Author Juventa2012 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Red flag! When someone starts harping on things they don't even do for you, the time to leave is quickly approaching...This is what I call nit p I king or grasping at straws. If you acquiesce to this, he will find something else to complain about. I'm glad he's going to therapy. I'm glad he's going to therapy too. He was seeing a therapist for while, but not consistently. He had to see her to get re-fills for his meds. She recommended that she see a different therapist for his "issues". He told me she told him he needed to "talk" to someone that would help him deal with things "logically". I have no idea what that means since he really didn't give me any details.
MyEvilTwin Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) I see danger for him to be emotionally abusive to you. At this point I assume he hasn't because you haven't mentioned that. However this blackout drinking coupled with invasive envy questions about your past with other men leads only to one thing really...that if you stay with him later he will use that information against you in a fight, angrily, and jealously. This: "you should have taken his number, he would have done me a big favor, that way I don't have to take you out and spend money on you anymore" (he claims that this response was a joke) It's a sign of things to come, and it's a huge red flag. Very negative. He's showing you just who he's going to turn out to be once you are in very deep. He sounds borderline with narcissistic tendencies. Edited February 11, 2014 by MyEvilTwin 1
Author Juventa2012 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) UPDATE-- I was finally able to sit down and talk to him about some of the issues that have been on my mind. He has had 2 visits to his psychologist since I last posted. Some of my concerns were. -He's rude when he drinks and says very negative things. -He is emotionally guarded and has a wall up. -I don't feel like I can communicate with him because either he gets upset or just tries to manipulate the situation. -He is disrespectful when he talks about how other women come on to him. Besides all of the above, I also mentioned to him that I feel like he's not giving me 100% of himself. What I mean by that is that he acts like he's in another world and I'm just a part of it when he feels like I should be a part of it. He told me it's because he is at a point in his life where his past (meaning his childhood and past relationships) have caught up to him and now he has to deal with and try to resolve these before he can give me 100%. He also apologized for his rude behavior. He said that he is willing to work on the concerns that I have about this relationship and will make a sincere effort to improve. I was pleasantly surprised by his response because I was expecting him to say that he wanted out. Clearly, he has some personal issues that need resolving and after some thought I don't know if I want to go along for the ride. His behavior sometimes is cold and indifferent and I feel like he lacks intimacy as well, so all of these other issues have come to light and we just didn't have enough time to discuss all of them. Has anyone ever experienced a relationship like this? Where the other person isn't really giving 100% and lacks intimacy? Thanks for reading! Edited February 26, 2014 by Juventa2012
MidwestUSA Posted February 26, 2014 Posted February 26, 2014 Anyone out there? It's not the most active time of day, be patient. I haven't read your entire thread, but good luck!
Author Juventa2012 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Whats the problem here? Women love to date insecure guys that use crutches to mask it. Its the secure guys that dont put up with crap that get ignored.....thats where the problems are. Juventa2012 just needs to coddle him, and treat him like a child, hoping she can CHANGE him......isnt that what women love to do??? Yes, that would be the assumption. That I would have to "baby" him and "coddle" him with in hopes that I could CHANGE him. I'm not the kind of woman that finds that attractive in a male. I've dated men that were not needy, but they were bad boys that were secure. Problem is that one cheated on me. Yes, the man I'm currently dating does have insecurity issues and a lot of that may be due to his upbringing. At least he is getting help to improve himself. I just may not want to stay and "help" him along the way. It's unfortunate that I entered his life at a time where he is just realizing all of his inner demons! On the other hand, I ask myself, why did he even want to get into a relationship if he knew he had unresolved issues within himself? It's complicated.
Author Juventa2012 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Posted February 26, 2014 Do you really think most people are aware of the issues they have?? Most guys are self absorbed arrogant jerks that think they are gods gift to women. Hi Mr Turk! Yes, I agree that most people aren't aware until someone makes them aware! My guy's therapist recommended that he see a psychologist. He was seeing a therapist (psychiatrist) to get meds prescribed and one day he just started to spill out all of his feelings to her, about his childhood and his father's abuse towards his mom. I don't know all of the details but I could only imagine that he had an abusive upbringing. The therapist said he urgently needed to see a psychologist. He's had two session so far. I hope it helps him for his sake!
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