conmorse Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 it's been 3 months since post break up and NC, tonight I screwed up big time. I was driving home from a friends house late at night and decided to go out of my way to pass by my ex's house. I don't know why I did this, it's creepy and im disgusted at myself. When I passed by I noticed that none of her parent's car was there, except for hers. Then I noticed another car was parked in her drive way, a car I recognize to be one of her guy friends... It's the same guy I was curious about if she had moved on to after she and I broke up, and now I have my answer... I just put myself in so much pain, I could have driven home tonight and not pass by, but I did. I don't know why the 3 months after the break up didn't put things into perspective, but seeing his car at her place tonight really did... I feel stupid.
sighh Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 it's all good bro, atleast you know and atleast you got an answer when i went past i didn't get any answers, i got caught and i look pathetic in my ex's eyes just be grateful she has no idea you checked all you can do is accept the answer you got and try to move on 1
WhiteTan Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 You're not stupid but it sounds like your curiosity got the best of you. What happened already happened, don't beat yourself up over it..it's time to learn from it and move forward from here.
herself Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Hey, its ok...I think you just had a weak moment and curiosity. And for a comforting thought(s)....I can think of a few....you didnt contact her....and also, no matter who people replace their ex with...the bottom line....he aint you. Try as she might, she can never duplicate what you guys had. Its just some girls cant be alone, gotta have a guy to validate them...doesnt mean they are happy. Dont let yourself sink back down, 3 months is really awesome, dont break nc, this drive by, let it help you heal by giving you some closure. Be proud you didnt call or text her. Smile. 1
counterman Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I feel for you man. I've been through the same thing. My first ex-girlfriend, when we were together, kept telling me she wasn't at all interested in this guy, who was MY friend. I suspected she was but I took her word for it. 1 month after she broke up with me, she was "seeing" this guy as "friends". Then several months down the track, he messages me and says "hey man, I'm dating your ex, hope you're OK with it. Bye" I was furious. But then I thought about it and realise, she can date whoever she wants. Did she lie to me when we were together? Yes. That's what hurt the most. I was bitter for months. But eventually, it allowed me to move on and completely erase her from my life though. Now, with my most recent ex, she has only one close guy friend. She has repeated said she's not interested in him romantically at all, she doesn't find him attractive and he's friend-zoned. But the way they interacted and her emotional connection with him, it's bound to happen. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. I really don't want to know. At least you know what's happening with her and the person she is. It'll be hard. God, it'll be hard. But you'll come out the other side better. Stay strong
Author conmorse Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 After 3 months of NC, I have my answer. When I drove by that night and I saw his car at her house late at night... that just brought me back to hell, back to day one. I threw up in my car. That should be my closure shouldn't it? That shes with someone else now, regardless if it's a rebound or not shes with someone. So why am I still caught up on her? Why do I want to "see" her or "talk" to her? I know there's no point. Why am I having all these pointless thoughts?
Musing Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 That should be my closure shouldn't it? That shes with someone else now, regardless if it's a rebound or not shes with someone. So why am I still caught up on her? Why do I want to "see" her or "talk" to her? I know there's no point. Why am I having all these pointless thoughts? For the same reason a drug addict will long for a crave a drug knowing how bad it is and that it could kill them. Your brain craves her. Every time you see her, or something directly related to her (like her house, car etc) your brain looks at it as a "reward" or a "hit". Not a big enough one to really satisfy you totally but just enough to keep you hooked a little longer. The only closure you will get is time. You could find out she is engaged or expecting a kid and you won't get closure until you actively avoid everything about her, long enough to where your brain no longer looks for that "hit" and she won't affect you anymore. It's why recovering addicts can't be around friends or people associated with their drug of choice, or see others using. It makes them go insane unless they are totally recovered (although it's also a very physical thing with them too so it's a lot more complex, I just use it as an analogy.) In time you will be okay but don't expose yourself to things that can potentially hurt you or set you back. Stay strong. 1
counterman Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 After 3 months of NC, I have my answer. When I drove by that night and I saw his car at her house late at night... that just brought me back to hell, back to day one. I threw up in my car. That should be my closure shouldn't it? That shes with someone else now, regardless if it's a rebound or not shes with someone. So why am I still caught up on her? Why do I want to "see" her or "talk" to her? I know there's no point. Why am I having all these pointless thoughts? I agree with what Musing said. Stay strong. You will never get closure, that's what I've learnt. Being in a similar situation to yours, I was still caught up on my ex for a bit too, even though she was dating a former friend of mine. Part of me wanted to confront her and ask "why?" But what would the point of all that had been? Truth was I did still miss her after finding that news, but I knew deep down in my mind that it was all the more reason to move on (not that you need any more reason to after a break-up). I'm so sorry you're going through all this pain. When I found out the news about my ex, or should I say when my "friend" told me that he was dating my ex, at that moment, I laughed like a mad man and then just broke down and cry. I went into a rage shortly after and started bashing the boxing bag. Soon after that, I made massive progress in terms of moving on, with the help of LS. Most of it was self-preservation. That means, breaking old habits of driving by her house, going to places we use to frequent, stop seeing mutual friends, and cutting off all contact. It was hard. All I can say is, it gets better. Stay strong.
rosedl Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Really like Musing's comment. Very accurate. Please give yourself a break. Yes, the ideal is to never break down and maintain no contact like a Rambo Robot with a on/off switch of the heart. It isn't that easy. And, I would like to point out that for THREE months you held to it and when you did break, it wasn't even direct contact. It was a drive by. I would remind you that for three months despite your sadness, hurt, fear, and loneliness, you held to no contact. Mega-strength. Hardest thing in the world to do when your heart is screaming in pain. Most people break no contact at some point. It doesn't put you back to square one no matter what people here will say....If you smoked a pack a day, then quit and smoked one cigarette in three months, you still didn't smoke the other 619 cigaretts, you would have smoked otherwise. It is a minor set back. That is all. I totally get where you are coming from about the longing to be with someone you know will only hurt you. I still love my ex and he was horrible at the end. 1
Chi townD Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 Then several months down the track, he messages me and says "hey man, I'm dating your ex, hope you're OK with it. Bye" I was furious. Ouch, what a douche Rocket! I hope you texted back, " Hey, I'm gonna sleep with your mom. To be honest, she's a MILF so you can understand where I'm coming from. So, if you walk by her bedroom and she's moaning, don't knock. It's all good. I hope you're okay with it! Bye!" I hope you still don't talk to this asshat?
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