you're going to break NC anyway, I say at least a month should pass before you break it. Emotions won't be as high and you might have a better reception from your ex.

[guest572]

The only time you should break the contact is when you know that you truly, truly want to be friends with her and will not feel hurt. Its not a good idea to reach out purely so that you can snoop around and see what she is up to. I think you would be setting yourself up. The problem is that you might think you are ready when you are not. Its really hard to know until you have already made the mistake...

[Jord11]

Try going no contact for a year! will I break it hell no, don't do the chasing brother if she wants to reach out she will, I'm not going to break it what do I say if I do hi how's life how are the other guys treating you, are you in love again, want to hang out again, you know how foolish that will sound, don't give her the ego boost like you can't go on without her, let her miss you let her wonder what you're up too, one day maybe my ex will talk to me again, but she will have to initiate it because there is no wayy I will be the first one too, Just don't do it, it won't get you anywhere

[Timpye]

You're contacting her because you feel bad that you denied her friendship offer? Bro, she asked to be FRIENDS. Not lovers. What's the point in being friends with somebody that you have this history with, these feelings for, all these complications and implications?? Don't feel bad because you said no to a friendship offer. Maybe you're confused about what being friends with an ex means. It means this: nothing. Not s***. Smarten up brother and listen to the advice that you are being given.

 

I'm not contacting her because I feel bad. I'm contacting her because I still love and miss her... 1 and a half months post break up she said she really hopes to be friends which means she might want me in her life in some capacity. If I am maybe things could grow from this? The reason I ask whether there is a difference if contact now or in a month or 2 is because maybe if a wait a few months she may contact me before then or her feelings towards me could change? I dunno

[hea]

I'm not contacting her because I feel bad. I'm contacting her because I still love and miss her... 1 and a half months post break up she said she really hopes to be friends which means she might want me in her life in some capacity. If I am maybe things could grow from this? The reason I ask whether there is a difference if contact now or in a month or 2 is because maybe if a wait a few months she may contact me before then or her feelings towards me could change? I dunno

 

 

 

 

 

says it all. you want her back and that's the reason your doing it, not to be her friend. If she wanted to come back she would let you know. Don't chase and lose your pride.

[Timpye]

I broke NC after a month on the dot. It did not take long for my ex and I to resume our old dynamic. The only difference is, he is 3,000 miles away (literally; he ditched our relationship after three years... went on a vacation with his dad to Boston... never came back to California. He told me he had feelings for his childhood sweetheart and needed to see where they went... she is in Boston, where he is from). But I digress, in breaking no contact, there were brief moments when I felt the surge of elation I would feel from him while we were together. It was ALWAYS followed with disappointment that this person could not, would not and will never be able to give me what I need from a partner. I was expecting him to show his love and he wouldn't. I was expecting him to know what he was missing, and he doesn't (or if he does, the intimacy that this realization entails freaks him out SO MUCH... he can't speak to this sensation of loss). I would express my needs, he would run away. Literally and figuratively. The time and distance did not change this... that is because... it wasn't that much time. We have been talking on and off for the past month or so and while I haven't back slid ENTIRELY... I have made things more difficult for ME in trying to "Be friends," with someone whom I cannot trust and who can't be open or honest with me. Is this friendship? Is what you would have with your ex friendship? Are you hoping the friendship will turn into a relationship? Love is real. It is very VERY real. Couples can go through A LOT of bad times and still find their way back to each other, I believe. HOWEVER... in order for this to happen... you have to TRUST and let go. It is like Lenny in Steinbeck's, Of Mice and Men. Lenny, a developmentally disabled labor worker with an affinity for small, soft, adorable animals, would find little pets and shower them with so much love and affection, he would smother them. Literally. Bunnies, puppies, kittens... all he was trying to show... was love and all he ended up with was a pile of dead pets. This smothering love turned out to be a pivotal moment in the climatic ending of the tale, which I won't ruin, incase you haven't read it. Too much attachment smothers love. It's like a fire... you can smother it, or give it room to breathe and TRUST that it will burn steady and strong, if left unsmothered. I'm restarting my 90 days of no contact tomorrow. That's another thing... if you break it... starting it again is harder because the addiction is fresh, you have to go through the withdrawal phase again, and... you have to start from square one. (P.S. It has been proven that our partners CHANGE our brain chemistry, so the withdrawal symptoms of an ex are not at all unlike those of drugs... they are chemical in nature). Think on what is best for YOU before breaking NC. Give yourself all the love you've been giving to your ex.... at the least, you'll grow in spirit and in confidence...and is there really, anything sexier then that?

 

I have read the book in fact. And you make a very valid point. My question to you is after the 90 days will you contact her. I set myself a challange of 100 days and I know if I make it to that point I will most likely contact her. I mean the thing is eventually I will feel the need to make contact instead of living in uncertainty of whether or not she ever will.

[Timpye]

says it all. you want her back and that's the reason your doing it, not to be her friend. If she wanted to come back she would let you know. Don't chase and lose your pride.

 

Yep , not easy tho ... But il stick it out at least a month longer

[pickflicker]

I have read the book in fact. And you make a very valid point. My question to you is after the 90 days will you contact her. I set myself a challange of 100 days and I know if I make it to that point I will most likely contact her. I mean the thing is eventually I will feel the need to make contact instead of living in uncertainty of whether or not she ever will.

 

But if she doesn't contact you, why don't you just respect her wishes and not contact her? If she wanted you, she's be with you, wouldn't she?

[hea]

Yep , not easy tho ... But il stick it out at least a month longer

 

 

 

if she wanted you back she would let you know. Im presuming she split up with you right? The more you enjoy life without her the more she will want to be a part of it. Success is the answer. Make your self successful, (have fun, get a good job, live life, try new things, get more friends, etc.) and she will want to be a part of it. Sit, wallow, and chase, and you will push her further away. Let her come to you.

[Timpye]

For anyone who knows what a snap chat is feel free to respond. Iv been in NC but been feeling down lately and feel the need to contact my ex. Is sending a snap chat such a bad idea? It can easily be played off as being sent accidentaly and isn't actually contact as such

[David87]

For anyone who knows what a snap chat is feel free to respond. Iv been in NC but been feeling down lately and feel the need to contact my ex. Is sending a snap chat such a bad idea? It can easily be played off as being sent accidentaly and isn't actually contact as such

 

That's breaking NC. It's a bad ideea , don't do it.

[veggirl]

No don't do it.

 

The whole "oops that wasn't meant for you" thing is SO TRANSPARENT and your ex will know it was meant for him/her and it will make you look desperate. Just don't. Delete your ex from Snapchat contacts instead.

[counterman]

I agree, don't do it. Remove her from your snapchat list and delete her number from your phone.

[TheyCallMeOx]

NC isn't for your ex boyfriend's benefit; it's for you. You could send him a snap chat, but it's going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt him. Things happen on accident; my e-mail got hacked and a link got sent to my ex-girlfriend's email address, that was an accident because it was beyond my control. However, if you intentionally send a snap-chat ...you know it's not a mistake. You know it's not an accident. That's breaking NC. Stop trying to find loop holes in the system and focus on NOT trying to contact. NC is designed to help you, not hurt you.

[reddragon588]

That's the same as sending a text message. Stop looking for ways to contact and start looking for ways to move on.

[pickflicker]

Sorry. No trying to circumvent the system. Delete the app, if the temptation is too great.

[Simon Phoenix]

Bad, bad, bad. Not only should you not be contacting, but do you really think that your ex is going to buy the passive-aggressive "Whoops, sent it to you by mistake" ploy? Not a chance.