TooPatient Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 I haven't talked to my "girlfriend" in a week and a half. Just some texts. We have different beliefs about what's expected. We've both been spoiled in past relationships, both a lil stubborn, and now no communication. We didn't even have a big fight, we never have in the 9 months of dating. Basically she wants me to get a job closer to her so we're not 40 mins apart. We've been having lil disagreements every week for a while now, so I'm not comfortable with the idea of moving my life closer to her yet. So it's become a cycle that's now seemingly coming to an end. She's so different from anyone I've dated…in good and bad ways. 50% of me wants to stay, 50 wants to go. That's not good…obviously. Both of our fathers have had major health issues in the past week and that's all we've texted about. Last thing I sent Tuesday was telling her I'm here if she needs me. Haven't heard from her since. I needed to vent.
OhThatGirl Posted January 30, 2014 Posted January 30, 2014 You're thinking of giving up a job, 40 minutes away from your girlfriend, who you're 50% committed to, because she says so? Even though you have been arguing and haven't heard from her? Worst idea ever. This has nothing to do with your job being 40 minutes away. In this economic climate you'd be crazy to give up a job that was 40 minutes away from YOU. It's just not working for any number of reasons. Please don't give up your job. You'd likely find yourself without a girlfriend OR a job. 1
Author TooPatient Posted January 31, 2014 Author Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) I'm not leaving my job until I find another one. I need to find another job tho, I'm way burnt out and just coasting for now at my current one. So I'm planning on finding different work with or without her. Whether I find work in the city or stay 40 mins out in the burbs was influenced by our relationship tho, but I wouldn't mind finding work there even if we are breaking up. I'm really shocked it's seemingly ending like this. Or she's just taking her sweet time. I'm not going to wait to hear from her much longer. If I don't hear anything by Saturday, I'll get in contact with her to break up officially. Can't say it's easy tho. Today's been a lil rough. Ever feel like one minute you want to call and work things out and the next you just want to call and end it for good? I'm really 50/50 but feel for the most part I'd rather we have a good talk and work it out…or not. lol ****. Edited January 31, 2014 by TooPatient
Author TooPatient Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 I was doing good, had my mind made up to just let her go. She wasn't going to call me, she's traditional in the way that she feels the man should initiate the call to resolve things. So my friends left after the super bowl tonight and I got a surge of loneliness…I usually get a bit of anxiety Sunday night b/c the work week is about to begin. So I texted her. We needed to talk anyway, I can't move on without some closure or whatever. We talked on the phone and she basically said she hasn't contacted me b/c she's already said what she wants and that I know what she wants. She wants me to live and work closer to her, she wants to do "activities" more often. (Movies, roller-skating, etc..) We do something every weekend but there's some stuff we haven't gotten around to doing, she was complaining about it a lot and that's what frustrated me and started this nearly 2 weeks of not talking. So we're going to talk in person this week. While she's good for me, she motivates me to better myself and I feel great with her, I'm just not sure she's right for me and I'm right for her. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure we're not…I just have a hard time with breakups even though I'd thought of breaking up a few times before this. It's like, once a girl seems like she can live without me, I don't want to breakup. She seemed ok if we didn't talk anymore. I wish I could be that mature and in control of my emotions. I'm not tho. I've had nearly 2 weeks to think, so by the time we talk this week I really need to figure out what I want.
Author TooPatient Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 2 days later. Leaning towards splitting officially. We've just had meaningless texts and I haven't set any time for us to talk in person. Unless she shows some initiative, I'm not seeing the point. It's really sad.
Author TooPatient Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 She finally contacted me today. She wanted to meet up tomorrow for dinner. I already had plans so I told her I couldn't. We said maybe another time and left it at that. I feel better knowing I wasn't totally forgotten at least.
Author TooPatient Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) Starting a new thread b/c I haven't gotten any further input on my "Venting" thread to bounce my thoughts off. Me and my gf/ex, whatever she is now, haven't seen each other for over 3 weeks now. There's another girl that I briefly dated when me and my girl first met. She became friends with my friends, and this past weekend we all hung out. Earlier today I asked her about v-day and she has plans Friday with a "friend." Good for her, not trying to imply anything negative. Me and my girl talked later about having dinner Friday. She asked "we can do something romantic?" She seems oblivious to the fact we won't have seen each other for nearly a month by then. THEN, the other girl text me saying she's not dating anyone seriously and is open Saturday. I'm going into the talk with my girl assuming this will be the last time we get together and we'll officially break it off finally. I do have feelings for her obviously, so my only worry is her coming with a convincing case that we can make it work. If I were to work things out, I'd be a big jerk to the other girl. It'll be like choosing my girl over her for the second time. I have till Friday to make up my mind 100% about moving on. (this is very concise, more details are in the other thread if more perspective helps) Edited February 11, 2014 by TooPatient
David87 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Move on, she had her chance to be with you. 1
OhThatGirl Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I read through your other posts. I think the fact that you're entertaining the idea of seeing this other girl means that you probably know things aren't progressing with the girl you've been dating. Has she even mentioned the fact you haven't seen each other in weeks? She lives 40-50 minutes away and I know this has come up a few times for you, but this isn't really that far to travel if you feel very strongly for someone and have a relationship that keeps growing and moving towards something serious... Have you been talking often? Was there an argument or conflict that hasn't been resolved but rather just avoided? I'm just confused by her wanting to have a romantic dinner for Valentines Day when for the last 3 weeks there hasn't been a big enough reason to spend time together? I seem to always be saying "move on" (then again I am often commenting in the Breaking Up section of this forum so maybe it's warranted...) I don't want to say give up on the old girl, try something with the new girl... I just don't know enough about your dynamic to know if it's not unusual for you to go this long without seeing each other OR if things are just fading but she wants to keep busy and have romance for Valentines Day. Actually.. I think it's more telling that the other girl made a point to let you know she was free on Saturday... Either way it's unfair to keep these girls hanging if you want to make plans with them. If you do decide to make plans for Saturday I think it would be fair to tell the old girl that you are going to see other people. Uh. Without seeming like you're rubbing her face in it. (?) Hell I don't know. It's late. Hopefully someone else can help because I'm as unsure about this as you are. 2
Author TooPatient Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) Haha Obviously I'm just as confused as you OhThatGirl. She hasn't pressed to hang out in 3 weeks, but since we've been back in contact she's said that she's always been open to meeting up and talking. I know part of this is on me b/c I was basically ignoring her too. It's like we were playing chicken with who would contact the other first…tho I still wonder if we'd ever have talked again if I didn't contact her. She hasn't brought up the 3 weeks we haven't seen each other, I guess she just wants to address that in person. She's so…different. It's definitely not normal for us to not see each other for 3 weeks. We've never gone more than a week without seeing each other except for when she went to China for a month. We've been talking off and on since she wanted to meet up last Friday. It's always small talk about nothing important. Today we've had some texts and she sent me a cute picture of us. Idk why. The mood of her texts have changed to more flirty like before this issue began. We've never really had an argument, just some frustration on that phone call that started this. I believe it has to do with her wanting us to live physically closer and my lack of effort in finding a better job in the city. I do ok, but I definitely need a better job if I want to start a family, so that is something I need to work towards. I've also gotten frustrated that she's always wanting to do activities and never offers to put money towards them, despite our vast difference in income. She's very firm in her belief that the man should always pay. The other girl text me today saying she'd like to "just be friends first," b/c of what happened when we briefly dated before. (After 3 dates spread throughout 3 weeks, she asked if I'd been on dates with anyone else, I told the truth that I had, she didn't like it and we stopped talking) I understand that and pretty much knew I'd have to work a lil harder to convince her if I want to date her again. She also lives 45 mins away in the city btw. So idk. Thanks for writing and giving me feedback guys. If I do this wrong, I can easily end up with nobody and starting fresh, which isn't a terrible thing. Both are pretty good girls tho. The new girl is a better match for me but I've just never had the same spark with her. Edited February 12, 2014 by TooPatient
hestheone66 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 The request for romance maybe just sentimental. If she is so traditional about what men should do she shouldn't be inviting you and since she did she should pay. I would decline a romantic dinner as your current relationship behaviour doesn't warrant it. Go out on sat with other girl also casual . I really think there is a serious lack of compatibility with your gf and you require a more emotionally demonstrative woman 1
Author TooPatient Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 I do require a more emotionally demonstrative woman. My girl was demonstrating it until this incident happened. That's what really threw me off and has been driving me nuts. She hit the brakes on expressing any emotion. I didn't contact either girl and didn't hear from them today either. I really dislike having to initiate everything. I deserve it with the new girl, I know I'll have to work if I want something to happen with her. I'm not going to pursue her until I know for sure me and my girl are done. I'll just keep in friendly contact with that girl in the meantime. I should have a clearer picture by the end of Friday.
crackerjax9 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 You clearly want an aggressive girl who doesn't play games. So, why are you settling? Why do you have to choose between these two girls who play games & need you to initiate everything? The right girl will come along.
movingonnow1 Posted February 13, 2014 Posted February 13, 2014 Move on dude. Staying around won't do you any good.
Author TooPatient Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 I just struggle with being alone after breakups. The other girl wasn't playing games, she wanted to date previously and I ended up with my girl. So I understand her hesitation now. She ended up canceling Saturday…said she was tired and wanted to reschedule…yeah. Me and my girl actually had a good meet up Friday. She didn't feel like I cared about the relationship, that I wasn't looking for work or moving life closer to her, I wasn't working towards our future together. I understand her point of view, it's tough to have a relationship when you only see each other on weekends. So she had given up. I explained that I am looking for work out there in the city b/c it's something I want to do if we date or not. Her tone really changed. Even though I brought up that I don't think we're right for each other, we never officially separated and as of today it's feeling like everything is back to normal. Weird weekend…it definitely didn't go as I pictured. I'm letting the other girl walk obviously. She probably had a v-day date and it must've went well so she canceled. I didn't hear from her the rest of the weekend.
Author TooPatient Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 To update, I'm still not feeling right with talking to my girl again. We met up and I stayed at her place Tuesday and everything went smooth, but I'm really feeling like this is one of those "love isn't enough" situations. I guess this recent incident really broke any faith I had that this could work. Even though I admire her hustle and business mindset, I get sick of every conversation becoming about money/business. It's her passion and honestly I wish that I had a quarter of that passion…it'd certainly make me more successful. It's just not interesting to me and at times I feel like I'm some stock or asset to her that she's just investing (time) in. She's just very matter-of-fact, calculating and it comes off cold sometimes. We express love in different ways, and it's not feeling right to me. Anyway, I'm going to see her Saturday so I hope that my mind is fully made up to end it by then.
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