cybclimb Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 We parted ways 3 weeks ago. We have been together for 10 months and it was great, and we even talked about moving in together (She lives 2 hours away in another city, but her sister lives near me and that's how we met in a party). We had our share of fights and disagreements, sometimes over small things. Anyway on thanksgiving, she told me she wants to go on dates again, We had a quarrel since I didnt spent thanksgiving with her, as I was with my daughter from a previous marriage visiting relatives. I told her good luck and I hope she finds happiness. I think there's something brewing beforehand but was surprised with what she told me. I went NC for a week and was on LC during the holidays. She told me she indeed went on several dates, as I did too (but I wasn't serious with mine as I just want feel good after what she told me). Anyway, I told her we should stop talking to each other. On new year's day, she texted me again out of the blue. we talked for awhile on the phone and we agreed to meet face to face again to talk since there was no closure. We met after 2 weeks and we were like the old couple again - we bar hopped, dined out, and watched a musical that weekend. And yes, we did slept together again. The last day, we finally talked at a brewery. I asked her what she wants, and she told me she doesnt want any commitment but otherwise she doesnt know what else she wants. I told her I want her back. She said she can't give me what I want since she's tired of the fighting,. I said it's natural for couples to fight - its how they resolve the issue that matters. She said she want me to be her friend, and I said I can't give her what she wants. I said I don't want to be an option, and it will hurt if I see her with another man. Later that night when I was about to leave, I told her I really love her but I don't want to be an option, and its my choice to leave. As I walked out of her door, I told her she won't see or hear from me again once I step out. She never followed or stopped me. After I got home, I un-friended her from facebook, and I went NC. Last weekend, I went out on dinner with several friends. I asked them if should text and greet her on her birthday. All of them said no. One of the girls in particular told me to never go back and I deserve better. This is coming from a person whom we are both good friends with. Its funny how they held a piece of bread and said don't settle for breadcrumbs. I know they are right but I am still tempted to text her today and greet her. What should I do? Any thoughts or advise?
pickflicker Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 The answer to this question, is, was, and always will be, forever & ever, NO! Don't text an ex on a birthday.
David87 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Like the others said, NO, don't do it she's no longer a part of your life.
FailedFirstLove Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I was wondering the same thing... His bday is in April... And I have a present already for him... Can't I just give it to him..even if he doesn't want to see me...
David87 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I was wondering the same thing... His bday is in April... And I have a present already for him... Can't I just give it to him..even if he doesn't want to see me... WHY????? What do you achieve by doing that? Do share with us please.
Ordinaryday Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 wow I see this question like every single week on this board, and I still can't believe people ask it. if someone dumped you they basically said, when you cut through all the lines they may have given you, that they dont want you in their life anymore and have no desire to remain in contact with you. why on earth would anyone even consider wishing someone like that a happy birthday? 2
Author cybclimb Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 wow I see this question like every single week on this board, and I still can't believe people ask it. if someone dumped you they basically said, when you cut through all the lines they may have given you, that they dont want you in their life anymore and have no desire to remain in contact with you. why on earth would anyone even consider wishing someone like that a happy birthday? Its not that I won't ever see her. I am friends with her sister and we're both members of a social group. Eventually, I would have to be friends with her whether I like it or not to remove any awkwardness if our group meets. We will be forced to be civil to each other by our peers.
Musing Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 If you were a few months out and healed, I'd say go for it. Nothing wrong with a "Happy Birthday!" message. So long as it's neutral and brief. Everyone likes a greeting on their special day, and ex's aren't heartless. However you're fresh out of the relationship. You'll be expecting something back that you may not receive. She could most likely respond "Thanks!" and it's done and you'll feel cruddy. Or, she could feel awkward since you're her ex and there's some weird "we're not together anymore" feeling that kind of lingers after a breakup, like a bad aftertaste. So honestly, I'd just wait til her next birthday rolls around if you feel so inclined. But sit this one out, you're healing. 2
KCCK Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 The answer to your question is a simple NO.. nothing will change and if she did reply or does not reply at all, you will feel even miserable because you are expecting her to tell you that she wants to be together again which is something that will never happen since everything is still so fresh... even those in your circle who knows you both asked u not to text her and yet you are still unsure what to do ...
pickflicker Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 If you were a few months out and healed, I'd say go for it. Nothing wrong with a "Happy Birthday!" message. So long as it's neutral and brief. Everyone likes a greeting on their special day, and ex's aren't heartless. However you're fresh out of the relationship. You'll be expecting something back that you may not receive. She could most likely respond "Thanks!" and it's done and you'll feel cruddy. Or, she could feel awkward since you're her ex and there's some weird "we're not together anymore" feeling that kind of lingers after a breakup, like a bad aftertaste. So honestly, I'd just wait til her next birthday rolls around if you feel so inclined. But sit this one out, you're healing. Choosing not to send your ex a text on their birthday is not heartless, it's smart. Screw what they think, they're in the past.
Author cybclimb Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 That's what bother's me about sending the the text. Its still too raw. In due time when all is healed, then I would have to resume friendship with her. Right now I am working on myself and applying to grad school for Fall. I'm about to take GRE also and I'm working full time so really I'm swamped. The pain is motivating me to aim higher and pursue the career that I want. In the long run, I might have to thank her for breaking up with me, lol.
FailedFirstLove Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 WHY????? What do you achieve by doing that? Do share with us please. cause it'd ready and was just sitting there... I don't really want to see It either. And he gave me the present he got me over Christmas even when we weren't together. He told me to just take it. Doesn't even need yo know it's from me
pickflicker Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 cause it'd ready and was just sitting there... I don't really want to see It either. And he gave me the present he got me over Christmas even when we weren't together. He told me to just take it. Doesn't even need yo know it's from me Return it. Give it to charity. Throw it out. Stop making excuses to make contact.
Recovered Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 To Cybclimb: As everyone else has said, NO! Every situation is different. Maintaining civil relations with ex's isn't necessarily a horrible thing. Even in the midst of breakup no-contact, a courtesy sms on a birthday can be ok. But your case sounds pretty different. There's no reason. cause it'd ready and was just sitting there... I don't really want to see It either. And he gave me the present he got me over Christmas even when we weren't together. He told me to just take it. Doesn't even need yo know it's from me NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOO! The fact you're thinking about the present in April and on this forum writing about it is already a bad sign. To go ahead and give it to him will just prolong your bad feelings and postpone your eventual recovery. Forget about the present; as someone else said, give it away, throw it away, whatever... but get rid of it asap. And focus on the only thing that matters: YOU. Focus on YOU and YOUR needs, on YOUR future. Good luck!
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