justnotsure83 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I feel the trust has gone in our relationship and i'm gutted as loved her and thought she was the one. Everything has been amazing for us over the months but lately she seems to have needed more time apart. Anyway I was sat at her house with her and she was on her phone, to be fair she was using it while i was behind her hugging her which kind of makes me trust shes got nothing to hide, but the a text came through from a contact from plenty of fish, a dating site we met on. I asked about it and she deleted the message and deleted the contact in front of me then said to me 'the only reason i saved his number was because he messaged me a week back and i thought if i saved the number so i knew who it was if he messaged me again in the future id know who it was and then wouldnt need to reply something like 'whos this' for example' I am having a horrible time trusting this, because we used to tell each other things like this but this time she chose to hide the fact he text a week ago and saved his number so she'd know who he was? surely less damage would be caused if she'd told me about it in the first place like we used to or if she didnt save the number and put whos this as a reply id have trusted more than she didnt no who it was. I brought it up with her that im struggling to trust her over this and all i got was 'well its over then if you dont trust me' and we havent spoken since. Shes not putting effort into building my trust back just moving on, i dont no if this is because shes mad that im not trusting her or whether its because she is infact meeting other people now. im so confused. We are both in our late 20's.
Philosoraptor Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 You either trust her or you don't, and right now you are shaken. Her ultimatum seems a little forward though. Honestly if that was said to me I'd believe they were trying to get me to end things so they didn't look like the bad guy for being caught. This should be a situation that a couple should be able to talk through, not an ultimatum then silence. Honestly, I'd leave for that alone. 4
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Yes, nicely done. She played chess with you and manoeuvred you into checkmate, then blamed you for moving the pieces that way in the first place. 2
BradJacobs Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Shes not putting effort into building my trust back just moving on, i dont no if this is because shes mad that im not trusting her or whether its because she is infact meeting other people now. My money is on the latter. You need to move on from this. Don't waste time trying to understand it. 1
Author justnotsure83 Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 I'm still convinced she wouldn't do that to me though, I dont know why im trusting her so much but she doesnt seem the type. She has just text me because I went up earlier to say the only way I could trust her is if she let me check her messages thats the only way we can get the trust back. She just said 'fine check away youll not find anything' and i didnt. Now im thinking ive ruined it for being overly stupid and checking her phone but another part of me says she could of easily met this guy and not liked him so deleted his number. Im so torn between the 2 its either shes telling the truth that she saved the number just so he couldnt bother her again and she wouldnt reply to give him false hope or its that shes lying and she met him, whether it worked or not. Feel ive ruined it anyway now by checking her phone, makes me look a complete tool, insecure, clingy idiot and ive never been that way in my life. ffs She has just text me because ive not text her since and she put 'just checking to see how you are, think i might grab a nap soon as im tired from working earlier' If im coming across a soft idiot would she check to see if im ok out of interest or out of feeling guilty. im so torn, this has really shaken me.
mammasita Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 You've been dating for months, but she got a message on POF last week. Curiouser and Curiouser. 2
tlegend Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Had something pretty much exactly as you say it happen to me. We broke up about a month ago. She manipulated me into breaking up with her so she could "play the victim" to these other assclowns she was messaging behind my back. You want my 2 cents....even tho I may have a jaded view? This is your first encounter because the message came to her phone WHILE YOU were there. How many messages came while you weren't? Simply because I've had this happen to me, I would have a hard time trusting that she wasn't dating you...and looking for a new prospect at the same time.
TXGuy Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I think you have overplayed your hand and have damaged the relationship beyond repair by checking her phone days after catching her with POF contacts. If she had no contacts from or correspondence with men, the you came across as jealous and insecure. If she was corresponding with other men, she had plenty of time to clean up her phone log before she showed it to you. Here you would be the bumbling chump that couldn't figure it out. She will now be emboldened to continue correspondence and hook ups because you will be in no position to accuse her again. I simply don't see how checking her phone with a days notice would do anything to regain your trust. You can ride this out if you like. The best way would be to simply trust her going forward. But keep an eye out for red flags.
soccerrprp Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 You've been dating for months, but she got a message on POF last week. Curiouser and Curiouser. She still has an active dating profile. No need to wonder. She's still on the prowl..... 1
Author justnotsure83 Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 She isnt on pof as its easy to go on there and do a quick search, comes up blank. I did recently have a message off someone who was interested in me months back too so can sort of see her point. Maybe I should just get on with it, chill out and see if she gives me the kind of attention she used to, if she doesnt then i guess whether she met another guy or not becomes irrelevant because too much damage has been done anyway. Only time will tell now, ill report back in the next few weeks if anything else pops up so others can take some knowledge away with what happened to me. She may just of got comfy with me before I did and now feels I should give her time to do her own things, a lot of problems started when the honeymoon phase ended for her before it did for me, and she wanted to see friends and family more rather than seeing me more. We now see each other id say twice to 3 times a week and stay over once a week. Its not really enough for me so all i can do is ride the wave and if it picks up great, if it doesnt i need to salvage some pride and just say im moving on. Hate how some woman cannot leave someone of there own accord they have to manipulate you into thinking its your fault not theres.
tlegend Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Hate how some woman cannot leave someone of there own accord they have to manipulate you into thinking its your fault not theres. It's to keep the perpetual dating game going..... I'm sorry, as I said before, I have such a jaded view on this. You say that you can do a search for her name, and it doesn't pop up. Yet, this man contacted her recently. If she removed her profile, she would not be receiving messages. I've been on the receiving end of lies and manipulation into breaking the relationship off and feeling guilty for it...only to find that she wanted it that way all along. She WANTED to get broken up with so she could spend a few days playing the victim and lining up her next rebound. I strongly urge you to protect your emotions and your feelings. I don't know the whole situation, but the feeling I get from your situation is that you have been played a fool, and now that she knows you caught on....she will slowly manipulate you into breaking up with her because of the trust issue...and the whole time she will be messaging these other people. And guess what their "common connection" will be to incite discussion and build attraction? Yes, that's right, it will be you. Or rather, how you treated her with such bad behavior and didn't trust her and the new guy will try to be the white knight in shining armor and swoop to save the damsel in distress. Only to be manipulated later down the road for another knight. Sorry, I have such a jaded view on this whole situation....
truth_seeker Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 She knows what she has in you, and wants to see what else is out there, ie, can she do better. She tested you with the ultimatum. You leave, she knows you're no doormat. You stay, she has you wrapped around her finger. I recommend you leave and don't look back.
Author justnotsure83 Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 (edited) Well as most of you will no from my other threads things haven't been going well and yesterday they ended for good. We have had such an amazing time of late and ive tried so hard to do it all her way hoping she will feel comfortable enough to let everything go back to how it was when we was both happy but then yesterday hit the nail on the head, heres how it went. I planned a meal and a few drinks to relax her as she was having a lot of stress at work, we was both happy talking all day and she even said 'god i love you so much' then she said 'come to mine around 5:30-6ish tonight' (it was our date night where the kids dad looks after him while we go out but ive still never met him even though weve spoken about it and said it was about time and also were throwing a party soon for the little one and was going to invite him so thought was perfect time today) anyway i turned up at 5:45 on the dot thinking id help her get ready by looking after the kid while she got changed, she looked at me in disgust and this is the conversation after i sat next to her: ME - Hi babes looking forward to tonight HER - Suprised youre here so early ME - What you mean? thought you said 5:30-6ish HER - Yeah so i assumed youd come at 6, have you come early to check up on me thinking (the ex name) would be here already ME - What are you talking about ive just come at the time we said ready for our night out HER - Well would you mind going back out and driving round the corner until im ready for you? dont want (the ex) to think ive invited you round to make him uncofortable ME - So ive got to go sit in car round corner uncofortable so your ex doesnt? thats fantastic thanks a lot then all i got was texts about how much of an idiot i am basically, then i drove home and she blocked me on facebook blocked me on her phone and i just thought enoughs enough ive got to walk away. Time to heal i guess, gutted but feel shes got no respect for me and walked all over me, i guess someone will come along on here and tell me i was wrong to react the way i did but it all just got to much how low she thinks of me and thing is ive never checked up on her once which makes me feel shes now got something to hide after all. i guess checking her phone after the message came through has ruined us and ill take all the blame and move on. just gutted it didnt work Edited February 19, 2014 by justnotsure83
LEEVIT2F8 Posted February 19, 2014 Posted February 19, 2014 First off you were a psycho, crazy, controlling, bag o douche. Women need three different men at all times. One for sex, one for fun, and one for connection and love. It is up to YOU as a man to provide all of these for your woman. Luckily, a woman in love is a pretty forgiving creature. But fail at any one of these areas long enough. And disappoint her enough and she will find a way to fill that gap. I'll clue you in that usually involves filling another gap too... Which one of those areas were you insufficient in before the lull started? Now after the message you just burned it to the ground and became a huge pain in the ass. Clearly no fun. Who wants Colombo over here digging through their phone? And your trust connection was gone. Better hope the sex is really good at that point. Even then I dunno... Then the coup de gras. Like a pro wrestler you pulled out your best finisher. And awkwardly showed up to help her with the baby and meet the ex you never have met? I really don't think you even like p*ssy at this point. LOL If a woman tried to ninja her way in to meet the ex I'd bounce her so fast her head would spin. She wouldn't even had to do the spineless crap you pulled before that. In closing, people CHOOSE to be with someone. You can't force them. You can only love them and take care of their needs. Be all three of those men she needs and shes not looking any more.
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