mojo71 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) Hey guys! When my boyfriend and I have sex, sometimes I tell him during the act,"I'm not gonna have an orgasm" or "Its all you baby, I'm not gonna come". He has taken offense to that and says it kills the mood. Is that true for most guys? Should I say anything or not? Most of the time I do orgasm, just sometimes I don't and I've explained to him that most women don't have an orgasm EVERY-TIME they have sex. He says I shouldn't announce it in the middle of having sex. Is he right? Thanks for the advice;) Edited February 10, 2014 by mojo71
JourneyLady Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 As a woman, I cannot answer your question, of course. But I would like to say I have noticed lately that men are starting to seem to think they are not a "man" unless they have given us one. Two of my ex's put great emphasis on whether I had one or not. It's a lot of pressure, which makes me less likely to orgasm. Strange but, at the same time most of them (this is older men, by the way) claimed to have cum without ejaculating 99% of the time. This is strange to me - my ex-hubs always ejaculated. Ex-bf almost never. Hey guys! When my boyfriend and I have sex, sometimes I tell him during the act,"I'm not gonna have an orgasm" or "Its all you baby, I'm not gonna come". He has taken offense to that and says it kills the mood. Is that true for most guys? Should I say anything or not? Most of the time I do orgasm, just sometimes I don't and I've explained to him that most women don't have an orgasm EVERYTIME they have sex. He says I should'nt announce it in the middle of having sex. Is he right? Thanks for the advice;) 1
Author mojo71 Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 As a woman, I cannot answer your question, of course. But I would like to say I have noticed lately that men are starting to seem to think they are not a "man" unless they have given us one. Two of my ex's put great emphasis on whether I had one or not. It's a lot of pressure, which makes me less likely to orgasm. Strange but, at the same time most of them (this is older men, by the way) claimed to have cum without ejaculating 99% of the time. This is strange to me - my ex-hubs always ejaculated. Ex-bf almost never. He wants me to cum and he says it doesn't make him feel less than a man if I don't. He just says it kills the mood when I say I won't cum during our lovemaking. He has asked me numerous times not to say it during but I don't want him to feel he HAS to get me off for him to get off. He tries so hard sometimes and puts me first and I feel bad for him working so hard at it. That's why I just say I'm not going to cum and its all him. Maybe I shouldn't say it at all
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Just don't say anything during sex. That is the problem; by that, I do not mean stay quiet. I mean for you not to tell him whether you've came or not. If he asks, do not lie either: answer, and let him deal with it. As a man, well, a learned man....i know full hand that women are capable of enjoying sex, even if they do not cum. Although, I still want her to cum, of course. If not, and she enjoys it still: we both 'win'. Sex is about fulfillment: if she is fulfilled and happy, so would I be. I'd just not say anything about Cumming during. After, he may ask: you can tell him. 4
Author mojo71 Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Thats what he said. I always thought its normal for women not to ALWAYS have an orgasm during sex and it would be ok if i gave him the go ahead. I told him if every woman hes been with said they did, they were lying.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) Thats what he said. I always thought its normal for women not to ALWAYS have an orgasm during sex and it would be ok if i gave him the go ahead. I told him if every woman hes been with said they did, they were lying. It is normal. Maybe except for a few women. Nothing is certainly wrong here. You can let him know, when this comes up, that this doesn't make him any less a man. That you still thoroughly enjoyed sex with him: Are completely fine whether you have an orgasm or not. I'd just not say anything during sex, about you not Cumming or not. If you want him to continue, till he's done, just let him. That's if you want that. That way, you avoid a turn off for him. Edited February 10, 2014 by Toddbt12y1 2
Silly_Girl Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Personally, I'd say so. I wouldn't want him going hell for leather on my favourite things, in the hopes I'll cum or we'll do so simultaneously, when I know it's definitely not going to happen. He's fine with that. Actually, all my sexual partners have been. I don't switch off though, I'm still well 'in' and up for whatever's going on.
Author mojo71 Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Personally, I'd say so. I wouldn't want him going hell for leather on my favourite things, in the hopes I'll cum or we'll do so simultaneously, when I know it's definitely not going to happen. He's fine with that. Actually, all my sexual partners have been. I don't switch off though, I'm still well 'in' and up for whatever's going on. What would you "say so" to Silly Girl? I shouldn't say anything "during"?
lucy_in_disguise Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Instead of telling him you're not orgasm, why don't you try saying something like, "I wanna feel you cum," to let him know its about him? I can see it both ways... Letting him know the way you are doing may be a turnoff for him, but I wouldn't want anyone spending hours working on me if I know it's not gonna happen, either. 4
Philosoraptor Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I'm sorry but what in the world possessed you to think that saying "I'm not gonna have an orgasm" during sex would do anything positive for the experience? Keep the vocals to passion, sexy talk, and dirty talk. Not updates on how you're not getting there. That simply would take the heat out of the mood. I mean, what would cross your mind if in the middle of the passion he just said "Its all you baby, I'm not gonna come"? 4
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Frankly, when I have sex with my H., it's a huge turn-on to see that he's climaxing. I would sincerely imagine the same goes in reverse - a guy's 'performance' is enhanced by knowing he's pleasing his lady.... To suddenly tell him in the middle of a love-making session that - essentially - "You're not doing it for me this time," (which is what he's hearing) is probably the biggest wilt-maker there could be. From midday to six pm in a nanosecond, if you get my drift. 3
Silly_Girl Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 What would you "say so" to Silly Girl? I shouldn't say anything "during"? Sorry, I would say so during. I might say 'honey, listen, I'm just not going to be able to cum today, but don't stop what you're doing I'm loving it/how about we do X/Y/Z next' or something like that. My husband, and my exes, have all totally understood that sometimes, whether it's stress, tiredness, or something completely random, it's just *not* going to happen. I don't understand why people are saying it's an affront to the person you're *****ing at the time. Sometimes I've been too turned on and it's all too much I just can't get there. Occasionally my husband doesn't cum, despite having been 'ready' for ages, but I don't make it all about me. Maybe try later, or maybe tomorrow will be twice as good. Life isn't a porn film. There will be days it's just not your day. It doesn't mean you don't fancy the pants off your sexual partner or get off the sex.
Silly_Girl Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 For those in the 'don't tell' camp. What do you do if he's wanting to see you climax before he does? Fake it? 3
BOREDouttaMymind Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 ya that's a mood killer. just reverse the situation. you two are having hot sex, youre seconds from coming, and he says "im not gonna come". you don't think that would turn you off? just talk to him about it. does he rush the foreplay to get right to sex? maybe that's why youre not. but youre right, many times girls don't come as much as their guys.
MidwestUSA Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 My husband doesn't miss a beat if I tell him (yes, DURING) that it's not going to happen. He knows I don't fake, so what are the other options? We simply move on to making it all about him. He'll catch me on the flip side. He absolutely does not take it as reflection on his manhood. And there have been times I've told him 'not gonna happen', and guess what? Bam, it happens. It does help that we're pretty comfortable discussing anything in bed, and get back into the groove easily. I recall once hearing the cat next to the bed, heaving. We broke apart, and I caught the vomit with a magazine. Coitus interruptus! There is really little that could happen from which we don't quickly recover. (Altho we haven't been challenged by children; that might do it!) 2
Johnsmith1003 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Hey guys! When my boyfriend and I have sex, sometimes I tell him during the act,"I'm not gonna have an orgasm" or "Its all you baby, I'm not gonna come". He has taken offense to that and says it kills the mood. Is that true for most guys? Should I say anything or not? Most of the time I do orgasm, just sometimes I don't and I've explained to him that most women don't have an orgasm EVERY-TIME they have sex. He says I shouldn't announce it in the middle of having sex. Is he right? Thanks for the advice;) Yeah he's right, a little. Us guys take GREAT pride and satisfaction to get our girl to get an orgasm, so if you say it with a straight face that you're expecting a bad time in bed, it RUINS everything. Try to talk to him any OTHER time than during, and tell him how you like to be pleasured.
Silly_Girl Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 For those in the 'don't tell' camp. What do you do if he's wanting to see you climax before he does? Fake it? Anyone...? 1
Els Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 For those in the 'don't tell' camp. What do you do if he's wanting to see you climax before he does? Fake it? I was under the impression that this was not the case for the OP. Perhaps she can clarify?
MidwestUSA Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Anyone...? Fake it and then confess later that it wasn't real? LOL, I don't know, you saw my reply.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Rather be told the truth. Beware what you ask for, if you won't like the answer. That is my answer, Silly. If he asks during: knowing he won't like the answer, that is his problem. However, the OP should not fake it to make it. Nor should she tell the boyfriend that she isn't going to orgasm. That doesn't need to be said. Just enjoy the moment
MyEvilTwin Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 My evil twin thinks that he shouldn't' have told you in the first place what to say, what not to say, or any other barking orders on how to behave. If he has a problem with anything you say, it's his problem, and he should have dealt with that in his own head. He's essentially told you to not be you. Just be real, whatever that is for you.
Silly_Girl Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Rather be told the truth. Beware what you ask for, if you won't like the answer. That is my answer, Silly. If he asks during: knowing he won't like the answer, that is his problem. However, the OP should not fake it to make it. Nor should she tell the boyfriend that she isn't going to orgasm. That doesn't need to be said. Just enjoy the moment So you just carry on and assume he'll finish alone. Interesting. I guess if he's not the least bit interested in her satisfaction, that works fine. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 So you just carry on and assume he'll finish alone. Interesting. I guess if he's not the least bit interested in her satisfaction, that works fine. Grasping at something that isn't there. No one assumes nothing. Point being: If this upsets him so much, she should just cease on telling him whether she's going to cum or not. Clearly, that is the issue. One easily resolved too. On the otherhand, if he asks her during sex, that is his problem to deal with. I never implied he'd finish alone and carry it alone, I'm talking about the root of the problem here: She is telling him she will not cum, and he may as well get his. True, nothing is wrong with that: except, there is, it turns him off. Best she not tell him nothing. They can keep doing their thing; and he'll not be turned off during sex.
Silly_Girl Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 I obviously have a mental block with this. I don't see how it works. If nothing is said between them but he's trying to achieve her climax, what happens? Awkward? If nothing is said between them and he doesn't care whether she climaxes or not, what happens? They carry on but he's the only one who gets a happy ending? What other options are there? 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 If I wanted to let a guy know that he could go ahead and finish because I wasn't going to, I would usually say something like 'I really want to feel you cum in me'. I actually have never come from sex, ever. Partly because I guess I'm just in the third of women that don't (or is it two thirds?) and partly because I'm on so much painkilling medication for a chronic pain condition that it can make me quite anorgasmic at times. I can get off on oral but even that isn't a guarantee... the more a guy focuses on making me get off, the less and less likely it's going to happen, so I'd rather just enjoy the ride and if it happens, great, if not, well I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me because the positive effects of the meds are what makes sex possible at all. Nobody I've ever dated has had a problem with it, unless they've just kept it to themselves. Everyone understood that it's a medical issue and not something I have any control over. Maybe that's what makes it okay, it's not their 'fault', it's the pills? But anyway, I can assure you I still have a full, active, kinky, wild sex life and don't feel cheated that I don't come every time I get into bed with someone. One of the best things about sex is giving somebody else pleasure. So if I've been with someone new and it's not gonna happen yeah, I'd probably just say straight that I wanted to feel them come. And then talk later. 2
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