Larry56 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Larry here, How's it going? I came onto these forums a long time ago because I had a bad breakup with a girl. Finally after many many months I got back into dating and it has been going really well. So just this past weekend I went out with a girl on a first date. She is extremely physically appealing, but I don't know if she knows that. Lot's of guys stare at here (and women). She actually chased me in the beginning because we met through a mutual client. She basically told my client's wife that she was really interested in me. She was extremely nervous on our first date. Regardless everything went great. We had a fun time, deep and light conversation just getting to know each other better. I didn't tell her my life story, but she told me some stuff about her that may of been taboo on a first date (ex-boyfriend) but other than that just stuff about her family yada yada (we both said we felt like really comfortable talking to each other). We went to a couple of places and we made out a lot and talked about the future a little bit (like what we wanted to do on our next date) and she really did seem totally smitten with me. Anyways, I dropped her home and she sent me a text telling me she had a lovely evening and what was I doing tomorrow etc (we said we were going to hang out on the Sunday while we were on the date). Anyways the next day I texted her late afternoon saying hey let's catch up. She gave me some excuse about hanging out with her best friend (which I sorta believe because she wasn't online during the time that she said she'd be away *Yes I know it sounds creepy* but I just noted that information to myself.) Regardless I just texted her saying I would have liked to have seen her but I wished her a happy day. Soooo....Long story short it's only been 2 days since our date and she hasn't texted me and I haven't texted her (hah yes I know what your all thinking - that I should cool my jets and I have but....) My question is, Would sending flowers to her work with a note be a bit of a turn off. She told me where she worked - it's all Kosher (she told me her whole life story - we even talked about Valentines day). Or do you think It's a bad idea even if I don't get in touch with her before that day. My feeling is that I should regardless of the feelling like I'm the one chasing her at the moment. What do you all say? Flowers Yes or No?
elmichi Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Larry here, How's it going? I came onto these forums a long time ago because I had a bad breakup with a girl. Finally after many many months I got back into dating and it has been going really well. So just this past weekend I went out with a girl on a first date. She is extremely physically appealing, but I don't know if she knows that. Lot's of guys stare at here (and women). She actually chased me in the beginning because we met through a mutual client. She basically told my client's wife that she was really interested in me. She was extremely nervous on our first date. Regardless everything went great. We had a fun time, deep and light conversation just getting to know each other better. I didn't tell her my life story, but she told me some stuff about her that may of been taboo on a first date (ex-boyfriend) but other than that just stuff about her family yada yada (we both said we felt like really comfortable talking to each other). We went to a couple of places and we made out a lot and talked about the future a little bit (like what we wanted to do on our next date) and she really did seem totally smitten with me. Anyways, I dropped her home and she sent me a text telling me she had a lovely evening and what was I doing tomorrow etc (we said we were going to hang out on the Sunday while we were on the date). Anyways the next day I texted her late afternoon saying hey let's catch up. She gave me some excuse about hanging out with her best friend (which I sorta believe because she wasn't online during the time that she said she'd be away *Yes I know it sounds creepy* but I just noted that information to myself.) Regardless I just texted her saying I would have liked to have seen her but I wished her a happy day. Soooo....Long story short it's only been 2 days since our date and she hasn't texted me and I haven't texted her (hah yes I know what your all thinking - that I should cool my jets and I have but....) My question is, Would sending flowers to her work with a note be a bit of a turn off. She told me where she worked - it's all Kosher (she told me her whole life story - we even talked about Valentines day). Or do you think It's a bad idea even if I don't get in touch with her before that day. My feeling is that I should regardless of the feelling like I'm the one chasing her at the moment. What do you all say? Flowers Yes or No? Personally, I say no to flowers. Still early in the game. Plan for dinner. That will be enough!
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Hell no!!! You need to sit down with yourself and realize you don't give women anything until they earn it. She has not. Wait for her to text you. And when she does wait a bit to answer, at least a few hours. If she doesnt then you know shes not interested. And when she does ask for a date change the time or something tell her you had previous plans. Let her know that if she wants to make plans with you that it will be on your terms. Then be super sweet to her in some moments while maintaining distance in others. Joke and flirt then take it away. Tease her and she will chase you.
Author Larry56 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 OK. So no flower's then? Kinda harsh right? I mean, I think it's a good idea to win over her friends and family. If her work-mates see she gets flowers from a guy, they might actually think I'm good enough for her. I could totally plan for dinner which I already have in mind, but if she doesn't text me during the week then I'm basically would have done nothing at all to show her I even care a little bit. But I imagine I should probably do nothing unless she messages me first...Hrmmm
HappyLove Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Flowers are great if the person getting them appreciates it. So far she's given you an excuse after she said you should hang out. Now she's not really communicating with you. I don't think she's worth the trouble. If you're dating for a few months and she's your girl THEN send the flowers. Right now I think you'd look like a sucker. 1
CarrieT Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I'm going to be a dissenter... Girls love getting flowers and if you really want to make points with her, you could send something that is smaller and not overtly implying love; i.e., not a dozen red roses. Send something fun and playful, like daisies or a very small arrangement that would include a pink rose or two and maybe a tulip. Google the "language of flowers" and pick out a few that imply what you want to say to her.
HappyLove Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I'm going to be a dissenter... Girls love getting flowers and if you really want to make points with her, you could send something that is smaller and not overtly implying love; i.e., not a dozen red roses. Send something fun and playful, like daisies or a very small arrangement that would include a pink rose or two and maybe a tulip. Google the "language of flowers" and pick out a few that imply what you want to say to her. Well if you're gonna do it then do it big. Everyone know Vday is all about the red roses. If you send some sad looking tulip or daisies on valentines day of all days it may make things worse.
CarrieT Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Well if you're gonna do it then do it big. Everyone know Vday is all about the red roses. If you send some sad looking tulip or daisies on valentines day of all days it may make things worse. Totally disagree... Those red roses implies a full-on relationship and love and the OP is no where there yet.
Author Larry56 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Well I think one red rose should be the most I send. A big bouquet might just show I'm a bit thirsty. I know there's a fine line between showing her I'm interested and showing her I'm desperate. I'm not a player and I don't want to be - yes she is my only option at the moment but I like her a lot. *sigh* haha. I would rather go out for dinner and I'm thinking I might call her up on Thursday and chat (however I know that's a bad idea, I will laugh in my head if she says she has plans for Valentines Day with her girlfriends because that's just retarded right?)
HappyLove Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Well Valentines day is Friday. I you want to ask her out you need to do it tomorrow night. Not the night before. She may just say no not to look desperate herself.
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I love flowers & it's rare indeed that you can go wrong with flowers. However, the one time you can go wrong is on Valentine's Day after only one date. If you must send flowers, pick a small mixed bouquet. DO NOT send roses of any sort. It's much too much, especially with the mark up for the holiday. If you want to hand her 1 rose, fine. It better not be red. I would ask for a date some time this weekend & show up with a card or some good chocolate (the classic heart shaped box will look like you bought it half price after the 14th) or a small stuffed animal but nothing expensive. Next month you can send flowers. They will be much better received.
Author Larry56 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 OK. I think I know what I will do. I will call her up tomorrow night and ask her out for Friday. If she says No I know my answer I guess :/ I know the guys here will tell me that logically I will fail. I really really do not want to give in and text her/call her. But...if we do get into a relationship she will most likely bring this up in the future of "Why did you not take me out or do anything for me for Valentines Day". I can't explain that she hadn't "earn't it". 1
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 If you give a girl too much too early SHE knows she doesnt deserve it. And what does that say about your comparable worth?? It tells her that your beneath her and she can do better. I understand the Vday time crunch. And your going to cut your own throat in this thing anyway regardless of any advice. So if you have to contact her then use text. And send her something cocky, funny, and flirty. Let her know your interested but put it on her too. For example Id say something like this. ME: So I sent you a smoke signal yesterday did you get it? Those things are so unreliable these days. That will break the ice without you looking like too much of a sucker. Then its up to you to get the date which should be cake. Just be fun and confident. When you do get the date dont go overly romantic. A second date of Vday already has a ton of pressure. Dinner and dancing is the ticket. Dont show up with flowers. If she acts right on the date make her an origami flower out of random paper you find. Trust me it will be clutch and mean much more to her then some rose you bought. Good luck
der Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Hell no!!! You need to sit down with yourself and realize you don't give women anything until they earn it. She has not. Wait for her to text you. And when she does wait a bit to answer, at least a few hours. If she doesnt then you know shes not interested. And when she does ask for a date change the time or something tell her you had previous plans. Let her know that if she wants to make plans with you that it will be on your terms. Then be super sweet to her in some moments while maintaining distance in others. Joke and flirt then take it away. Tease her and she will chase you. Just works with the young and immature but fails with the rest. 1
HappyLove Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 "OK. I think I know what I will do. I will call her up tomorrow night and ask her out for Friday. If she says No I know my answer I guess :/" No, it won't mean anything, that day has too much pressure already and she may feel like you should of asked a long time ago. Asking someone out 2 days in advance is sometimes considered rude and people will say no just so THEY don't seem desperate, so really it won't prove anything. If you don't take her out for Vday, well she's not your gf I doubt she'd ever bring it up in the future. As a matter of fact I'd just ask her out for the weekend and if she says yes maybe ask if she's free Friday.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Honestly when my FWB sent me flowers to my workplace when we were 'dating' it was just embarrassing. Everybody wanted to know who they were from, everyone was cooing over them and I couldn't exactly say 'um, it's not my boyfriend, just some guy I'm having sex with', I assume the same would apply for dating. If you're gonna send flowers, send them to her home. Where she can receive them alone. Not to a public place. I wouldn't bother at all, personally.
Allumere Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 2nd date...on Valentines Day. Too much pressure, restaurants too crowded!!! Ask her out for Saturday and find something cool to do so you can spend a good part of the day with her. If she is into it then a simple. small flower thing to her house on Vday would be fine.....or heck, a cute online card works. Any thought with a sincere message from you should suffice.
SunnySide0418 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I like the flowers idea but I also like the going out to dinner idea but why are you waiting to ask?? If you're interested in this girl PURSUE HER!!!!
Versacehottie Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 i love flowers and think it would be fine after one date, for valentines whatever. however, this biatch seems to be playing games with you. My advice: don't send, wait it out. Set her straight with non-action. She needs a reality check. Good luck!
SJC2008 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Some dating rules are good and not just a "game" to play so to speak. One of them is no gifts for the first three months. This rule is from an authored relatinship counselor so that should tell you something.
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 OK. I think I know what I will do. I will call her up tomorrow night and ask her out for Friday. If she says No I know my answer I guess :/ I know the guys here will tell me that logically I will fail. I really really do not want to give in and text her/call her. But...if we do get into a relationship she will most likely bring this up in the future of "Why did you not take me out or do anything for me for Valentines Day". I can't explain that she hadn't "earn't it". The earning it . . . too much pressure 'cause it's Valentine's Day . . . those are all cop outs. Romance is supposed to be enjoyable, not some Machiavellian power struggle. Nobody said go over the top & do all the grand romantic stuff you'd do two years in or if you were planning to propose but sharing food, that's just fine. A goofy gift -- nothing too meaningful or personal -- wonderful. Seriously my husband got me a heart shaped donut yesterday. I was very excited. I think your approach to talk earlier in the week & ask for the V-Day date is mature, gracious & shows insight because you're right, if you ignore her on this 1st Valentine's Day that is what you will get teased about in the future.
SJC2008 Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Valentines day is a couples thing. Why esle would it be such an awkard topic when you just meet someone this time of year? If it were so "kosher" to give flowers/extend overtures to a woman you just met right before V-day we'd never have these debates. You've had one date with her and have no idea where it's headed. Hit the brakes a little and forget about Valentines day. If you get into an R with her you can do it big next year without having to second guess anything becuae you have time invested.
Author Larry56 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!! :):) We are going out on Friday. Thanks everyone. I literally had nothing to worry about, was just overthinking everything - the reason she didn't text is because she was trying to figure out what to do for me. Although I did do something kinda mean. I texted her earlier today and told her that I had to talk to her about something later on today. Kinda left her with some anticipation. She was worried when I called her. Anyways. Have a good one. I think I will bring her one rose, red or blue on the day and something for her cat. Regards 1
Noproblem Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!! :):) We are going out on Friday. Thanks everyone. I literally had nothing to worry about, was just overthinking everything - the reason she didn't text is because she was trying to figure out what to do for me. Although I did do something kinda mean. I texted her earlier today and told her that I had to talk to her about something later on today. Kinda left her with some anticipation. She was worried when I called her. Anyways. Have a good one. I think I will bring her one rose, red or blue on the day and something for her cat. Regards Yay, I really like your attitude. She would really be happy when you bring something for her cat :) Wow, best if luck 1
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