Scarecrow24 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 As weird as the title may seem, that's how it is at the moment, she hasn't 'officially' broke up with me. I am nearly 25 and she is 22, been together for 5 years and are meant to be engaged. It started (for me at least) about two weeks ago when I told her I was heading back to the gym to start to sort myself out and get my life back on track, as I am currently without work and lacking in a little confidence. She replied and said something like "that's great, maybe we should take a break to get you kickstarted!". I thought that is not such a bad idea, but then I realised we go without seeing each other 2-3 weeks at a time, which is due to living arrangements. I immediately thought something was wrong. That night I then went onto Facebook to find she had blocked me. I very rarely use it anyway, but I had another account which was deactivated. I then loaded that up to find her being very friendly with a guy on there, harmless flirting. I confronted her as to why she had blocked me, she denied it. After days of talking she was hinting that she wasn't happy via txt and phone calls saying she's confused at the moment and just wants to be alone. At the same time her and this guy got even more friendly, I confronted her again and she said that he is "just a friend" helping her through whatever it is she is going through. Days and days passed with the same old stuff... "I love you, but I can't do this anymore, I feel drained". I went down there a few days later to get my stuff (I had no intention, just wanted to talk face to face). We talked, hugged, kissed and that led to sex, she said that we should go back to dating. I thought that was a great idea, to kick start everything, she did not want me to stay though and was pretty adamant that I go home. I went home feeling pretty content with what had happened. Although a couple of days later she went back to saying the same things that she was saying before my visit. So, I said yet again I would come down and get my stuff. I couldn't in the end due to a traffic jam. I started to get the impression were actually breaking up, but slowly. The following day I went back onto Facebook, only to see that she was gone off my other account now as well, I asked her and she said she had deleted it to stop me being paranoid about that other guy. I mention it to my friend and he finds her on Facebook very easily. It turns out there comments flying back and forth between her and this guy which are hinting that they are a couple, statuses about each other etc. I then phone her and confront her but yet somehow tried to be mean to me instead! She pretty much went blank! It was like getting blood out of a stone. Eventually she admitted to meeting the guy and that she liked him, and she's confused because she's never once thought about anyone else but me while in our relationship. She put the phone down on me after telling her that I dont know where I stand and that it is unfair on me, I had barely slept all week. She updated her status straight away to "And there it is FFS!!" Over the past weekend she is pretty much just admitting to slightly more stuff slowly, it seems that they have met more than once and she plans to meet him again. I've seen his Facebook and he is referring to her as "his girl". So I got into that mode of txting to her all the time that I will fight for her etc.. As emotions run wild. I then took a minute to research further on the internet to find out about the Grass is Greener syndrome and it seems to fit the criteria perfectly. Some of the other peoples stories are uncanny to mine. I then realised I had done it to her myself (when I was 22) but mine was with more of the intention of being alone, I was taking drugs at the time and partying alot. It was a 2 month break-up and we got back together. When we got back together I was jobless, wheras I had been employed through our entire relationship before hand, it had then flipped the total other way and she was the only one working. Two years has now passed by, we were/are in a pretty bad rut. Our lives are pretty much movies, junk food, restaurants etc. I still have not found work, although I have been trying. We argue just as much as much as any other couple but we make up pretty quickly. There has never been any abuse apart from verbal arguing. I have never felt insecure with her until now, unfortunately she's always chased me and now regret it. I dont think I appreciated her enough as I could have, I always told her that I loved her but that's not enough alone. I feel like have let her down somehow big time and she maybe confused as to where the relationship was going, due to my lack of effort. Lastly, last night. After I done some research into this Grass is Greener syndrome I decided to take a moderately thoughtful approach and tell her that I would respect her wishes of what she is going through. I will give her the time and space to get on with whatever she has do. I said that I love her and that I am there for her, if she needs me. Now did I do the right thing? I decided to go No contact as well. I had a reply this morning from her saying thank you, and that she's just really confused right now and that she doesn't deserve for me to be so nice to her. Since then she has already contacted me just saying "I hope you're okay xxx". I guess what I am asking and need advice on is where do I go from here? Sorry if this is unreadable! There's probably so much more information I have missed out also.
mtnbiker3000 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Limbo is unaccaeptable. Walk away. ^^^ Agreed. Anything you say now will just make you extremely weak in her eyes and ruin any chance of this working itself out. 100% NC is your only option...
OhThatGirl Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Lastly, last night. After I done some research into this Grass is Greener syndrome I decided to take a moderately thoughtful approach and tell her that I would respect her wishes of what she is going through. I will give her the time and space to get on with whatever she has do. I said that I love her and that I am there for her, if she needs me. Now did I do the right thing? No. You didn't do the right thing. The right thing would be "It's really unfortunate you didn't have more respect for me. I've had enough. Take care." going complete no contact, and starting to heal. This girl has kept you strung along while she has lined up someone else (who by the sounds of it feels they're in a relationship) all while telling you she's confused. Absolutely not. No way. You must know this is completely unacceptable and that you deserve so much more, right? She has essentially been carrying on another relationship and lying to you (I can't believe that Facebook drama.. She blocked you to so you'd stop making such a big deal about the guy she was flirting with??? What?!?!) It's time you drew a line, acknowledged this is not how a person treats someone they love and respect, and move on without her. And.. IF she tries to contact you do yourself a favor and DO NOT RESPOND. Every time you want to contact her remember how she has zero respect for you and has slept with you and turned around to immediately say she is confused. Please do yourself a favor. Let her make her mistakes all by herself. You don't need to go down with that ship. Rather spend the time improving yourself. Less movies. Less junk food. More self improvement. You will be a better person for it meanwhile avoiding the habits/triggers of this past relationship. Win win.
Author Scarecrow24 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Thanks for your responses. It has been a living nightmare for the passed couple of weeks. I guess the hardest thing is coming to terms with what she has done. It is out of character (so I thought) and it almost feels like I have been living a lie for 5 years and that someone has died. Its crazy, yesterday I was feeling 'ok' but today I feel terrible. I feel in some ways I should contact her again and end it myself. I do not want anything to turn nasty and have a last impression of me being an absolute *******. Although, I feel like I have a right to be that way.
Zahara Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) No, you didn't do the right thing. You acted like a doormat. Basically telling her to go phukk around and I'll be here waiting for you when and if you decide to pick me. All because you did some research on a "syndrome". If she has a debilitating illness and needs space to be by herself, by all means, support her. She wants to go out with other men syndrome and you tell her you will be there to support her if she needs you? If I haven't heard the weakest shytt on this forum, this surely takes the cake. Instead of researching this "syndrome", focus on bettering your self-esteem and finding your self-respect. The problem isn't her, it's your inability to stand up for yourself. Your problem is you're too concerned about what she thinks of you, even if she's treating you like shytt you'll sit quiet and take it. SMH. Edited February 11, 2014 by Zahara 1
OhThatGirl Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Thanks for your responses. It has been a living nightmare for the passed couple of weeks. I guess the hardest thing is coming to terms with what she has done. It is out of character (so I thought) and it almost feels like I have been living a lie for 5 years and that someone has died. Its crazy, yesterday I was feeling 'ok' but today I feel terrible. I feel in some ways I should contact her again and end it myself. I do not want anything to turn nasty and have a last impression of me being an absolute *******. Although, I feel like I have a right to be that way. It will be a rollercoaster. But you need to come to terms with just how demeaning and disrespectful her behavior was. You don't want to leave her with the impression you're an a**hole? Umm how about leaving her with the impression you find the things she's done to be awful and completely beneath what you deserve? Who cares if she thinks that makes you an a**hole? It's still a lot better that being a doormat with no self esteem! Either way you're not going to do anything that will make her see the error of her ways and come running back. You might as well take a stance against what she has done and cut her off, 100%. Starting now. There needs to be nothing else said. You should have been posting on LS sooner. We would have been happy to tell you to keep your manhood intact and kick her to the curb. Now that it's too late for this option, at least don't make the same mistakes again. You can regain some confidence and self esteem but only if you make a clean break and quit caring about how she feels. You have to start looking out for yourself and how you feel. Do NOT let her come back after this, regardless of what happens of what she says. It will be a huge mistake. Unless it's 5+ years down the road and she has entirely changed as a person, it's going to continue to play out like this.
Author Scarecrow24 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) Well its officially over now. Keep going at the gym and stuff now . She is still contacting me though, quite confusing. Thanks for all your help on here. And yes I wish I did come here sooner. I will certainly be sticking around, great community. Edited February 13, 2014 by Scarecrow24
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