Author AutumnMoon Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 The thought of ending our friendship kills me and I would never be able to do that.
Sub Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 The thought of him here every day had me in a panic. I'm going to be crushed when he goes home. You're all over the map. IMO, he can't expect his marriage to get better until he stops having an A. Maybe that's the "real" change that needs to be made.
veritas lux mea Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 The thought of ending our friendship kills me and I would never be able to do that. Then you are choosing a life of misery. You better get a whole lot better at compartmentalizing or you may have a nervous breakdown! I think you need to stop thinking about it and accept this is your life. After all you are the only one that can change it and you don't want to. Why not have a little fun while he is there? Are your kids home all the time? Seems to me that holding back from your boyfriend is driving you more crazy than actually cheating. You have no plan to end the affair so I really don't get the break thing. Breaks change nothing unless the person actually wants the change.
underwater2010 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I won't have to lie if I deny we had sex in the house because we haven't. Please correct me if I am wrong...I will double check. But in your previous post you have had sex before you BH showed up...in the house. Right?
Author AutumnMoon Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 You're all over the map. IMO, he can't expect his marriage to get better until he stops having an A. Maybe that's the "real" change that needs to be made. I don't think I'm all over the map.. The whole reason I was panicking about him being here everyday is because I knew my feelings would get deeper, and that it would hard when he left.. The two go hand in hand.
Author AutumnMoon Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Please correct me if I am wrong...I will double check. But in your previous post you have had sex before you BH showed up...in the house. Right? No not in the house, I know which situation you are referring too. I work from home and we have a shop/studio space, and my office. It's in our yard. We have had sex in my home one time though, at the very beginning so I know I'm not above crossing that line. We haven't done anything more than a hug this week.. If that even matters. I did specifically mean.. While he's been staying here I won't have to deny we have done anything because we haven't.
Sub Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I don't think I'm all over the map.. The whole reason I was panicking about him being here everyday is because I knew my feelings would get deeper, and that it would hard when he left.. The two go hand in hand. Understood. But there's a disconnect here. Wouldn't there be some sort of relief when he's gone? So you wouldn't have to fight all of these feelings? You said you didn't want him in your home. No matter what the reason you gave for feeling that way, I would assume his leaving would make things easier on you.
Author AutumnMoon Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Understood. But there's a disconnect here. Wouldn't there be some sort of relief when he's gone? So you wouldn't have to fight all of these feelings? You said you didn't want him in your home. No matter what the reason you gave for feeling that way, I would assume his leaving would make things easier on you. Yes you are very right. I've actually used the word relief when talking to him about it before.. Like one time they went on vacation and it absolutely kills me to see him go.. But it really did feel like a weight off my shoulders during those days that I didn't have to wait and wonder when we were going to talk or see each other. I didn't have to worry about hiding my feelings. I guess What I hate the most is feeling like I miss him I feel like I miss him all the time .. Like he should be with me all the time we should be together I hate that feeling. And I'm definitely in denial in day-to-day life because I know what my life is I know what it's going to continue to be when I'm logical about it I know we are not going to end up together. But I still miss him like it's a part of me that's gone. I wish we had met years before. It does no good to wish I want those things but I can't stop my mind from doing it
Author AutumnMoon Posted February 18, 2014 Author Posted February 18, 2014 Out of sight out of mind with him not living here it should be easier to keep my emotions in check.. Like I have been doing all along.. But I guess all along I've also been telling myself that if he was here every day I relationship wouldn't be the same.. We would get sick of each other I thought.. But it's not like that. I definitely fell more in love with him
violet1 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 I'm going to tell you right now, you aren't as good as you think you are. Non verbal cues cannot be controlled Yes, I so agree! I've tried telling so many people nonverbal communication never lies. 1
Sub Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 But I guess all along I've also been telling myself that if he was here every day I relationship wouldn't be the same.. We would get sick of each other I thought.. But it's not like that. I definitely fell more in love with him I don't think a week of him staying in your basement can really give you an idea of what an every day relationship would be like with him. That takes a lot of time. This is still just part of the fantasy, IMO. 1
underwater2010 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 My mom comes to visit for a week and everything is great....two weeks or more and we get under each other's skin....Just something to think about. This was like a mini vacation. Start washing his and your husband poop streaked undies and the shine will where off eventually.
underwater2010 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 No not in the house, I know which situation you are referring too. I work from home and we have a shop/studio space, and my office. It's in our yard. We have had sex in my home one time though, at the very beginning so I know I'm not above crossing that line. We haven't done anything more than a hug this week.. If that even matters. I did specifically mean.. While he's been staying here I won't have to deny we have done anything because we haven't. When and if your husband asks if you had sex in the house...he is not going to mean just while your AP was staying for the week. Get your head out of your butt and quit playing the word game. 2
Fluttershy Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Out of sight out of mind with him not living here it should be easier to keep my emotions in check.. Like I have been doing all along.. But I guess all along I've also been telling myself that if he was here every day I relationship wouldn't be the same.. We would get sick of each other I thought.. But it's not like that. I definitely fell more in love with him Because you keep lying to your self or at least minimizing. Your feeligs are progressing... And realy fast if you have fallen more in love over te last few days!!!!!!!
2sunny Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 How the heck would you expect him to get reconnected with his wife - when he's on a little mini vacation with his OW? He's still lying - because he doesn't look like he's working on his M, right? HE isn't participating in a way that he COULD make it BETTER. He isn't rushing to see a MC! When nothing changes = nothing changes. He appears to be great at avoiding. 1
Survivor12 Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 You need to stop lying to your BH. and herself. 1
harrybrown Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I am confused. Is it possible that your AP has said that he loves you? I thought that you said he did. What are you waiting for? He loves you. What else matters? He may be on a different plan than you are in this relationship. He may get fed up with his wife and tell her about the A. Or the AP's wife may look at his phone bill and texts to you. She may wake up and hire a PI. Somehow I get the impression that the AP may decide to tell your H the next time that they go drinking together. This will free him to be with you all the time. You will be free of your H! You will have the AP and so what if the town finds out about the affair. Your AP may get tired of waiting and I think he may have planned to be close to you, while your H was gone. Your children will be happy that they have the AP around because he is a fun guy. Your children did not notice anything when you and the AP hugged. They will not say anything to their Dad. Free yourself. Do not tell your H anything. Just get your kids and run off with the AP. He is getting close to a divorce. You deserve to be happy. Time is wasting. The AP may divorce and go off with someone else. You have spent a long time waiting for happiness. You and the AP are soul mates. His wife does not treat him right. Your AP is not happy and you should make him happy. Do not wait any longer. Your time is now. Run to him tonight. Forget about your crazy H. Be free and happy. 1
Trimmer Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 But I guess all along I've also been telling myself that if he was here every day I relationship wouldn't be the same.. We would get sick of each other I thought.. But it's not like that. I definitely fell more in love with him ...because the forbidden, secret aspect of it continues to artificially fuel the passion. There's no way that will change as long as it's hidden, forbidden, and it's all about fate conspiring against the two of you. But realize that's fantasy passion, not "love". He may be on a different plan than you are in this relationship. He may get fed up with his wife and tell her about the A. Or the AP's wife may look at his phone bill and texts to you. She may wake up and hire a PI. Somehow I get the impression that the AP may decide to tell your H the next time that they go drinking together. This will free him to be with you all the time. For as sarcastic as the rest of this post was, there is an important point here. Autumn, I believe you've asserted that you're a good actress and you will never let anything slip to your husband, etc, right? But it's important to note that keeping this affair hidden and maintaining your status quo depends on more than just you. It also depends on your affair partner keeping a perfect record of hiding it, and not letting anything slip, ever. And even if he's pretty good at that, it still also depends on his wife never suspecting anything, and possibly snooping around and discovering something. Just realize that the maintenance of your status quo is more outside of your control than you may think.
txgrl Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 (edited) I've so far not seen affair fog as thick as yours seen to be . What is crystal clear to everyone here, you are unable to see . I have a feeling you have a pretty good, comfortable marriage and your risking EVERYTHING for an OM who couldn't even find a place to crash while he figured out his situation . How could he put you in such an awkward and vulnerable position? PLease wake up! Edited February 19, 2014 by txgrl
spice4life Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 I haven't posted in a while, but had to chime in on this one. I don't believe for one second that you didn't know. Get a grip and quit playing the innocent victim and start being honest for once in your life. You're not fooling anyone. You probably orchestrated the whole thing behind the scene by manipulating both of these men. OM is not innocent, but is probably clueless to what you are truly doing.
Author AutumnMoon Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 I haven't posted in a while, but had to chime in on this one. I don't believe for one second that you didn't know. Get a grip and quit playing the innocent victim and start being honest for once in your life. You're not fooling anyone. You probably orchestrated the whole thing behind the scene by manipulating both of these men. OM is not innocent, but is probably clueless to what you are truly doing. How on earth would I have set up this situation?? My husband is the kind of guy who would let someone crash overnight on our couch but until this whole thing was suggested I never thought it would ever be his idea to have a man move in while he's away. I still believe the only reason he did is because he doesn't believe I would ever cheat with this specific guy.
woinlove Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 How on earth would I have set up this situation?? My husband is the kind of guy who would let someone crash overnight on our couch but until this whole thing was suggested I never thought it would ever be his idea to have a man move in while he's away. I still believe the only reason he did is because he doesn't believe I would ever cheat with this specific guy. I don't think you set up this situation, but I wonder how you feel about MM first clearing this plan with his wife and with your husband and you only finding out after all three of them were on board with him moving in with you? I'd be furious if anyone manipulated my own home life, with my children, in that way. Are you used to MM treating you this way or is this out of character for how he usually treats you? The fact that he would do this, relying on the generosity of your husband, suggests he maybe does act this way more generally. 1
woinlove Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 Also, Autumn, as far as not thinking your H would have MM there while you are gone -- remember, you do not know what MM told your H. Your H was given the impression that MM was opening up to him, about his marriage and problems and that MM didn't feel comfortable talking to you which is why your H thought MM approached him and not you about this. MM had already talked to his W about this and the idea was raised that MM staying with you would be a bigger help to MM and his BW's marriage. Whatever was said by MM clearly left your H thinking this was a good idea.
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