bobsmith76 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 On my online dating profile I have a list of the top 6 reasons for why I would make a good husband/father. I'm not going to list them here because I don't really like people commenting on them. In any case, I'm a bit hesitant to list this as a following reason: - I don't use pornography. I know pornography has ruined a lot of relationships and some women might see this as a bonus, but I'm still hesitant about putting that out there because pornography is something that you're supposed to pretend does not even exist.
Barbarossa Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I would not put that in a dating profile and really no porn ever?
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I didn't know that men like this exist. What do you use for mastrubation if you don't mind me asking? 1
PegNosePete Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 No, no and hell no. You should not put that or anything sexual on your dating profile. Unless you're looking for hookups. But then a list of 6 reasons why you'd make a great husband/father sounds like a really terrible dating profile anyway. Women do not choose a boyfriend/husband based on a logical list of why you are the best. They choose a boyfriend/husband because they fancy the pants off you. 6
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 No, no and hell no. You should not put that or anything sexual on your dating profile. Unless you're looking for hookups. But then a list of 6 reasons why you'd make a great husband/father sounds like a really terrible dating profile anyway. Women do not choose a boyfriend/husband based on a logical list of why you are the best. They choose a boyfriend/husband because they fancy the pants off you. I don't agree with the bolded. Maybe when I was in my early 20s but not now. Logic plays a bigger part than attraction (for me). I agree that 6 reasons why he would make a good bf is weird and should be discarded. 1
gaius Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I didn't know that men like this exist. What do you use for mastrubation if you don't mind me asking? I get the vibe he doesn't whack off at all. Anyway bob if you want to include it include it. Part of the reason OLD sucks is people are so busy hiding this or that and pretending to be something they're not. It would be a better place if people were more themselves instead of who they think they should be. Sharing you don't watch porn isn't something so shocking that you need to withhold it until the 10th date.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 No. You will put off the women who DO use pornography, better to say nothing at all either way and not limit yourself as to which women will see you as a potential match. The ones that don't like pornography will be pleasantly surprised when they get to know you but given that no other dudes are stating that, you're not exactly gonna be losing out to the competition by failing to point it out on your profile!
Gaeta Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I have done online dating to a point I could write a book about it. Keep your profile short and clean. No list of any kind. We 'women' know better than to believe what's written in a profile, the real test is face-to-face. Your 6 reasons could be true but then you could also be a narcissist manipulator, how good is your list to us then. 1
PegNosePete Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I don't agree with the bolded. Maybe when I was in my early 20s but not now. Logic plays a bigger part than attraction (for me). Well, the fancy the pants line was somewhat tongue in cheek. But I stand by my opinion that logic is rarely a part of the decision process for the vast majority of women even into 30's and 40's. If you sit down and logically decide whether to have a 2nd date with a guy based on what your objectives and needs, then you are very different from any woman I have ever dated. Otherwise I'd be fighting them off with a stick LOL, because on paper I am the most awesome dude around, but in practice I couldn't pull my way out of a paper bag.
salparadise Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) But then a list of 6 reasons why you'd make a great husband/father sounds like a really terrible dating profile anyway. Women do not choose a boyfriend/husband based on a logical list of why you are the best. They choose a boyfriend/husband because they fancy the pants off you. You don't say "this is why I'd make a great husband/father" and then give a list with bullet points. You describe yourself as having these characteristics, using well composed paragraphs, and let them draw their own conclusion. When people don't realize you're trying to convince, it's a lot more convincing. Presenting character traits as preferences rather than literally saying "these are my character traits" will keep them from being filtered so readily. Use subtle, positive terms that make character traits appealing. For instance, goal-oriented, responsible, conservative, forward-thinking, work ethic, education, etc. all add up to... this is a man who will probably make a lot of money. But if you brag about how much you make, what kind of car you drive, how smart you are... they will think you're just full of yourself. Instead of talking about porn, masturbation, sex and so forth, talk about caring, emotionally healthy, affectionate. Let them do the transcription for themselves and they'll think they've discovered their own private gold mine. I have a feeling I'm going to catch hell for letting this cat out of the bag! Edited February 10, 2014 by salparadise 2
Priv Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 But I do understand why you want to put it up there. Every women I dated seriously has asked me if I watch porn. Funny really. I guess you had the same experience? Standard answer is yes, just about every day when single, but I much rather play with you .
organizedchaos Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 But I do understand why you want to put it up there. Every women I dated seriously has asked me if I watch porn. Funny really. I guess you had the same experience? Standard answer is yes, just about every day when single, but I much rather play with you . My ex and I wwould sometimes watch it together. that was fun.
Priv Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 My ex and I wwould sometimes watch it together. that was fun. Sure is
bene Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I wouldn't put anything sexual on the profile if you are looking for a long term relationship and not a hookup with a particular fetish or something. Think of it that way - would you say it to a woman you meet at work or a party or in grocery store? It is just too much information for total strangers. Maybe this is just my personal preference but instead of what you don't like, say what you do like. Negative statements give a passive vibe to me and give much less information than positive statements. Good luck!
salparadise Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 But I do understand why you want to put it up there. Every women I dated seriously has asked me if I watch porn. Funny really. I guess you had the same experience? Standard answer is yes, just about every day when single, but I much rather play with you . You never know what someone's attitude about porn is going to be. Even mentioning it is almost guaranteed to hurt you more than it helps by a factor of 10. If porn is not on your radar, then why would you be thinking of it when writing a profile? I wouldn't put anything sexual on the profile if you are looking for a long term relationship and not a hookup with a particular fetish or something. Negative statements give a passive vibe to me and give much less information than positive statements. While there may be an occasional female anomaly who responds to sexual topics in a profile, she's going to be extremely rare... even if she's looking for a hookup. I think women use the same criteria for a hookup guy as they do for a long-term guy, maybe slanted slightly toward looks and confidence rather than status. But then, they'll also go for pure status sometimes. It amazes me that people don't understand the effect of putting a bunch of negative stuff in a profile. It just eliminates the best prospects right off the bat. Women read profiles and they infer as much from what they read between the lines as from what is actually written.
bene Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 If porn is not on your radar, then why would you be thinking of it when writing a profile? It would make a fun profile if someone would list all the dirty things that they don't do or don't think about 1
Thegreatestthing Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 You have a nice face/head etc you should be fine. As much as I like sex,pornography sometimes turns me off it's just too much up in the face, so I think many women would see it as a huge bonus,ESP as many men have pornographic addictions,it separates you which is important in OLD. 1
Philosopher Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 It is probably better to say that you don't use pornography when you actually come to meet them. Putting it in the profile may weird some women out. Do you not have any other reason to date you that you could put in that list.
CarrieT Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I know pornography has ruined a lot of relationships I think this is your biggest mis-conception. Pornography itself has not ruined relationships. The lack of open and honest communication about pornography - or about sex drive, desires, needs, wants, etc - is what ruins communication. By lauding this Pornography Is Bad banner, you are adding to the stigma of a problem than doesn't need to exist in a relationship. 3
FitChick Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Going by the OPs other threads, his problem has more to do with not having a well paid job. To be a good husband and father in the traditional sense, to attract a traditional woman, you have to be a good provider. 1
normal person Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Going by the OPs other threads, his problem has more to do with not having a well paid job. To be a good husband and father in the traditional sense, to attract a traditional woman, you have to be a good provider. You hit the nail on the head. This guy's thread about seeing a woman on OLD, finding out where she works, and going to introduce himself to her without communicating online first (ie: stalking) was the most unsettling thing I've read on this site. OP, most people don't marry solely on a person's ability to be a good partner/parent (and sadly, in a lot of cases, this doesn't seem to be at all a prerequisite). To marry someone, you typically have to like them and vice versa. I would try establishing a connection with someone before I start putting my resume in their face.
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I would discuss it with whomever you date but leave it off the profile . . . it comes across as thou doth protest too much if you get my drift.
Recommended Posts