nala.x Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) Im sorry this is long but I really need help. My best friend and I have been best friends for 6 years. She is very competitive and competes with me about almost everything. I just ignore it because she is very insecure. People that have hung around us say she seems jealous of me and thats why she copies things i do. She belittles me also. When she was 15 her boyfriend forced her to sleep with him, and she holds on to it and that's why she has a quite negative outlook on life. She also slept with a guy I had some feelings for a little while ago and lied to me about it for 3 months, when i asked her to tell me the truth. The worst I think was when I lost a little bit of weight, so she decided she had to do the same so she stopped eating until she lost a lot of weight, and passed out in uni class. She doesnt have many friends of her own, only a couple. She has said herself that she cant keep friendships because people annoy her easily. But i am super friendly and I have many many friends, but a few best friends. This year we were going on a holiday for 2 months, with 3 of my other girl friends. The 3 girls are my close friends that i went to school with, and my best friend has tried to turn one of them against me, by hanging out with them one on one, and making it seem like i am jealous and that im angry that they are hanging out, and she also told her that she slept with that guy I was seeing but not to tell me (that failed because the friend told me). 2 weeks ago she told me she doesn't want to go on holiday with me and "my" friends because she doesn't trust us, because since they are "my" friends, if anything happens to her no one will care because theyre closer to me than her. This blew up and she acted like nothing happened and thought that it was "just another fight". She pretty much expected that I would just be a pushover again and accept her. I said I'm sick of fighting and that im sick of running back to her. She got very angry and said a lot of harsh things to me attacking my personal life - saying that im a hypocrite for saying she is negative because i go out drinking, taking drugs and partying, doing negative things to my body yet still eating healthy.. She also tries to get attention a lot - always saying she has depression, anxiety, and that she needs medication yet never goes to get checked. I told her the friendship is over after she attacked me personally. I dont know if I should try and make it work again or if I should just let it go? Edited February 10, 2014 by nala.x
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 How many times must you be slapped in the face? Think of all her actions as downright slap to the face. You do not need to salvage this friendship: It isn't even that. Friends do not do these types of things to one another. I know how hard it is to get rid of a friend. But! When they act like she is acting: I'd definitely end the friendship, and never associate with them again. No good is coming of this. You don't need extra stress or pain in your life. She doesn't have many friends, cause she treats them poorly. Not because they annoy her. Do not work something hopeless out! Be a strong woman; not a doormat. A time for an end has come.
Author nala.x Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Yeah I agree, it is a lot of stress but I feel guilty just leaving her - I feel like I need to help her get through what happened when she was younger. But she doesnt seem like she wants help. When I told her she will get through it she said "no i wont it changes someone forever ill always feel worthless". So i feel like I should be there for her, but at the same time she always compares herself to me and competes with me so maybe if im not in her life she will eventually figure herself out.
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) Look closely at her forehead... it may be barely visible, but I suspect she has the word 'victim' across it. Victims will always leech and grab whatever they can from those stronger than them. She gets validation by sapping the energy of others and playing the 'woe is me' card. Look at your life: Decide on the factors you'd like in there to make it a happy one. I don't know what they'd be, they're your choice entirely... love, family, career.... think of your goals. Does she actually figure in any of them, or do anything to advance their probability? There's your answer. And if you shuddered, and thought 'God, no....' then you know what you have to do. And mark it in your diary as 'urgent'. Like, yesterday, urgent. Oh, and to add... If you yourself refer to it as 'toxic'... then I have to ask myself, do you really need any further responses? I mean - really? Edited February 10, 2014 by TaraMaiden to add.... 1
BOREDouttaMymind Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 isn't psychology awesome? re-read your post's title: "Should I stop this toxic friendship with my best friend?" What's that 'T' word you used in it? you already know the answer. you don't need random strangers on here to tell you. listen to your gut and youll be just fine.
devilish innocent Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 You need to ask yourself if she enriches your life more than she damages it. Friendship is meant to be a two way streak where both people enrich each other's life. You don't owe anything to somebody who only wants to lean on you support without offering anything in return. You can't help her get better if she doesn't want to help herself. If she's traumatized from a rape that happened years ago, then she needs to be working with a therapist on overcoming it. It's good to be patient and supportive with a friend who's trying to better themselves. But it's completely different when somebody's not doing anything to get better and just wants to use it as an excuse to justify their poor behavior.
preraph Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 You're right about her being insecure. You know how some people won't wear clothes that don't have a label on them? Those people are insecure about their own sense of taste, so they're relying on designers to keep them from making a mistake. This girl is going to compete and copy you for the same reasons. At some point it will end in a real serious betrayal, more than likely. I went through it with my best friend who had betrayed me by gossiping with a new girl at school about me and embarrassing me with a crush, so I broke it off. But then at college, she was the only person I knew in the dorm, and there we were thrown together again. Some years after that she slept with a man I was serious about during one of our brief breakups. I lost them both at once and it was very painful. We were living together and I took 6 weeks before I kicked her out, to give myself a chance to think rationally. During that time, I reflected and realized she was always trying to borrow my clothes and shoes and had even made off with a favorite vintage suit. During that interim, she got hold of my black book which was left lying about the apartment and one by one all my male friends told me she'd contacted them trying to cry on their shoulders. So you see, she was just using me being mad at her for an excuse to make a final play with my attractive male friends because she knew the end was drawing near. Don't feel guilty. Let her sort herself out with a pro. I've found that if you let people who betray you hang around after they've already done it once, they'll do it again and worse!
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