Pmonica Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) Hello, I am in a dilema. To start from the beginning .. I got married about 8 months back..about 6 months before that I broke up with my boyfriend from college.. we dated for 2 and a half and decided to break up because we were quite immature.. i was very insecure in the relationship and felt he would leave me ..and he was quite the flirt and loved attention from other girls..and we could never figure out a mid way. We loved each other because we were best friends for about 3 years before we dated and everyone would tell us what a great pair we were and our chemistry was great. After we broke up he moved away but we were in touch everyday and it was on and off for about a year and a half . He wasn't ready to commit the whole time we were dating and during the break up so I told my parents to set me up. I rejected most of the guys because I was still in touch with my ex and kept comparing them to him. Finally i told him I cldnt be in touch because I was going to marry the guy I had currently met. He then said he would marry me which really confused me because that's what I had wanted the whole time and at that point I was angry that he had put me through all this and we mutually decided we weren't right for each other and I got married. The guy I married is the exact opposite of my ex.. he isn't as tall and good looking, or charming and our chemistry is alright but he thinks of me like a princess and treats me well and is a really nice guy. I know he isn't the kind to look for attention elsewhere and he has my interests in mind. With my husband it feels more secure and I come home and I know I am in a safe place but I don't love him as madly and passionately which does bother me . It has been about 1 yr and 3 months since I spoke to my ex..and I know that I will always have a soft spot for him since he was my first everything . Our personalities matched because we are both loud and adventurous and had a great time together but as a couple we were not as matched. I keep thinking of getting back in touch with him because he was quite an important person in my life and one of my most important friends. It makes me sad to think that we don't even have a friendship. I heard he had moved on and dated/dating someone other than that I don't know how he is. I know ex-es cant be friends and I don't want to complicate my current life because I went to hell and back after the break up and I know so did he . I feel more secure now in my relationship and would like to have some kind of friendship with my ex. I know that there could also be a scenario where he wants nothing to do with me ..but I keep thinking if we can go back to be friends it would be so great. Am I crazy to think that or should I wait longer before contacting him ? Thanks Edited February 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
BikerAccnt Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 In this particular case I'd say no. It sounds more as if you have unresolved feeling for your EX, rather than a genuine desire to just be friends. I think this would be very bad for your marriage. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 No, because you clearly still have feelings for your ex and compare your husband unfavourably to him. It would be a very bad idea. Focus on your marriage. If for some reason you do decide to go ahead and reach out, make sure you discuss it with your husband first and find out how he feels (Don't leave out anything you told us). If you were truly 'just friends' you'd all be able to meet up together. 1
Author Pmonica Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Thanks. Yes i do agree that there is unresolved feelings.. but i feel like these feelings will never go away nor will the pain of missing him and i keep having dreams of meeting my ex platonically. I have some good weeks and then a week where its a heartache the entire week and getting through the week is hell. if something good happens i keep wishing i could communicate that with him and the brief thought that he is in my life brings me a lot of happiness even if its just as an acquaintance..otherwise there is a wide gaping hole in my life where i don't have a sense of peace. In one hand i feel i could be friends with him..and the pain of missing him will go away and we don't even live in the same country anymore ( i moved away because of all this ) so the chances of us ever meeting in person are zero.. but on the other hand because it was so messy a break up .. I don't know how I can even bring my husband into the loop without making him feel insecure or maintain a healthy balance without bringing any unresolved feelings into this..
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