brighthotrain Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I really like this guy, and he likes me too. His best friend has been my friend for a long time, that's how we met. I lived in America and they live in England, but for 9 months we kept in contact via phone. The guy I like, has children and lost a lot of friends being an actual adult and looking after his family, so our mutual friend is his only close friend. Our friend told him I was all the things he hates in a girl, and told me the same about him. We told each other and it got heated when we confronted our friend - who said it was an accident and he didnt mean to. This was months ago, and I've since returned to England. I've not really seen my guy, and things have been weird with us. He can't seem to get over his friend doing that. I kind of just moved on, since they were still talking and I have hung out with our friend a few times, something which my guy has found it really hard to deal with. I asked him why, since they still hang out and he said it's because he's his only friend and he doesn't want to lose him but he doesnt trust him around me, he thinks he's going to try and say bad things about him to me again. I've been acting out, and been hurt that my guy has been off with me. I've only just realised maybe I've been wrong. Maybe I shouldn't be so cool with our friend, maybe I should of realised how hurt my guy was by it and done something? I don't know. Maybe this is why he seems so unsure of me now. Last week he told me how much he cared about me and wanted it to work, yet we're still no further forward. Do you think I've dealt with this the wrong way? I fear I've played it all wrong....help before I lose him?
Eivuwan Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 This is a weird situation. Why would this "friend" try to break you guys up?
todreaminblue Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I woudl assume that the friend has a vested interest in you....and it would eb hard to b friends with soem one who is on a subterfuge mission...have been in this situation and it doesnt work....a guy friend of my exes used to tell him you can do so much better, she is ugly, drop her, blah blah...meanwhile he was on me constantly.......flirting and flattering when my ex wasnt around.......doesnt work ......i think you need to discern what thsi friend is after......if it isnt obvious....deb
Chocolat Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 This was months ago, and I've since returned to England. I've not really seen my guy, and things have been weird with us. He can't seem to get over his friend doing that. I kind of just moved on, since they were still talking and I have hung out with our friend a few times, something which my guy has found it really hard to deal with. I'm lost. What is there to "break up"?
Author brighthotrain Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 I'm lost. What is there to "break up"? Thats why I wrote 'break' up in apostrophe as we're not together, but he tried to make sure we didn't end up together. It seemed the easiest way to write a short title.
Author brighthotrain Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Our friend is having a hard time in life, I thought he was worried he was going to lose us both. I dont think he likes me, but then again I dont know why else he would behave like that other than panic of losing friends. Thank you so much for taking the time to answer, I really appreciate it. I just want to make things right, and if me being normal with this guy is hurting him then I think maybe I should apologise or something. I dont know its so confusing!
Eivuwan Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I think you and your guy need to figure out how much you want to be with each other before anything.
Author brighthotrain Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 I agree We've had a few conversations, where I have offered to just be friends and he has said no. Said he really cares. Yet we don't end up seeing each other. Which says it all really. Maybe the friend thing has nothing to do with it, maybe we're just not going to happen and he's too scared to say anything.
Emilia Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I think people don't lose all their friends for being 'actual adults'. Unless they kept picking poker partners as mates or something. I'd say it's a red flag that this guy doesn't seem to be able to maintain and nurture close relationships with people. Talk is cheap.
Chocolat Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Thats why I wrote 'break' up in apostrophe as we're not together, but he tried to make sure we didn't end up together. It seemed the easiest way to write a short title. So why don't you just have a conversation with "your guy" and figure out whether you two want to be together and, if so, what role the other guy is to play? If you can come to an agreement, great. If not, well, you say you've already moved on....
Author brighthotrain Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 I agree on the friend front. He has a lot of friends to party with, but only one close friend, I have a lot of both. We have spoken and I dont get anywhere, it's driving me up the wall. This has been going on for nearly a year, although Ive only been back in the same place as him recently. The first time we spoke, he said he didnt know what he could say, other than he liked me and didnt want to be just friends. We spoke again and he said the same, and asked to see me but it never worked out due to our plans clashing. The whole things a mess. He doesnt spend time with me, but he wnats to still speak to me all the time?
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