Lego88 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I met a guy through online dating last week. He seemed very into me, asked for a second date right away, and I was into him as well. Saw him for the second time last night and we fooled around. During our goodbye, he mentioned he'd like to see me again this week and I casually asked when to which he replied he'd have to check when he's free. He kissed me goodbye and said he'd call. Today no call, no text. And of course, his dating profile shows he was active a few hours ago. Ever since we began speaking, we've texted everyday. Usually he would text me every morning. Is this the case where he got what he wanted and I maybe expected too much? I'm awfully frustrated. I haven't dated in a long time and so this is sort of hitting me pretty hard. I know it's only been a day but just the timing (after having fooled around) and the fact that he mentioned he'd call gives me a bad vibe. I can't help but feel like kicking myself for falling hard for someone I barely know.
Leigh 87 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 He's just not that into you. My boyfriend immediately stopped wanting to date other girls the moment he met me, because he was into me. Where as my ex kissed a girl a week or two after meeting me out at a club. It turns out, he wasn't that into me in a romantic sense (although we ended up as best friends). ALL men have particular women they will meet, where they will go "wow, I am really into her, I want to see her regularly, be in regular contact and I cannot even THINK about dating other women until I see where things go with HER" Most people settle in relationships for a person they are not crazy about, but who People who meet "the one" in the most romantic sense do not want to date other people after meeting "the one" 2
Author Lego88 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 He's just not that into you. ALL men have particular women they will meet, where they will go "wow, I am really into her, I want to see her regularly, be in regular contact and I cannot even THINK about dating other women until I see where things go with HER" I understand what you're saying, however, I was confused about him asking to see me again. I felt he made it very clear he wanted to see me on a regular basis but just the fact that he didn't contact me today was unnerving. I feel as if he lead me on. I understand the phrase "he's just not that into you" but going out of your way to ask me to see me, and it was twice during the night that he brought it up, is confusing. Once in the middle of the date and the other time when we were saying our goodbyes.
pickflicker Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 He's just not that into you. My boyfriend immediately stopped wanting to date other girls the moment he met me, because he was into me. Where as my ex kissed a girl a week or two after meeting me out at a club. It turns out, he wasn't that into me in a romantic sense (although we ended up as best friends). ALL men have particular women they will meet, where they will go "wow, I am really into her, I want to see her regularly, be in regular contact and I cannot even THINK about dating other women until I see where things go with HER" Most people settle in relationships for a person they are not crazy about, but who People who meet "the one" in the most romantic sense do not want to date other people after meeting "the one" This is an unrealistic expecatation of dating, and this is why so many people experience such a ridiculous level of anxiety, because they think that it needs to be committed from day one. OP, you need to be dating more than one person at a time, until there is the discussion of monogamy. That will stop you "falling so hard so fast". 5
Author Lego88 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 OP, you need to be dating more than one person at a time, until there is the discussion of monogamy. That will stop you "falling so hard so fast". Thank you, I appreciate the advice.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 This is an unrealistic expecatation of dating, and this is why so many people experience such a ridiculous level of anxiety, because they think that it needs to be committed from day one. OP, you need to be dating more than one person at a time, until there is the discussion of monogamy. That will stop you "falling so hard so fast". This. All of it. 1
TXGuy Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 It has only been a single day. Give him more time before you get mad at him. 2
Author Lego88 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) It has only been a single day. Give him more time before you get mad at him. I'm not mad at him. I'm confused because of the sequence of events. He contacts me everyday, then we fool around for the first time, and then no contact. Also, the fact that he more than once asked to see me again this week. I was just expecting things to stay normal and hear from him today. Edited February 11, 2014 by Lego88
Shosh Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Hi Lego, it sounds to me like he is dating other girls as well and he is either trying to determine which one he is most interested in, while leaving the others on the hook, or he actively wants to date a few women casually. The fact that he used to text you every morning, but does not the morning after you make out, but he is online on the dating site gives me that impression. I think it is time for you to decide whether you are willing to hang around and wait for him to pick you while he dates others or at least wants to. Or if you want a guy who while still looking at least keeps up the same interest level as before. As a rule, once I make out with a guy I want him to seem MORE interested in me instead of less. While you rationally can't be mad at him for not texting you or dating others, since you have not had the exclusivity talk yet, I think it is perfectly within your right to decide that you don't want to continue dating a guy who starts fading after the first time you kiss. It would also probably give you a feeling of empowerment if you decided to end it instead of waiting around for him. So my advice is to do one of those two options: 1) accept that you are not exclusive, go back on the site and start talking to others and setting up dates with them, if he contacts you again and you are still interested accept his invitation for another date 2) decide that you are not interested in a guy who shows less interest after you make out, go back on the dating site and find some other guy, if he gets in touch tell him you are no longer interested Good luck!
Leigh 87 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 This is an unrealistic expecatation of dating, and this is why so many people experience such a ridiculous level of anxiety, because they think that it needs to be committed from day one. OP, you need to be dating more than one person at a time, until there is the discussion of monogamy. That will stop you "falling so hard so fast". Who are you to say that she should be dating multiple men at once? Multi dating isn't the best route for everyone. It is FOR YOU. It isn't what I person my enjoy. It's not unrealistic to expect a guy to be into you from date one. Personally, I reject most men and turn down dates until I find that guy who I REALLY feel excited about. When I hold out for the men who I truly like, I don't even want to date others once I meet this guy..... Some guys actually get super happy and excited by certain women, where as they don't like other women quiet as much. There are girls that any given male will meet that will compell him NOT to want to go on dates with others. Sorry, but NOT all women have to experience days without texting, guys who want to still date other women ........ Some guys truly meet a girl that they are really into. They then lose the desire to date others.
soccerrprp Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 OP, you need to be dating more than one person at a time, until there is the discussion of monogamy. That will stop you "falling so hard so fast". This is not sound advice. Dating multiple people will not solve your falling so easy issues. You may end up falling for all of them...your problem is not needing to date multiple people. 1
Leigh 87 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 This. All of it. Good for you. My friend and I met guys who liked us too much to WANT to date other women. It's a great feeling to meet a guy that's pretty crazy about you and who doesn't want to date others. It feels great to be a clear winner. Not just "one of a few girls" a guy likes somewhat. They are not desperate or needy guys either. They just liked us too much on our first date to want to still see what is out there. My way has made me happy. I wasn't always into this. I stood more for multi dating. The OP should have a think about whether or not multi dating is for her.
Emilia Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) This is not sound advice. Dating multiple people will not solve your falling so easy issues. You may end up falling for all of them...your problem is not needing to date multiple people. Absolutely agree. Multi-dating is not the norm outside the US and people manage to find very healthy and fulfilling relationships. It's also low expectations in my opinion to put up with crappy behaviour from others just because you are in the early stages. The normal thing is to get to know the other person slowly through a circle of friends and not to fool around with others. The reason why it's so hard is because online daters date complete strangers, the odds on that not working out are very high. Edited February 11, 2014 by Emilia 2
Leigh 87 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Absolutely agree. Multi-dating is not the norm outside the US and people manage to find very healthy and fulfilling relationships. Exactly. I mean, what's the rush?? Why have to date many people at the same time?, we meet someone. . We give them a few dates to determine if we want to take things further before moving onto the next person. I find a guy I really like and have chemistry with. I go on a date with him. We continue dating if we really like one another. There IS no " wow met a person who I am really into. I'm going to date other people though" When a person is on your mind a lot.... you feel silly dating other people as you are thinking so much about that one special person.
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