Bailey123 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I met a guy on okcupid, he contacted me and asked me to go have a drink with him. I was leaving the next day to visit family and I asked him if he either wanted to one wait till i get back or 2 go out that night with some of my friends for a small get together at a bar. I assumed he would want to wait but he didn’t. So he chose to come out but then fell asleep and by the time he could have come out I was already taking a friend home. He apologized and said he really wanted to come and everything. So i left to see family for about 2 weeks. while i was away we exchanged numbers on okcupid, and he would message me every day once in the morning and once at night. we would sporadically talk throughout the day and just kind of get to know one another. So he was very attentive and asked questions all the usual signs he was very interested. He asked me if i wanted to go on trip with him and a bunch of friends etc. how excited he was for me to come home and for us to meet, i was excited and nervous. So when I got back on sunday he offered to get me from the airport which I agreed, I know intense. We ended up watching the game with his friends at their place, it was fun we were all talking he was talking with me. we then went out to a bar and I met his brothers by coincidence and they seemed nice, it got late and i had to work at 6 so I of course had been drinking because I was so nervous and I slept at his house, and then of course sex happened….3 times. It was not my intention, and I dont want to regret it. So we woke up early, did the last of the 3 times. He asked if I wanted to just get ready here or to drop my stuff off, We didnt have a lot of time so I just got ready at his place. I left my bag which he said was fine. He drove me to work, as i was getting out of the car he kissed me and then asked “just let me know when you want me to get your bag to you” I said probably sooner than later and we said goodbye. I spent most of the day working and then I wanted my bag so I sent him a text “i said i hope work isnt too painful since he had to get up early and ended up just heading straight to work to sleep until he started his shift. I asked when he would be getting off work and if i could possibly get my bag. he replied he gets off at 6 and that he would drop my bag off after work. i said sounds good. he asked what time i would be home, i said i was home now. he ended up getting done later, he said he had to eat somehting, shower and then work on some guys bike. I told him not to worry and to take his time. he ended up texting me really late and asked if i was still up and that he was so worn out, he then asked what time i go to work. I told him and then waitied. I went to work the next morning, he sent me a text at the time i was at work and said he just woke up and if he could drop my bag off on his way to work. I told him i wouldnt be home till later and asked if i could just grab it from his work because he worked so close to me, he said “i can just drop it off at your work too before i go in” i said “oh sure whatever is easiest for you, “he said ok ill let you know in a few ” he then called me but i didnt have my phone on me because i was working so then he just came in dropped off my bag, my co-workers asked if he wanted them to get me, he said no he was on his way to work. He had 15 and is only like 5 blocks away. and left……So i sent him a text thanking him for my suitcase and I snuck in that I would sing a song at karoke sometime but he better be prepared for it to be bad and laughed leaving it open for him. He sent back haha ok have a good day, i will hit you up later tonight! I said ok and then i heard nothing from him for hrs, i was out with friends becasue we were celebrating my birthday and I was just stressed and had a drink so i sent him a text saying hey sorry to beat you to the gun but I am out with friends and are randomly playing trivia, so if you feel u to it you should come out and no pressure but it is my brthday I had been playful before so i was trying that again. he said “oh **** yea! happy birthday! i got carried away on my bike. ill try to make it out!” i said he should because i was just watching and knew nothing about this paticular trivia, he said he didnt either and laughed. i said perfect then we should just kick it and enjoy it all and be two peas in a pod knowing nothing about the tricia, he just laughed and said yea. We ended up leaving shortly after because we sucked at it, then I told him so just in case he showed up, he said oh no what are you gys doing now, I said just going home, he then said “oh ok well ill have to take you for a drink tomorrow night. This was our conversation the next night, on wednesday he is number 2. 2 (I just got done working :/ what are you up too ?) :/ just at home staying warm. It’s a ice cube out 2 (Yea I feel kinda sick ) that’s not good. I am sorry you are not feeling well. Yea im making tea and food trying to feel better 2 Are you just going chill at your place tonight ? I am with my sister and her friend just hanging out. I am not sure yet, they might want to do something but I don’t know. It would be cool to see you. 2 Yea It would . hit me up if you are and maybe I’ll feel good enough to hang out . Well my sister is going to hang out with her boyfriend, so I am just gonna go to the moon and get a drink I need to get out. 2 Is that walking distance from your place ? Pretty much, I just want to get out and do something. 2Yea I know what you mean . I’ll call you when I’m done eating . Okay 2 2 What’s the bar called I gave the name a where it was 2 Did you walk there ? I am already here. I got a ride from a friend. 2 My power keeps going out at my house . 2 Oh nice do you have a ride back ? 2 It’s real cold Nah I will probably walk. You should come out since your power keeps going out :/ 2 It’s back on now . Well I’m so worn out but I really don’t want you to walk in this cold It would just be nice to see you, I am not worried about the cold :/ 2 Ok I’m getting myself up off the couch . 2 Give me 20 min. Sorry for the massive information but he contacted me directly after my last post . So this was our covesation he came out , I was playing darts with my sisters friend I introduced them and then my sisters friend left and he and I sat and talked for a little while. He was a little weird while we were talking and then after sometime said he was tired and gave me a ride home. We got to my house and he said the house looked really cool and big. I asked if he wanted to see it and he said sure. We got out my sister was in front talking on the phone, I introduced them and then I showed him the house. We got to my room and with the door open jus chatted, my sister came up chatted with us and asked about her friend, the guy didn’t realize that I didn’t jus randomly start playing darts with someone he seemed relieved and less awkward after realizing I didn’t introduce him to some random guy I met in the bar. He was like oohhh that was your sisters friend, and my sisters friend is married. So he seemed a little better after that. We talked more, I asked if he wanted to stay (no judgement please . ) he said he didn’t think he would get any sleep implying we would do things and I said oh I was positive he would. He contemplated and then agreed. We watched a movie and I kept to my side of the bed, he kept cuddling up and gettin closer. We. Cuddled all night and slept, eye time I would move he would readjust so that we were always touching or holding hands. Nothing sexual happened, it was nice. Then this morning we woke up and sadly had sex it happened without even any hesitation, i mean he was hesitant because I let him lead in the sense I didn’t stop him but I didn’t initiate becUse I wanted to see what he would do. It was fine, the weird part is we didn’t kiss at all , given we probably had bad morning breath but it was weird and I feel weird about it. He was going to take a shower at my place but my sister was using it so he decided to go home to get some things done. Hugged me for a long time, I was sitting in bed, then I got up he thought I wanted another hug and hugged me but I just said I was walking him to the door. So we said goodbye, no kiss, no talk about seeing each other again. He is ging on that trip he had invited me on this weekend, I am not going, he didn’t suggest I should come at all after all the insisting that I should on Sunday and for the past two weeks. I know this is a lot of information but I don’t know what to do. I want to have him be serious about me or for us to atleast be dating and for it not to feel like a booty call. I want it to be something, I don’t know….I feel like I keep messing up. What should I do? Is it weird he didn’t kiss me? Didn’t invite me to go away again? Am I just….I don’t even know. He hasnt tried to make any contact since our last interaction and that was on thursday morning and now i just feel awful and I dont know what to do. sorry for the mass of information.
MidwestUSA Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Well, he got what he wanted - easy sex. He may or may not come back for more. You really need to learn to hold out to determine a guy's true intentions if you want a relationship. It would help your cause to go on dates where A) alcohol isn't involved and B) you don't end up back at his place or yours.
Philosoraptor Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Woah, slow down and stop stressing. First and foremost he's shown interest and you two have had fun together. Don't apologize for sleeping with the guy. If you wanted to and did... then good on you. Stop thinking! My goodness stop all the overthinking. Just continue to talk to him and understand that you both have lives and just because he may take a bit to respond at times doesn't mean he's not interested. You're not doing anything wrong outside of your negative over thinking. The less you think, and instead just enjoy your time with this guy, the less likely you will be to sabotage the budding relationship. Fill your life up with other things to keep your mind busy so you don't stress about this. Let things take their course.
Author Bailey123 Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 I figured that was the case after our last interaction I was just hoping it wasn't I have never had this kid of dating experience before and I am new to dating in general. I am now harshly understanding all the rules.
HappyLove Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 So a perfect stranger knows where you work, where you live, and picked you up from the airport?! You are being very careless with your safety. He's probably turned off that your so easy. Sorry but it's the truth.
Author Bailey123 Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Philos- I do have negative thinking, I haven't tried contacting him only because he was with his family and I didn't want to disrupt that for him. I just stress because I slept with him way too soon, I dont regret it but it causes over-reactions.
Author Bailey123 Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 I realize how careless I have been being, I was being impulsive and again I am very new to dating. I am very trusting and naive and I work on this to try and avoid this type of situation. Again its why I feel so stupid and I know the mistakes I have made and I know what not to do from here on out with anyone. 1
Zahara Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Everything happened at lightning speed. You meet some guy on a dating site and before 30 minutes over coffee, he's picking you up from the airport and inviting you on trips. If you are looking for a relationship, then you have to stay away from situations that create risk as in you don't sleep with the guy. You create boundaries that help you path a positive and healthy way into achieving that possibility. Sleeping with a guy disrupts that process and can be risky. If you don't want to be a booty call, don't act like a booty call. If you want a guy to respect you, then create healthy boundaries that demand and exhibit self-respect within yourself. If you know you have to work the next day, don't get plastered the day before. If you know you don't want to end up at a guy's house and be a possible booty call, don't drink till you lose control. Sit back and see if he contacts you during the week. You both need to step back and actually date versus ending up in bed at every meeting. Take it out of the bedroom, date and get to know one another, see if he's actually relationship material, then consider taking it to the next step.
HappyLove Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I realize how careless I have been being, I was being impulsive and again I am very new to dating. I am very trusting and naive and I work on this to try and avoid this type of situation. Again its why I feel so stupid and I know the mistakes I have made and I know what not to do from here on out with anyone. Good for you Bailey. I'm glad you see how insane this was. We've all been there and made stupid mistakes but you must learn from them. Please don't put your life at risk like this ever again. When you meet a STRANGER online you meet them in a public place. No matter how great they seem or how well you think you know them. Remember you have no idea who this guy is. People lie all the time especially online.
Poppygoodwill Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Well since you're new to the thing, let me give you some general advice.... Rule #1: don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Rule #2: guys do what they want to do, so if they're not calling or not coming around - it's because they don't want to. For whatever reason. Rule #3: trust your instincts. If you get the feeling that something isn't quite right, it isn't - for you. As for this guy - he sounds pretty flaky from the start. He's tired, he's coming, he's not coming, he's working on his bike, he's eating...blah blah blah. This puts me in mind of rule number 2: if he was keen to see you, he would work on his bike another day and grab a burger on the way over to your place. The fact that he's always sort of lagging behind and almost looking to be convinced of where you are and what's going on tells me he's more intersted in his own amusement than in getting to know you better. If you feel a spark with him, then see him again. But my strong advice is to stop sleeping with him for the time being until you get a better feel of his intentions. You don't have to announce it to him, just find reasons why you have to end every evening at home in your own bed, alone. If all he's intersted in is sex, you'll know soon enough.
Author Bailey123 Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 I am definitely not going to try and contact him. I know what I have done has been stupid and I wish I could take the entire week back and really think about all the crap that has happened. This is not someone I want to repeat, I don't and will not be this type of person again, I can definitely be sure of that.
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