Orangecrush55 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Where to begin.... Me and this girl dated for three years and broke up at the start of January. Through out our 3 year relationship we have split a few times but for no longer than 2-3 weeks. We have been broken up about a month now and I have been NC for about the past 2 weeks or so. She finally texted me today. At first it was asking about when she could get some of the very last few things that were left behind at my place. I didnt answer. She then texted again ask when and that she really needed to see me and wanted to hug me and apologize. Still I never answered. She texted a few more times along with a dozen unanswered phone calls. Our 3 year anniversary would have been on Jan.14. Reason I mention that is because she also said she wanted to hear my voice and that our 3 year anniversary without me was killing her. Now. When we split she ignored me. Blew me off. One night I did call to get some of my important things back (Jewelry that means a lot to me and that I have had for awhile) I heard a mans voice and she did admit that she was with someone. Anyways in the voice mail she left me today she said she was sorry and that i never deserved to be blown off like I was. She also said "and im not just calling you because it didnt work out with the other guy. It didnt work out because I didnt want to and I couldnt stop thinking about you." I still have yet to answer anything and honestly dont know what to say if I did. I cannot believe she left me and even attempted to see someone else. Any words of wisdom would be awesome but I also just wanted to write all of this down somewhere.
Kopite Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 You're doing superbly well pal. Well done. Keep doing what you are doing and don't let her stop you from NC. The moment you speak to her is the moment she will ignore you again. Only initiate contact if she has done everything in her power to see you in person and says she wants you back. 1
Author Orangecrush55 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Thanks a lot for the reply. Its amazing how true it is that NC is for you to get your power back. I had my bad days sure. Some days I couldnt function. But I will admit how much better I now feel being able to be the one deciding if we talk or not. 1
OhThatGirl Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Thanks a lot for the reply. Its amazing how true it is that NC is for you to get your power back. I had my bad days sure. Some days I couldnt function. But I will admit how much better I now feel being able to be the one deciding if we talk or not. I wish we could pin this statement. It's priceless. It perfectly captures everything NC is about. Healing, even through those tough times, gaining control and power, and giving yourself the ability to make decisions when otherwise you would have none. That being said, I'm with Kopite. You're doing an amazing job. Stay NC. My concern is that she left, started seeing someone very quickly, couldn't make it work with him (even if it WAS because she hadn't moved on from you) and has now come back to fish around and see where you're at emotionally. How was the relationship before it ended? I'm afraid she left you and found something she thought was "better" and then when she began to see it wasn't, started thinking of you again. But what happens if she declares what a mistake it was, gets back in your life, and realizes why she left in the first place? What if she's always seeing what she doesn't have as being "better"? Why did she leave in the first place? If it was a generally healthy relationship and ended due to issues that can be worked on, it may be worth a second chance IF she really fights for it. If it was something as simple as "I'm not in love with you, I need to work on/find myself, you deserve better, I'm not feeling it" I'd give serious hesitation. All in all it sounds like you've done some good work in healing and I'd seriously weigh the risk of being dumped all over again against continuing to move on and finding someone else... Good luck.
rec88 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Way to go! You're light years ahead of so many people in your position. The girl is unstable. When you go to lean on her, she steps away. Whether you choose to speak with her is on you, but DON'T get back into a relationship with her any time soon. She has shown her cards and the damage has been done. She knows she f'ed up and would like to think that her actions can be ignored and the problem will go away... Make her earn your trust and respect. Remember this: if the relationship hits another rough patch or something shiny catches her eye, she has given you no reason to believe she won't bail again. I'm very adamant about this because I went through something similar and don't want to see anyone falling into the same traps. It's a selfish mindset, and it's probably not her fault. But that doesn't excuse her actions. She needs to learn these lessons on her own before she can think about supporting someone else in a relationship. Best of luck. 1
barky2 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 IMO, she wouldn't have mentioned " it's not because it didn't work out with someone else " if in fact, she was only calling you because if that reason. Kind of trying to dismiss a point of fact, before you could say it. If it was going well you wouldn't have heard from her, and would still be getting blown off. Now it's your turn to blow her off. This will keep happening. Take control back yourself, and ignore her. Barky
StumpyNB Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Don't give in. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and DO NOT believe she didn't get together with this other guy until after you were broken up! Find someone worth your attention. For that matter, find several someones. Retake your manhood. KNOW that you are better than her, and that she doesn't deserve the energy for a returned phone call.
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