lolita jade Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) .....Married for 20 years, separated for 4. Husband met other woman and lived with her for 2.5 years with her small children. He doesn't like other people's children. He was always nice to me and even bought me a gift for Christmas in 2012. Since then he is not very close to his adult children, especially our son, aged 22. I contacted him to talk about concerns i have with the son and he was very dictating, saying he was working loads and didn't have time and my son is an adult and ok. He sounded very stressed indeed...... Do you think he is maybe getting grief from the new woman as moved in very soon, or he literally has changed from a doting father to one who only cares for his new woman's kids. He always sounds alarmed when i socialise, as he is always too busy by the sound of it. He hasn't wanted to date to seek a divorce from me. Thanks. I feel a little alone as wanted support with my son, regardless of his age. Edited February 10, 2014 by lolita jade error
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 One: File for divorce. Two: he may have a point about your son. I recognise concern for your child, but (I too have kids) at one point or another, you have to let them make their own choices and mistakes. You don't elaborate on this problem. maybe we could help, if you do..... Your mistake is to still be married to this guy. get papers sorted and cut the ties.
Author lolita jade Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Hi, Its not a not cutting the apron strings thing, its a him needing a bit of a kick up the **** thing. Yes most of the time sure it is his life, his choice. It is the cost that stops me filing for divorce but know I need to.
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Hi, Its not a not cutting the apron strings thing, its a him needing a bit of a kick up the **** thing. Yes most of the time sure it is his life, his choice. if you keep bailing him out, that's what he will come to expect and take for granted you'll always do. Sometimes, hard as it may be, and hurt you as it may - 'tough Love' is what is needed..... It is the cost that stops me filing for divorce but know I need to. You can prepare your own paper. Surely a good friend may be able to give you a loan.... Investigate the least expensive way of being able to do it. At least, get the ball rolling....
Author lolita jade Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 I never bail my son out of anything.......... It is more advice on why my husband is being like he is being that I was looking for. Thanks anyway Tara
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Your husband is being the typical person who has lost interest in one commitment and is focusing fully on another. It's selfish, but he's 'moved on' and doesn't give you or your children any thought. It's sad, but that's what he's done. All the more reason you need to cut him out of your life, hun....
Author lolita jade Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Thanks Tara, That is the sort of reply I need Just crazy when someone so devoted to his kids for so long can change. I know I would never for any man turn a blind eye to my children. I know I need to make a clean cut but can't help thinking that its like he is thinking he has a new life.... What about things going tits up...silly man....where will he be then??? I guess not forward thinking.............
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Thanks Tara, That is the sort of reply I need Just crazy when someone so devoted to his kids for so long can change. I know I would never for any man turn a blind eye to my children. I know I need to make a clean cut but can't help thinking that its like he is thinking he has a new life.... What about things going tits up...silly man....where will he be then??? I guess not forward thinking............. Fortunately, that is not for you to worry about. What you need to focus on is getting the kind of life you want, by steering things your way. never abdicate control of your decisions to someone who is patently not interested. you know what they say: "It's the person who cares the least, who controls the most". By abdicating his responsibility, he manipulates you into a place of weakness. Let his indifference make you stronger. Let it make you think: "Right, damn you. if that's the way you're going to behave.....! You had it coming, so brace yourself!"
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I apologise if I was out of line re: your son. I guess I was trying to help on both counts.....
Author lolita jade Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Thanks, You are right re the husband...Good view point that I will take on board very strongly. My son, I am not over doting or anything like that just a parent giving her son some much needed advice, regardless of whether he takes it. Something I will now do alone. My ex is also incredibly naive and sees things through rose coloured specs. That is what is so infuriating more than anything. He will always argue everything is perfect with my son, even when it is far from....he is only playing hard.... He is only walking home at 3 in the morning through dodgy areas from work to get exercise instead of getting a bus....(He lives alone in my husbands old house/ the family home).....etc etc
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