True or false: no such thing as attractive single women ?

[kodakgirl]

I would like to pose a question then, because in my experience, I find this to be true moreso than false.

 

First, let's get some facts out of the way to those who feel the need to attack my post rather than my question.

 

1) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I understand there are women who consider themselves attractive. That being said, we are talking about beauty from the perspective of the male as evidenced by the question.

 

2) I consider myself an attractive male, and have been told as such many times. Not, I'm not full of myself so please don't go there.

 

3) More than a few of my exes are not considered attractive (to a majority vote). I've been told this many times by friends and family...in a friendly...joking manner (usually AFTER the relationship....)

 

Although there are women who are both attractive and single, I find that by a large margin, most of the women I meet are one of the following:

 

1) Recently out of a relationship. (I don't want to be a rebound and who knows how long it will take for her to move on and be emotionally available.)

 

This usually leads to a FWB situation...

 

2) Currently in a relationship. (I won't entertain the idea of ever being in a relationship with a woman who does this. I made this mistake once, never again.)

 

This leads to a friendship...or nothing. Usually nothing.

 

3) Dating multiple men....romantically

 

I guess this is mostly my values that are in play here. I have never been a fan of multi-dating and generally if I am into a woman, I will move to exclusivity very quickly...

 

 

Now after all of this is understood, I would like to know where I can find attractive women, who are single, who would not be under one the aforementioned categories.

 

I am 28 years old. I don't like to frequent bars to meet women to date....that's where you go to meet women to hook up. I haven't done online dating yet simply because I never have, although I'm starting to wonder what the results of that would be.

 

The thing is... I'm a woman and I could have said all this too, changing 'women' to 'men'. Most attractive worthwhile men are in relationships too, or just out, or multi-dating (which I don't do either). It is hard for all of us. The answer isn't bitterness or blame. It's hope and compassion and happiness in ourselves.

[Woggle]

There are a good number of attractive single women but they want to be single and therefore are unavailable. In most cases if a man wants an attractive single woman he has a very small window to go for it. I suppose the same is true for men. Most attractive people are not single without choosing to be.

[sugarpea]

False.

 

There are plenty of attractive single women out there. Just because you don't bump into them doesn't mean they don't exist. Also perhaps you are being too restrictive in your criteria.

 

Also attraction is different for everyone just because you don't find someone attractive doesn't mean that they aren't attractive to someone else.

 

Welcome to the real world. Everything is competition. You're also only describing it from one side. The guys going for the girls are probably seeing other girls too.

[fortyninethousand322]

You do realize that these sorts of statements are incredibly offensive to the girls posting here who are both single and consider themselves attractive? That you are, in essence, saying any girl who is ever single for longer than an arbitrary amount of time is unattractive, otherwise she wouldn't be single? Thus insulting every single girl's looks?

 

And if you don't care about girls' feelings, then care about the implications-if girls decide "Oh okay I guess I must be ugly," then they are more likely to just stop trying to date all together and become happy with being single (since, hey, guys don't want ugly chicks.) Which means you have now just shaved off a significant portion of potential girls from the singles pool.

 

In short: whining about how you can't find hot, single girls only hurts yourself in the long run.

 

 

Please.

 

Women (yourself included by the way ) never take me seriously whenever I tell them how attractive they are, and how they're not ugly. So now, suddenly women are going to pay attention to what I say if they think I'm calling single women ugly? Really? You want it both ways?

 

Let's be honest, if you (general you, not you specifically) think you're ugly, it has zero to do with what I or anyone have to say on the matter. Don't put the blame on other people for your feelings.

 

So go ahead, be offended. I have nothing to do with it...

[fortyninethousand322]

True, but only confident woman can see right through this guy.

 

I take issue with this statement.

 

All women can see through me. And what they see is not very pretty.

 

Fact.

[Weezy1973]

I would imagine that the percentages of single attractive, average, and unattractive people (women and men) would be consistent with those in relationships. I.e. the same distribution of people in general...

Edited February 12, 2014 by Weezy1973

[Tayken]

FALSE. I am single and look at me! ;-) That sounded mildly narcissistic.

 

Anyways, whats wrong with dating multiple men to find the most suitable one? Is this jealousy issues?

 

It's not competing, it's about finding the one you have the most chemistry with and not settling for less.

 

I think you should do the same.

 

 

If that is you in your avatar...then I'll consider you somewhat "cute", but that is just a pic of your face with your body

 

Jokes aside, beauty is more than just the physical attraction, it's more about what is on the inside. I mean what is the point of dating a pretty face that is nasty on the inside?

[Phoe]

I spent most of my adult life single. No one on the side. No one I was dating. No one I was talking to. SINGLE.

 

And I'm not ugly.

[Phoe]

Thank you so much for saying this, it is just what I was thinking. Hearing this kind of thing over and over is hurtful. The implication is that if you're a single woman, you can't possibly be attractive, or, if you ARE single and attractive, it's because there's something horribly wrong with you (not to mention the implication that woman who aren't stunners aren't worth dating). I am 100% single, no prospects. I also get a lot of feedback that I'm quite attractive and a wonderful person (I certainly believe the latter is true... one of the reasons I doubt the former is threads like this). I've been 100% single for most of my adult life. I haven't wanted to be, but circumstances, shyness, and high standards will do that. Being attractive, single, and a wonderful person does not magically mean the right men just materialize, and some of us would rather be happy with our single lives rather than go with the wrong man. To me, a man who bitterly whines about how attractive women are never single is almost certainly a wrong man.

 

We are very similar in this regard. I spent most of the past year on this forum feeling very put down by the people who would insinuate that because I was single that I either was not that good looking, or I was just a liar. I always got the "Come on, no one actually believes phoe has a hard time dating, right? What an attention seeker. She's full of it." or "Your picture isn't very flattering. You seem to dress badly."

 

 

I was stunned at how sometimes just being on this forum would make me feel horrible about myself. I sometimes had to stay away for a week or so, but inevitably came back.

 

 

Luckily, there are far more understanding people on this forum than the type who behave like the examples above.

[gaius]

There are legions of attractive single women. Often they just don't make themselves very known or hide away. My first girlfriend was shy and used to ride the subway wearing earphones and sunglasses to make herself unapproachable. My last didn't really go out to parties or bars much, didn't do online dating. And she didn't date for years before I snagged her. Phoe is another good example. Hung out with two homos who would blather on about the girls they couldn't get while ignoring what was right next to them. When she finally put herself out there and made herself known she got snatched up in a heartbeat.

 

That old tired cliche about expanding your social circles to meet new people actually is true. Gives you more of a chance to run into one of those women during one of the few appearances they do make.

[acrosstheuniverse]

If there were no attractive single women that would mean all of the attractive women got boyfriends as soon as they hit their 18th birthdays and those relationships lasted for the rest of their lives. I think we all know that this is not the usual manner of things

 

Seriously though I've heard people say that women who are single are only ever two of the following 'hot' 'smart' 'sane'.

 

It's a ridiculous assumption. If she's hot and stable, she's dumb. If she's stable and smart, she's ugly. If she's hot and smart, she's batsht crazy.

 

Totally ignoring the fact that most relationships end and people are single between that relationship and their next which, if you are sensible, is a decent time period of months, to get your act together and find someone new without it being a rebound. I have loads of hot, smart and sane girl friends who are single for months at a time, sometimes years, between relationships.

Edited February 12, 2014 by acrosstheuniverse

[somedude81]

I have known very beautiful women that were single for years. They simply didn't meet anyone that's up to their standards. Doesn't mean that they don't or can't get anyone.

I was going to post pretty much the same thing.

 

The only good looking women that are single, are single by choice.

 

Either they simply don't want to be in a relationship, or nobody they meet is good enough for them.

[somedude81]

The irony is that so often really gorgeous single woman - the Halle Berry types - lament that they have been single for a while because men don't have the nerve to approach them, assuming that a woman that beautiful has a string of guys following her around. Or the only guys who approach them are shallow creeps looking for arm candy.

 

Here's the thing: if you're going after the top 10% of girls, then of course you're going to have competition. Why are you so shocked about that? An OKCupid study determined that 2/3rds of men were emailing only 1/3rd of the women, so a huge bunch of guys were competing for a small, select number of girls.

 

That is the price you pay for going after an extremely hot girl; you have to compete. If you don't want to compete, then start learning how to look for the attractive-enough, more shy/introverted girls. The choice is really up to you.

It's funny how these are the two prevailing thoughts about beautiful women.

 

1) Men are intimidated by them, so those women never get asked out and are single for a long time.

 

2) They get asked out so much that there is lots of competition for them and it's to be expected that they turn down a lot of men. Most of them are never single.

 

So which is it?

[Revolver]

I've said it in other threads it's often important on how you define the term. For example my brother often says that he is "single" but is actively sleeping with at least 2 women on the side right now while dating some women here and there

 

I certainly wouldn't put him in the same category as myself who is "single" or many of my friends even though we're all technically not in a relationship

[somedude81]

If there were no attractive single women that would mean all of the attractive women got boyfriends as soon as they hit their 18th birthdays and those relationships lasted for the rest of their lives. I think we all know that this is not the usual manner of things

Not at all.

 

How about, she got a boyfriend long before she turned 18. Then she meets a new guy, then dumps her boyfriend and gets with him. Then she meets a new guy, then dumps her boyfriend and gets with him. Then she meets a new guy, then dumps her boyfriend and gets with him. Then she meets a new guy, then dumps her boyfriend and gets with him.

 

That repeats until she gets married.

 

The only time that she would be single is if she dumps her boyfriend, and chooses to be single.

 

When I met my ex, she had a boyfriend, and she did dump him, and less than a month later we had our first date. She dumped me, and I wouldn't doubt it for a second that she had three or more guys waiting in line to date her after me. I don't know if she's still single now but if she is, it would be because she chooses to be.

Edited February 12, 2014 by somedude81

[Tayken]

The only time that she would be single is if she dumps her boyfriend, and chooses to be single.

 

Or....funnily enough, boyfriends dumps here

[Targetlock]

the title of this thread is just stupid almost as pointless as saying there are no ugly married women! beauty is in the eye of the beholder and is very subjective and individual in my opinion.

[BradJacobs]

True and false.

 

Read up on game theory and how it relates to dating and you will hopefully find your answer.

 

If an attractive person is single then it's due to choice or because they've run out of acceptable partners (which is a choice in itself but hardwired into some of us).

[Weezy1973]

It's definitely false, but one can easily see why one might get that impression. Some simple math as to why it seems like there are no attractive women (or men) that are single:

 

Granted that attractiveness is somewhat subjective, let's assume a standard(ish) distribution - for the sake of simple math we'll say the world consists of 20% attractive people, 60% average people, and 20% unattractive people.

 

So that means one in every five women would be considered attractive (or at least more attractive than average).

 

Now, approximately 80% of adults are in relationships, which if the standard distribution is approximately accurate, that leave only 4-5 single attractive women per 100 that you meet.

 

Now be honest - right now in your life - how many women do you know well enough to know if they're single or in a relationship. I doubt it's even close to 100. So even if you know 20 women that well (which in itself is a stretch for many people) - that would leave on average 1 single, attractive woman that you would know of - which makes it seem exceedingly rare, whereas in reality it's about what one should expect.

[somedude81]

If only the women that were attractive and single would somehow convey to the world that they were looking to date.

 

Though odds are, those women have a long line of men waiting for a turn.

[fortyninethousand322]

By the way, I don't think you see very many attractive single men either. Most are either in a relationship, single by choice or have something casual going on with someone or multiple someones...

[MissBee]

It seems like very attractive woman either always 1) has a boyfriend already, or 2) is "dating", "hanging out with", or "talking with" several guys until she decides one of them is fit enough to be her boyfriend.

 

Are there any really single attractive women out there ? It seriously makes it hard for a guy because when you ask a girl out you are competing with other guys hitting on her but also guys she's already seeing, and if you don't deliver she can always fall back on somebody else. But its not easy to see multiple women at once if you don't have your own place, short on cash, etc. Its not fair.

 

Well if you don't have any money or your own place, then seeing "many women" shouldn't be your priority. Why would a woman whom you've described as having loads of male attention to pick and choose from choose someone with no money and no place?

 

In any case: it's false that there are no attractive single women. Also, single means you are not in a committed, exclusive relationship. It doesn't mean you have no prospects. Some attractive women aren't seriously talking to or hanging out with anyone and some may have men they hang out with but are not serious about so there is no "competition" when a man they truly want comes along.

[GravityMan]

In most parts of the world, the vast majority of ALL people that are 25 years old or older are not single and in some sort of relationship. At least three-quarters of them. Attractive, unattractive, average Joes, shy people, cosplayers, gentle spirits, a-holes, yuppies, clowns, you name it.

 

However, there are billions of adults roaming this terrestrial rock. So even though single adults are in the minority, there's still a hell of a lot of them. Including plenty of those that many would consider to be highly attractive (physically) and with a good personality, a bright mind and a good head on their shoulders. (There is more to attraction than just looks...)

 

I will say this though - it is very likely that they strongly prefer someone who has his or her own act together.

[2.50 a gallon]

Whenever I met an attractive woman, I always assumed that she had a man in her life. If she did not have a ring on her finger, she was fair game.

[AmberWalander]

False. Not all attractive women are that way. Some have standards. You might just be looking at the wrong ones.