OpheliaSong Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 The general consensus is that if you are an attractive young person, you should want marriage. I just don't see the point unless you want to have kids which I don't. Why is it so important for people to try to convince others that they must want something they don't want? Marriage seems to be limiting yourself in many ways. I know there are many who enjoy it, but why must they try to convince others it is what they should want? I am confused about motivation.
Author OpheliaSong Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Is it because people think young people are ignorant and need to be told what to do? Does anyone see this in their own lives of people acting like they don't really know what they want?
Els Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Who is trying to convince you? That might help you guess at the motivation.
Author OpheliaSong Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) Thanks Elswyth for asking. Mostly older men in my firm...they keep saying things like....you have to plan for a future where you can get married and have kids or when you get married you will want to do this or that. One even told me it will be harder for you to build your career in this field which is male dominated once you have a husband and kids. They mean well, but when I say, what if I don't want to marry or have kids, they are like, you are so young now, but you will in the future. Women always want kids and it kills their career....which isn't true since their boss is a woman who has kids. Edited February 11, 2014 by OpheliaSong
BikerAccnt Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 What kind of firm is this? I would never speak to a woman I work with like that. Telling her what I think of her lifestyle choices. It's a very good way to get slapped with an unfriendly work atmosphere suit. Marriage isn't for everyone. I tried it once, I know
Els Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Thanks Elswyth for asking. Mostly older men in my firm I'm thinking some of them might have ulterior motives. Are they single?
Author OpheliaSong Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Why don't you want to get married? I just think it is limiting on what you can do, where you can go, who you can be with. Being with one man who wants to control me doesn't really appeal to me. A man who nags me for sex all the time is one of the reasons...I don't want sex to feel like a duty. Do you want an LTR? Maybe one day if I meet the right fellow. I don't know yet. I know it's generalising but most people in LTRs eventually want to get married. It is becoming less and less common but you are correct in that some countries that is true. I am not most people though and I hate conformity. I answered your questions in the text part. Hard to bold on my phone. Marriage is great for those who are traditional, but I am finding I am not. I want to experience much more than just the marriage, two kids and a white picket fence. I already have the dog.
Author OpheliaSong Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 What kind of firm is this? I would never speak to a woman I work with like that. Telling her what I think of her lifestyle choices. It's a very good way to get slapped with an unfriendly work atmosphere suit. Marriage isn't for everyone. I tried it once, I know Finance. They do it under the guise of father figures. I know, I let them know it isn't professional to talk a bout my personal life but they get in jabs where they can under the umbrella of being concerned about me because I am getting ready to go into a very lucrative position in the company where millions will be managed by me. I am more than up to this challenge as I have been doing their jobs for them for the past two years.
Author OpheliaSong Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 I'm thinking some of them might have ulterior motives. Are they single? No, they are all married and have mistresses....they have never hit on me as I wouldn't tolerate that. They think they can speak to me like that because I am young and they act like they are concerned for my we'll being. They would all sleep with me in a heartbeat if I wanted though...I guess marriage isn't that great after all. 1
Emilia Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Finance. They do it under the guise of father figures. I know, I let them know it isn't professional to talk a bout my personal life but they get in jabs where they can under the umbrella of being concerned about me because I am getting ready to go into a very lucrative position in the company where millions will be managed by me. I am more than up to this challenge as I have been doing their jobs for them for the past two years. Oh that old chestnut, trying to keep you in your place, woman! 2
Els Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 No, they are all married and have mistresses.... Wait what!? Well, they're providing fine examples of marriage, aren't they... In all seriousness, you should do whatever you feel is right for you, and anyone who tries to tell you what to do with your own life can sod off. Just make sure that your reasons are your own - doing something just to rebel against the system is as harmful as doing something just to fit in with it. 1
twosadthings Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Ophelia, I'm not suggesting you need to find your Hamlet, but I do know that with a hardened heart it will be harder to avoid a tradgedy when and if you do. I'm not your father but I'll tell you what I told my daughter long ago. Women are the superior gender. I believe they are as a class smarter, stronger (both physically and mentally), more ethically advanced and certainly more nurturing than men. I told her don't ever let anyone limit her but probably more important don't let her limit herself. You can have a career, a family, a lifelong love and an interesting and satisfying life if you let yourself be open for one. I have posted on your last thread that perhaps gave an inkling of the path you were heading down. At twenty three, if I remember your age correctly, there is plenty of time for course correction and self analysis done honestly. Good luck, Twosadthings 2
Author OpheliaSong Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) Ophelia, I'm not suggesting you need to find your Hamlet, but I do know that with a hardened heart it will be harder to avoid a tradgedy when and if you do. I'm not your father but I'll tell you what I told my daughter long ago. Women are the superior gender. I believe they are as a class smarter, stronger (both physically and mentally), more ethically advanced and certainly more nurturing than men. I told her don't ever let anyone limit her but probably more important don't let her limit herself. You can have a career, a family, a lifelong love and an interesting and satisfying life if you let yourself be open for one. I have posted on your last thread that perhaps gave an inkling of the path you were heading down. At twenty three, if I remember your age correctly, there is plenty of time for course correction and self analysis done honestly. Good luck, Twosadthings Thank you for being so sweet. I am very open hearted and loving. If you knew me in real life you would know that I am loving and giving and have the utmost respect for people who are traditional. I just am not sure that is what I want because I don't see that as being my path. See, you think I need course correction because my course doesn't seem like your course, but I feel like I am just as bright and emotional as any other young woman out there so I think my own individual course can be what I want it to be, not what people expect. I am not rebelling against a system or lashing out because my fiancé died. I have had years of intensive therapy and am doing things now because I have let go of conformist attitudes about what I am supposed to want and am now embracing what I do want. Marriage and kids are great for others, but i think for me I am finding they don't interest me. I thought I wanted that, but I think I am finding that I did because that is what people were telling me I should want. However, thank you for your concern. You seem really nice. Your daughter is lucky to have you in her life. P.s. The Hamlet reference was fun. Edited February 11, 2014 by OpheliaSong
Grumpybutfun Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Men in your workplace should not be commenting on your personal life regardless of what guise they do it under. Record each instance, see if you can find witnesses if it continues, and let them know without fail that it isn't professional. Secondly, my wife didn't want marriage or kids either when I met her...just sayin'. Life has a way of giving you things you love without knowing you would love them. It is just awe inspiring like that. Grumps 1
peruano99 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 The general consensus is that if you are an attractive young person, you should want marriage. I just don't see the point unless you want to have kids which I don't. Why is it so important for people to try to convince others that they must want something they don't want? Marriage seems to be limiting yourself in many ways. I know there are many who enjoy it, but why must they try to convince others it is what they should want? I am confused about motivation. I feel the same way, mainly because I don't feel like I should do something because " everyone does it." I feel that if two people love each other, it doesn't matter if they are married or not. 1
peruano99 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Ophelia, I'm not suggesting you need to find your Hamlet, but I do know that with a hardened heart it will be harder to avoid a tradgedy when and if you do. I'm not your father but I'll tell you what I told my daughter long ago. Women are the superior gender. I believe they are as a class smarter, stronger (both physically and mentally), more ethically advanced and certainly more nurturing than men. I told her don't ever let anyone limit her but probably more important don't let her limit herself. You can have a career, a family, a lifelong love and an interesting and satisfying life if you let yourself be open for one. I have posted on your last thread that perhaps gave an inkling of the path you were heading down. At twenty three, if I remember your age correctly, there is plenty of time for course correction and self analysis done honestly. Good luck, Twosadthings Well that doesn't sound sexist at all... Women and men can be responsible, great, hard working, etc.
hotpotato Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 If you dont want to get married, you dont have to, although most people get married at least once. I can relate, as much of my motivation for wanting to get married was to have kids. Well, I'm getting older, and I may not be able to bear children anyway. I feel my life with hobbies, relaxation, and having new experiences. I also get people telling me how I need to date, need to get married because I'll get too old. Yadda yadda. I've had guys in relationships who were trying to get in my pants attempt to explain the importance of having romantic relationships. 1
hotpotato Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I answered your questions in the text part. Hard to bold on my phone. Marriage is great for those who are traditional, but I am finding I am not. I want to experience much more than just the marriage, two kids and a white picket fence. I already have the dog. You can have a non traditional marriage. I know people who do.
DorkBreakfast Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Nobody says you have to get married. Don't if you don't want to. It works for a few people and doesn't work for the rest. I wouldn't even acknowledge the comments made to you about why you aren't married/want to get married/have kids etc. Who cares what other people's motivations are. Just worry about your motivations.
Author OpheliaSong Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Men in your workplace should not be commenting on your personal life regardless of what guise they do it under. Record each instance, see if you can find witnesses if it continues, and let them know without fail that it isn't professional. Secondly, my wife didn't want marriage or kids either when I met her...just sayin'. Life has a way of giving you things you love without knowing you would love them. It is just awe inspiring like that. Grumps I did let them know it is unacceptable after it started getting ridiculous. Of course she married you...you are awesome. You are my make believe boyfriend. As you have seen from this site though, not many Grumps out there. Mostly guys who either yell life is no fair because things don't get handed to me easily, or guys who want a relationship and occasional sex so bad they will settle for anyone, or guys who think their sex lives are dried up because they don't get sex every single day. My ex was perfect on paper but became controlling and mean in the end after we had dated for an entire year exclusively. The grumps of the world are few and far between. I may never find one, and I am not willing to marry some guy just because it is expected of me. Best to not marry at all.
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