D-Lish Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Just my luck... I've met someone I really click with. Its been ages since I've had butterflies or felt comfortable enough with someone to get close to. I met a guy recently and we've hit it off in a major way. He got a job offer today and its not something he can or should pass up- he's being transferred to another province. We've only been on three dates, but I really like him. It just sucks. He will be around for another 6 weeks before he leaves. He wants to make the best of the time we have left together. I am not sure I want to proceed with getting more attached when I know he's going to be moving a four hour plane ride away. I'm in Ontario, and he's moving to Vancouver. I was driving home from dinner with him tonight and I hit every single red light on the way home- which seems to be the story of my life. I never hit green lights. What would you guys do... Make the best of the time you have left, or cut it off to save the heartache? 1
Barbarossa Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I would make the best of the time you have left with him
Author D-Lish Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 I would make the best of the time you have left with him It's going to hurt a lot if I invest any more feelings into the relationship- that's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to get hurt. I feel a little heartbroken now- If I spend another month with him, I think I could really fall for him. I have one friend that says I should cut my losses, another suggests what you have suggested. I'm on the fence regarding what to do.
pickflicker Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Date someone else while dating him. Stops you from putting all your emotions in one basket.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I think you should spend more time with him. Maybe you will find that you are not that compatible and it will be painless. Maybe you will fall madly in love, decide to try a LDR and then who knows what might happen. I probably went 2 years without feeling butterflies. So yeah, I wouldn't let a good connection go. 5
Els Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 In your shoes, I would continue to see him and see how things go, because if they go well, I am not averse to being in a LDR. I did LD for 2 years and it was the best relationship-related decision I've ever made, because we've been together for 5+ years now (past 3+ years non-LD) and I've not met anyone else whom I clicked with even half as well in that time. However, if you are 100% against LDRs, I don't suppose there is a point in continuing to see him. 1
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I met a girl once with only 2 weeks left before I left on vacation for the summer. One night about 4 dates in while watching the stars I looked at her and said, "This is crazy but I think I love you". She looked at me and said, "Thats not crazy, I know I love you". So I took her on vacation with me. We fell in love, traveled the world, had 2 children, danced under the stars every chance we got, and laughed every day for 14 years. So who is to say, stranger things have happened. Keep an open mind and an open heart. Life is too short. 8
ascendotum Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I think you should spend more time with him. .... I probably went 2 years without feeling butterflies. So yeah, I wouldn't let a good connection go. Seconded. As you get older those butterfly times get rarer. Make the most of it. Sure there's a very good chance you get heartbreak with it, but at least you can mentally steel yourself for it. You wont get blindsided. Its up to you, but I'd take a roller coaster of emotions for the next 6 weeks vs the normal daily humdrum business as usual routine, without a doubt. Great times when you are gaga for the person you are dating still gets you great memories regardless imo. Maybe if you prone to fall into depression following a breakup with high intensity feelings, it might not be ideal. 1
burningashes Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 That sucks! I went through something similar with an ex who wanted to move to Ontario (I'm from AB). I had just started dating him and he told me this because he didn't want to lead me on, wanted me to know this so I could decide whether to continue the relationship or not. We waffled back and forth whether we could manage a LDR until I said, "If things go really well, I would consider moving as well." It was a bit different with him because we really liked each other and wanted to make it work. I told him that I wouldn't stop him from moving but I'd think about it. He never ended up moving back, but it was a possibility I was willing to explore because I really liked him. We ended up dating for about a year. I would have been fine if we had moved and it didn't work out- I would have either had to come back or move on with my life there. So I never had to worry about that, and really didn't have anything to lose by moving. Ontario to Vancouver is a long shot though, and I'm not sure if you'd consider doing that for a guy. I was with my ex for a few months when I found this out and you two just met so things are a little different than my situation. In any case, you may have to move on. Sorry, this is a huge blow 1
Author D-Lish Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Hey, thanks everyone for responding. I met someone a while back, and he too moved for his job. I wasn't as invested in him after months of dating and chose not to accept his offer to go with him. My exH and I also had a very long LDR. He worked all over the world, and he was rarely home- we lived that way for 10 years as a couple. The distance tore us apart, and I swore I'd never do it again. I keep meeting ambitious men, which isn't a surprise as I have that drive instilled in me as well. I just wait for positions that suit where I want to live. I don't think I'd pick up and leave everything behind for more pay or a better title somewhere else. We're still talking, and we have planned to see one another Thursday when we're both off. I still don't know where my head is at:(. 2
Author D-Lish Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Does distance have to be a perm end? I don't know. I've just been there and done that before with my ex-H. LDR's are very lonely. I think I'm at the point where I want to come home to someone most nights. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) At this point you don't really know the potential of the relationship or who this guy is, but in general terms.. A "brief" run-down of the "good and bad and the ugly" with LDR IMO: Good - If you're a private person who enjoys their personal space/time, it can be a nice balance between moderating the time you spend in a relationship/dating...especially if you're the type of person to go head-over-heels, caught up in a new romance - You get to travel out of your hometown, this means going out to new places you haven't been before or seen, change of environment which can be less stressful and more relaxing than just being in the same neighborhood like maybe the same damn buildings or freeway you see everyday on the way to work...so it might feel more like an "adventure" and mini-vacation than just another typical at home date/relationship - When you see each other it's like "OMG I've been missing you for sooooo long *muah muah muah muah muah* *sex noises* - You tend to be more expressive and communicative because you have more time to think to yourself and gather your thoughts, gives you more of an opportunity to manage your own feelings without the presence and distraction of the other person...you might be a bit more transparent than you would be seeing each other every day, might get to know each other a bit more since you can't see each other all the time...but this depends on a number of things of course Bad - You kind of don't really get to know the person on the level of how they are or live day to day life, it leaves some gaps in understanding of the person that can be overlooked from a distance and no matter how you communicate it doesn't replace or give you the experience of having to maintain a relationship with them and seeing them in the good or bad times...because they can CHOOSE when to engage you over a distance - Because of the yearning and longing it can consequently fast-forward a relationship into high gear and into certain commitments out of convenience or because it's "easier" to just...live together, or to relocate, or some other life changing decision...which could really derail your life if things don't go according to plan in the long-term - An illusion of perfection...many times people get the illusion that because they get along so well over a distance that everything would be "perfect" once together, when often times you become accustomed to that dynamic over a longer period...then when the relationship becomes an everyday thing it can be stressful or suffocating because you no longer have that space...but from afar, only having to invest heavily emotionally and personal time wise in these spurts of moments that are so "perfect" you think you can maintain that 24 hours a day (just because you have spectacular weeks/months together) and then you realize that you were only experiencing the relationship in one light, it's a much different case knowing that person essentially goes "home" at the end of it Ugly - Because of the distance these type of relationships can be ideal for commitment phobes, they provide the flexibility and limited infraction within their personal lives, allowing themselves to basically "manage" their relationships into the confines that are more ideal for their lifestyle...although they might tell you "I wish we could be together always!....but sadly, I live here...you live there" they don't have to go about making an excuse or reason why they're not spending all their time and energy with you, they get to have their own personal life away from you with a perfectly "valid" reason by default - Ideal for people who are seeing other people. Because of the loneliness it can also bring being in a LDR it can leave a space and void within the person to have something more "regular"...so, they can meet someone locally, start "seeing them" on the side and you'd basically never know it...he/she can still figure out ways to call you every night or maintain the routine you've developed in your LDR to stay in communication...by the time you figure it out it can just be "I don't think long-distance works for me, so it's basically over...of course there isn't anyone else!" phone call - Personal issues/problems can go unseen in a LDR, someone could be struggling or keeping secret a major personal issue(s)...that person may struggle with something severe that greatly inhibits or causes issues in their lives that you might not get a whiff of spending time here and there with them..and that can really blow up in your face, maybe they're an alcoholic, maybe they're bouncing off the walls at home alone, maybe they're incredibly depressed, all these things can be hidden from you until it's much farther down the road then it's just a shocker and greatly influences/changes the dynamic in the relationship ................. I don't really think you're at the point above...yet, but it's really up to you and what you want/need right now in your life....chances are you'll probably continue seeing him, I hear a lot of people have trouble finding partners they have good chemistry so they tend to have a desire to "see where it goes"...so, what can you say, guess you gotta give a shot. Personally, I'd be weighing in the realistic factors...but then again, I wouldn't be looking for things to get super serious and I probably wouldn't mind the distance either. But for something really serious and something I'd want close and everyday, I'd be looking for something more permanent in that light. If you're not looking for another whirlwind long-distance romance, I'd be a bit careful...which basically means once you're emotionally invested after those apprehensive "doubts" then you'll just be on auto-pilot for the most part afterwards and "see where it goes"...but I'd really think about this if you're not looking to get hurt or disappointed...I mean "anything" is possible....it's just honestly not LIKELY, that's all I'm sayin...read the writing on the wall and face how you feel if you want the honest trust, otherwise, just turn a blind eye and you basically know the consequences and the gamble...I doubt anyone has to explain that to you. Edited February 12, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas 2
Emilia Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 I would cut him off. Not to be cynical here but now I'm at a stage that when I'm certain that it won't work, I force myself to move on. Don't spend the next 6 weeks getting more attached while he is getting laid enjoying the 'romance'. It's done. He is moving on. Apparently happy to. The end. 1
Noproblem Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Cut it off before it burns you even more I feel you
Author D-Lish Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 I would cut him off. Not to be cynical here but now I'm at a stage that when I'm certain that it won't work, I force myself to move on. Don't spend the next 6 weeks getting more attached while he is getting laid enjoying the 'romance'. It's done. He is moving on. Apparently happy to. The end. Well, he's not happy to - if he was happy to move on from our unexpected romance I'd move on right away. Like the last guy I dated with ambitious visions, he's wanting me to go with him. Not moving right away, but he's asked that I consider it in the future. The last guy I dated, I just didn't feel it enough to change anything about my current situation - with this guy, I could see it potentially at some point- just not right now. That would put me in a LDR situation- I don't want that again either.
Author D-Lish Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 Cut it off before it burns you even more I feel you My best friend says the same- and thank you. I booked a solo vacation to Florida since finding out, he's not happy with me for doing so. I just want to get away and clear my head. I'm leaving in two weeks for 6 days. 5
Emilia Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Well, he's not happy to - if he was happy to move on from our unexpected romance I'd move on right away. Like the last guy I dated with ambitious visions, he's wanting me to go with him. Not moving right away, but he's asked that I consider it in the future. The last guy I dated, I just didn't feel it enough to change anything about my current situation - with this guy, I could see it potentially at some point- just not right now. That would put me in a LDR situation- I don't want that again either. It's been only 3 dates D-lish. You don't know each other. Just remember that part please. 1
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Leave it at that. Be thankful you got the news after 3 dates. Remember him as a great guy you had 3 dates with. Could have been worse, it happened to me 6 months into the relationship. Poof! gone.
FitChick Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Most people settle for geographic convenience. As if that guarantees you will never be hurt.
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