Emilia Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I was going to make you admit that not wanting kids is selfish, but since you have already admitted it, I will go to my next question. Why do you think a serious man would want to have anything serious with a selfish woman? :laugh: 3
lollipopspot Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 The kinds of men that want nothing to do with kids are also more likely to be commitmentphobes, players, etc. So if you're looking more for casual sex, FWB, ONS etc. then not wanting kids will work in your favour. If you're looking for a deep, meaningful, long term commitment, then it will probably make it tougher. But not impossible. I'm sure there are plenty of men like that, but it really depends on a man's reason for not wanting kids. It may be avoiding commitment, or it may be being a really socially conscious man who cares about the planet and doesn't want to add to the population and environmental burden, or cares so much that he doesn't want to subject his children to the hardships of a struggling planet. I know men like this - vegans, environmentalists, socially aware men who are caring and not all about the nuclear family and procreating. I'm personally not sure that it's a gift to be born onto the planet at this moment. But everyone has their own viewpoint. I think there are complex factors in the world and in our society right now that affect people's desire to have children. Many people work hard just to survive. Money and free time have a lot to do with it. Having children is no longer the "morally righteous" thing to do for everyone. Earth's population would be unsustainable if everyone had a bunch of kids. Perhaps this is some hidden function of evolution for some people to not want kids? I have no strong desire to have my own. Some people have a very strong desire for children of their own. I also believe that loving only your own kids is kind of selfish on some level... I agree with this. It can also be a selfish and clannish thing to create a nuclear family. Sometimes people get very focused on that and to hell with the rest of the world. It's about the person and their values, not just the fact of having children or not. 2
Emilia Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Perhaps this is some hidden function of evolution for some people to not want kids? Sometimes I wonder whether it's about living in crowded cities. Whether that switches something off. People say if you live in an urban environment you have so much to do that you become 'selfish' about how you spend your time. I wonder whether it's just having more space in rural and suburban communities. Whether that calm space is more enticing to have a family while for us in a busy, hectic place there is a disincentive. 1
Iguanna Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 ...Are you serious? Wanting or not wanting kids is a personal decision and it's only selfish if one person tries to lie or manipulate their partner either way. If both partners make the decision together or are up-front about it, there is no selfishness. So the OP admits she is too selfish to have kids, so her ideal partner would be one who would not want kids as well (and following her admission he will be selfish as well), and you come to argue with ME for just accepting what the OP herself admitted? In my opinion a person who doesn't ever want to have kids is majorly selfish. We haven't come to this world only to have fun and enjoy ourselves, we have to create life and give to the society. I know most of you disagree (please do not give me the "what if someone wants to be a doctor who discovers the cure for the cancer?" argument, I've heard this a lot) but this is my opinion and nothing can change it. I accept of course the right someone has to choose not to have kids, but this doesn't mean that I don't consider this person selfish.
Emilia Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 we have to create life and give to the society. Please. We are not animals put on this planet for mindless reproduction. We have free will as homo sapiens, that's the whole idea. You are allowed to have your own mind, don't have to follow the herd. Besides, where do you draw the line if your job is to reproduce? One kid? Six? When is the duty done? 6
Els Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) So the OP admits she is too selfish to have kids, so her ideal partner would be one who would not want kids as well (and following her admission he will be selfish as well), and you come to argue with ME for just accepting what the OP herself admitted? In my opinion a person who doesn't ever want to have kids is majorly selfish. We haven't come to this world only to have fun and enjoy ourselves, we have to create life and give to the society. I know most of you disagree (please do not give me the "what if someone wants to be a doctor who discovers the cure for the cancer?" argument, I've heard this a lot) but this is my opinion and nothing can change it. I accept of course the right someone has to choose not to have kids, but this doesn't mean that I don't consider this person selfish. You are extrapolating way too much from the OP's comment. It sounded pretty tongue-in-cheek to me. One can give to society without necessarily creating life. Similarly, one can create life for selfish reasons, without ever giving to society (or even to the person whose life you created). Edited February 11, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content retained 1
Shepp Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Sometimes I wonder whether it's about living in crowded cities. Whether that switches something off. People say if you live in an urban environment you have so much to do that you become 'selfish' about how you spend your time. I wonder whether it's just having more space in rural and suburban communities. Whether that calm space is more enticing to have a family while for us in a busy, hectic place there is a disincentive. That's an intresting theory!! An evolutionary switch to strengthen small communities and not to overcrowd and put strain on larger ones? Maybe I just want a large family to fill up all the fields round here 5
Els Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) Please. We are not animals put on this planet for mindless reproduction. We have free will as homo sapiens, that's the whole idea. You are allowed to have your own mind, don't have to follow the herd. Besides, where do you draw the line if your job is to reproduce? One kid? Six? When is the duty done? Technically, a person with 30 kids would probably have 'contributed the most to society' according to the logic of the poster you quoted. Every passing year between the ages of menarche and menopause that isn't involved in pregnancy is a selfish year! Edited February 11, 2014 by Elswyth 3
StanMusial Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 It will have an effect when you meet someone you really like but they leave because they do want kids.
Shepp Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 we have to create life and give to the society I'm someone who's wanted kids in his future since he was 12 years old, I want a big family, four or five kids sounds really great to me. That said, i want that for me, not for society particularly, being a dad and raising a family's how I want to spend my life. If I was thinking about society, surely society could do with the population bing lowered? And there's no way in hell I'd of considered not having kids in order to help society with that so maybe some folk would see that as selfish? Anyway, the way I see it, the less other people who have kids the more likely my kids can get a place in the England starting 11 for the 2034 FIFA World Cup. 2
Els Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Anyway, the way I see it, the less other people who have kids the more likely my kids can get a place in the England starting 11 for the 2034 FIFA World Cup. :laugh: Good luck to your future football team, Shepp! 1
Shepp Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 :laugh: Good luck to your future football team, Shepp! Thanks!! Just watch this space! 2
oldshirt Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 How is someone who doesn't wish to have children more "selfish" than someone who has children simply because they want them??????????? 9
Chocolat Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I'm a pretty upfront person when it comes to dating, which I think everyone should be. But one considered "deal breaker" that I unfortunately carry is that I don't want kids (ever) and I've noticed this could be a potential problem. I've always been honest while dating, but this recent discovery of mine has made me realize that dating (serious dating) could be even harder now. Would this be a deal breaker for most of you? What if you really liked someone, would you let that get in the way? Would it make a difference between not being able to have kids or just not wanting them? Does it matter? If you could somehow know with certainty that it would reduce your dating pool, would you decide to have kids? No? Well, then it doesn't matter, because it's a deal-breaker for you! Yes? Well, then it doesn't matter, because, ultimately, it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for either of you.
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 It probably limits your pool, but IMO it is much less common for men to consider it a dealbreaker, than for women. So there is hope there. How old are you, OP, if you don't mind me asking? I don't believe age really matters, lol. But I am young, but not that young. Okay okay, I'm 25 Iguana: I was going to make you admit that not wanting kids is selfish, but since you have already admitted it, I will go to my next question. Why do you think a serious man would want to have anything serious with a selfish woman? Okay, I'm not selfish in the sense of being in a relationship, in that case I'm actually VERY selfless. Too selfless, which I'm hoping to change. I'm selfish in the sense that I don't want to have the responsibility to take care of kids or pay for them. I want to sleep in in the morning. I want to buy clothes only for me and have extra money for those cute suede stiletto boots! I don't like mess and kids make a lot of mess. I don't like diapers and I don't like cleaning up throw up. Even when they get older I don't like attitudes, drama, brats or worrying about them getting in trouble at school or getting in the wrong group of friends. And if I have a boy, god forbid he get a girl knocked up at 16. I could go on and on. Honestly, I see so many couples have 4+ kids that I really don't think it's necessary for me to have even one. The earth is overly populated and with TV shows like The Jersey Shore and The Vanderpumps, I definitely don't want my kids ending up like that! Plus, in the sense of my being selfish...I like my body the way it is and I don't want stretch marks, cellulite or a torn vagina. Yes, I am selfish in that way and I think in that sense, I'm perfect for NOT wanting kids. Like I said, I LOVE dogs. I want DOGS. Those will be my kiddos. 4
Leigh 87 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 So the OP admits she is too selfish to have kids, so her ideal partner would be one who would not want kids as well (and following her admission he will be selfish as well), and you come to argue with ME for just accepting what the OP herself admitted? In my opinion a person who doesn't ever want to have kids is majorly selfish. We haven't come to this world only to have fun and enjoy ourselves, we have to create life and give to the society. I know most of you disagree (please do not give me the "what if someone wants to be a doctor who discovers the cure for the cancer?" argument, I've heard this a lot) but this is my opinion and nothing can change it. I accept of course the right someone has to choose not to have kids, but this doesn't mean that I don't consider this person selfish. LOL. LMFAO. I'm doing a degree in social work. Do you have ANY idea how many children there are that don't have parents! !!!! Their parents died or gave them up for adoption or worse still, their kids were taken away from their parents due to them being drug fcked losers with no ambitions to look after I their child adequately? I think it is VERY selfless to, instead of having your own kids, adopt a child who doesn't have a loving family. Why have our own kids when there are SO many kids that need loving parents yet don't have that? Plus not everyone can afford kids; it is VERY selfish to have even 1 child if you can't afford to provide for it.
Leigh 87 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Lol, Leigh. You should ask Haydn what his job entails - then tell me the guy doesn't have it made, gorgeous daughter and all. But you're right. You shouldn't have kids. I would be a wonderful mother thanks.
Iguanna Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 So to those women who do not want kids in their life: How do you plan on spending your life? Please say things you want to do (except buying shoes and sleep in late in the morning). 1
Author BlessYourCottonSocks Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 So to those women who do not want kids in their life: How do you plan on spending your life? Please say things you want to do (except buying shoes and sleep in late in the morning). Oh gosh. What does it matter? If you want kids, go have them. I'm not gonna ask you "why do you want kids and what will you do with them?" I don't care frankly! I want to travel, meet new people, I want to focus on my career and making money, going out whenever I want to socialize and have drinks. I don't want the responsibility. Does it mean I'm not responsible. NO! It means I don't want kids. But here, go ahead and read this. I didn't write it, but it copied and pasted it just for you! Hopefully it fulfills your never ending dire need to understand my "selfish" reasons. We are Selfish. This really is the root of all other points. We didn’t go to college to get our careers for the sake of the white picket fence. We did it so that we could feel confident in our stake in this world. More importantly, we did it so that we could afford to do what we want, when we want. A child is a terrible road block in that plan. Not only does it destroy the ‘when’, it sucks away at the money that gives us the means to feed our desires. We’ve grown used to having our own time, our own schedules, and to not having to share. Having a child would require us to give up 99% of that freedom. That’s a terrible trade. We don't like were society is going Unfortunately, this is a bit of a catch 22. We don’t like that that population is getting dumber (as we see it), but we also don’t want to help it by having our own offspring. We think the people emerging in American society are lazy idiots that are ignorantly bringing about Armageddon. Knowing that we don’t want to raise a child in an environment not fit to support them, we choose to refrain. So, we’re letting the problem multiply exponentially. If you haven’t seen the movie Idiocracy, it may be in your best interest to see what the United States is undoubtedly going to look like in the future We think we are better than everyone else This is a lot like point 2, and it also seems like it should have nothing to do with the desire to have children – but it does. This is because we know that we can raise our kid better than anyone else. We can teach them at a higher level than the public school system, and we’re too selfish to pay for private schooling. So we’d feel inclined to teach them ourselves. We don’t have that kind of time. That’s not only pulling into our 1% of “me time” that would remain, but it also would force us to adjust our work situation, which pulls at our pockets and starts to destroy that financial stability we want – in order to get the things we want. So, rather than go through that ordeal and worry about idiots raising our children, we decide it’s best to avoid the problem all together. We like money Again, we work hard to play hard. We didn’t work those forty hours so that some snot-nosed brat can nag us endlessly for a new Xbox game. First of all, we want to play that new Xbox game, and we don’t want to have to share the screen time with you. Furthermore, kids have this way of constantly getting bigger – requiring frequent clothing purchases. We’ve learned to appreciate better quality materials around our bodies, but we take care of them, only having to add to our wardrobe in pieces, not fell swoops. We don’t even want to get into saving for someone else’s college, first car, and their inevitable return to our house at age twenty because society has failed them. We don't actually like children Now, some people like kids. Some intelligent, financially secure adults even like kids. But a lot of us don’t. Maybe it’s because we’re still kids ourselves. It’s hard to say, but we don’t have the patience to entertain a small child for more than twenty minutes. After that, we begin desperately searching for the parent or another child so that our new shadow finds someone else to latch onto. After all, we didn’t go to our friend’s house to hang out with a five year old and pretend like we were on a Safari. We went there to brag about the real Safari we just went on because of all our free time and money. We don't like responsibility Every single one of us puts on a good show. We wear nice clothes. We get our hair done. We go to work. But when we get back to our homes that we live in either by ourselves or with partners worthy of our presence, we don’t actually want to be responsible. Responsibility is a real drag. If we had our way, we’d live in some cabana on the beach where we laid around all day sipping mojitos and mingling with like-minded people. But we also can’t aid in society’s failure, so we take on about as much responsibility as one sanely can. After that, we sit around in our underwear and leave dishes in the sink until someone from the outside world comes over. How could we take care of a kid when we don’t take care of ourselves? We’d feel a need to increase our responsibility in order to not only take care of them, but to set a good example. We are not role models – we’re too selfish. The world is too crowded We’ve thought about the planet. We recycle. We compost. We have the financial means to buy local, organic groceries so that we can put a stop to Monsanto, and save the world one chicken cutlet at a time. But, in case you missed it, society is failing us. People are popping up everywhere. They’re polluting the skies. They’re driving demand for mass produced goods. They’re overcrowding schools to the point where quality is suffering. Why would we add to this burden? Instead, we’re hopefully looking at the Mission to Mars and wondering if there’s a chance to do it right somewhere else. After all, there are too many people here now to fix what’s already broken. That child comes out of where?! Now, obviously No. 8 doesn’t apply to men – though we hope they sympathize with our plight. We’ve seen how big newborn babies are, and we certainly don’t want to squeeze that thing out of our vagina. Not to mention the consequences of that. Will our cooch still be a happy place that welcomes private visitors, or will it be some ruin that several tourists can visit at a time? And our body… We’ve used a lot of our selfish time to maintain our figure. We don’t want to have to do that again – it’s tough – and we have less time now? No thank you. 5
MsOptimist Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I've found myself in a unique position because I never intended on having kids. I was married for 9+ years and we never wanted kids and I assumed I would continue to be childfree. And to this day I could never see myself having kids with my exH. However, after I got divorced I was strangely open to dating men with kids, maybe because I knew that my dating pool in the 30s+ would likely include single dads. I fell in love with an amazing father of 2 kids. I still don't intend on having my own kids (and he doesn't want more, so it works). Seeing what a great dad he is actually makes me fall more in love with him and it shows me a very real side of him. It's challenging and something I didn't foresee (and it scares the crap out of me), but so far this situation is what I want. One of his views on raising kids also makes me feel more comfortable with the situation - he takes them everywhere and raises them to enjoy doing stuff outdoors (something we both enjoy). He hasn't let having kids get in the way of anything he's wanted to do. After my marriage ended abruptly, nothing surprises me anymore
Emilia Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 So to those women who do not want kids in their life: How do you plan on spending your life? Please say things you want to do (except buying shoes and sleep in late in the morning). Having peace without running after other people for the rest of my life. 2
georgecostanza Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I don't want kids either. I'll be happy to take you out 2
pickflicker Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I was going to make you admit that not wanting kids is selfish, but since you have already admitted it, I will go to my next question. Why do you think a serious man would want to have anything serious with a selfish woman? :laugh: And I suppose you'll be having your kids for the benefit of mankind? Having children is the most selfish decision anyone will make. Raising them is selfless, but the decision to have them is all about the parents. 8
georgecostanza Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Always baffled me how people think not having kids is selfish. 6
Candice Luna Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 So to those women who do not want kids in their life: How do you plan on spending your life? Please say things you want to do (except buying shoes and sleep in late in the morning). 35 yo woman here. I plan on spending my free time painting, going out with my partner more often thanks to the money I'm not spending on other humans, continue volunteering to the local SPCA, etc. If you really take a good look, unfortunately the women spend much more time taking care of the kids than the husbands do. So, if males still find many things to do other than taking care of the kids, it shows that life is NOT only about kids 3
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