tigerdog Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) Okay so I'm moving out of the country in a few weeks to somewhere halfway around the world. I'm still not sure when. I'm waiting for my visa to get approved and then my company will have my fly out 2-3 days later. I put my profile up for online dating and made it clear I wont be there till late Feb. My visa should be approved before March. Anyway, this guy messaged me and we have a ridiculous amount in common. As a result we've been writing each other 2 page messages every other day. It's been fun but maybe I've been hanging around forums too much, since I'm wondering if this is not a good idea to be talking so much. I'm fortunately not emotionally investing too much since I'm so busy with the move anyway, but now only use the site to primarily communicate with him. He made it very clear he's open for friendship or a relationship. I've made it clear since I'm new to the country and know 0 people there, that I'm down for friendship or a relationship. He asked me if I'd like to meet up when I arrive, and I said of course. I'm just wondering if anyone has any experiences writing massive messages to people before meeting them? What do you think of it? Is it generally a bad idea? Honestly, we have so much in common that we keep talking about the same subjects over a series of messages and it's genuinely very enjoyable to talk to him, so I really doubt this is a situation where we wont have anything to talk about when we meet. Just sometimes it feels silly writing such long messages to someone I have never met, kind of like a pen pal, but we met on a dating site which is what's making me wonder if this is odd. Edited February 10, 2014 by tigerdog
nomadic_butterfly Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Okay so I'm moving out of the country in a few weeks to somewhere halfway around the world. I'm still not sure when. I'm waiting for my visa to get approved and then my company will have my fly out 2-3 days later. I put my profile up for online dating and made it clear I wont be there till late Feb. My visa should be approved before March. Anyway, this guy messaged me and we have a ridiculous amount in common. As a result we've been writing each other 2 page messages every other day. It's been fun but maybe I've been hanging around forums too much, since I'm wondering if this is not a good idea to be talking so much. I'm fortunately not emotionally investing too much since I'm so busy with the move anyway, but now only use the site to primarily communicate with him. He made it very clear he's open for friendship or a relationship. I've made it clear since I'm new to the country and know 0 people there, that I'm down for friendship or a relationship. He asked me if I'd like to meet up when I arrive, and I said of course. I'm just wondering if anyone has any experiences writing massive messages to people before meeting them? What do you think of it? Is it generally a bad idea? Honestly, we have so much in common that we keep talking about the same subjects over a series of messages and it's genuinely very enjoyable to talk to him, so I really doubt this is a situation where we wont have anything to talk about when we meet. Just sometimes it feels silly writing such long messages to someone I have never met, kind of like a pen pal, but we met on a dating site which is what's making me wonder if this is odd. Well considering you will be there very soon, I don't see the harm; worst case you will have someone to show you around and just be friends. Only if you have some hiccup with your visa where it becomes unclear when your "liaison" will materialize into real life should you be concerned. I've made a good amount of friends from online sites but I didn't initially intend on "just being friends." They were cool people but for one reason or another, a relationship wasn't plausible so I can't say to rule it out the possibility; I'm only suspicious of people that specifically go on a dating site looking for "friends" of the opposite sex b/c to me it just screams "I am just looking for booty calls or FWB."
kart180 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I say go for it. Write the long emails. Try and bulid a profile od his likes and dislikes. If you do meet him make sure it's in a public place and if you can bring a friend. I gave on online dating a year ago. Still have my OKCupid profile but never check it.
Thegreatestthing Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I think it's wonderful and romantic,like letter writing in days of old,just great. I have written to someone on and off for a year and met them and it was off the charts wonderful,but yes I suppose it can build some expectation but meeting them straight away can have the same downfall because they weren't your match anyway . kOkay so I'm moving out of the country in a few weeks to somewhere halfway around the world. I'm still not sure when. I'm waiting for my visa to get approved and then my company will have my fly out 2-3 days later. I put my profile up for online dating and made it clear I wont be there till late Feb. My visa should be approved before March. Anyway, this guy messaged me and we have a ridiculous amount in common. As a result we've been writing each other 2 page messages every other day. It's been fun but maybe I've been hanging around forums too much, since I'm wondering if this is not a good idea to be talking so much. I'm fortunately not emotionally investing too much since I'm so busy with the move anyway, but now only use the site to primarily communicate with him. He made it very clear he's open for friendship or a relationship. I've made it clear since I'm new to the country and know 0 people there, that I'm down for friendship or a relationship. He asked me if I'd like to meet up when I arrive, and I said of course. I'm just wondering if anyone has any experiences writing massive messages to people before meeting them? What do you think of it? Is it generally a bad idea? Honestly, we have so much in common that we keep talking about the same subjects over a series of messages and it's genuinely very enjoyable to talk to him, so I really doubt this is a situation where we wont have anything to talk about when we meet. Just sometimes it feels silly writing such long messages to someone I have never met, kind of like a pen pal, but we met on a dating site which is what's making me wonder if this is odd. 1
deathandtaxes Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Lengthy e-mail exchanges before meeting up is almost generally a bad idea. Too many expectations about each other are built up that will just not be met. You are only seeing this narrow one-sided view of the other person - the side that can write an e-mail. You say you're not emotionally investing too much, but you really are. Nobody writes two-page e-mails just because. Don't fool yourself. But good luck anyways!
FitChick Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) Treat him as a friend since that is all he is at this point. By the time you get there, you will be very close friends and be instantly comfortable. If there is physical attraction you could have an instant relationship. Talk to him on the phone a few times before you meet, because you will get a better sense of him. He will also be very helpful on a practical level with your move and getting situated. This sounds like Fate is bringing you new and unexpected love. I hope you aren't going to Hong Kong, though. A friend of mine moved there for work and she said the Chinese girls are doormats and will do anything for a man, especially a foreigner. Unfair competition! She can't wait to move back to the US. Edited February 10, 2014 by FitChick
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I think it's better obviously to meet up as soon as you get chance, but if you literally don't have the opportunity yet I see nothing but good in the long e-mail exchanges, as long as it's not to the detriment of your daily life. You get to find out lots about one another, and at the very least you may have made a new friend... at the very, very least you've spent some pleasurable hours interacting with somebody new. As long as you don't pin your hopes on the guy or believe you're getting to know the 'real him' it can enrich your life! I've had friends/dates that I've spoken to for months, a couple of years even before finally being in the same country to meet and it has always been wonderful. I guess it depends on how you see online interaction. A few months back I met a guy online from a different continent, we won't be able to meet until the end of this year at the earliest if he moves here for work (this was planned before we began talking) so although we would have probably tried to date if we were in the same country it is just pure friendship (I have also met someone I began a relationship with too, since I started speaking to him). Whether I ever meet him or not I've really enjoyed getting to know a new friend and learning all about one another and as fake as internet friendships can be, for what it is, it has been lovely. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Honestly, we have so much in common that we keep talking about the same subjects over a series of messages and it's genuinely very enjoyable to talk to him, so I really doubt this is a situation where we wont have anything to talk about when we meet. As long as you enjoy it and don't let your hopes build up too high over someone who is essentially a stranger, I see no problem with it. It's basically a step up from writing in your diary - you're expressing whatever you're thinking and feeling about your points of connection with this guy, showing curiosity about him. I think it sounds very healthy and fun.
Author tigerdog Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Thanks so much for all your feedback! This was really helpful. FitChick... it's a move to Australia, not China so I should be fine in that regard. And yes, I'll be realistic and remember that I wont meet the real person until I'm physically there in a few weeks. Oh and deathandtaxes I was saying I wasn't emotionally investing just because of how busy I am. I've emotionally invested in a guy once before meeting them and know the difference. There's so many things on my mind that thinking about this guy just isn't really the first thing in my head. Even when I get there I'll be focused on my new job and a new apartment, that ultimately if it doesn't work out and we don't even hit it off as friends, I doubt it will be a real disappointment. Anyway, I'll keep happily messaging along. It truly is quite fun! Thanks everyone! 1
Shosh Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Hi Tiger, I hope you don't mind if I give you some unsolicited advice. I've been in your situation a few times, moved to a foreign country where I did not know a soul prior to arriving there and met a guy very soon after I arrived. The mistake I made was letting him be my only social outlet (meaning out of work he was the only person I hung out with) this was very bad for our relationship as it applied to much pressure to him and us, and it only lasted a few months. My advice is to make sure you build a social network outside of him. One site I've found really helpful is Meetup.com. Unfortunately not every place has meetup groups, but they might have something similar. Whether it works out with this guy or you meet someone else, make sure you don't spend the majority of your free time hanging out with him, but only dedicate part of it to him. If you don't it will be even harder if you break up a few months down the line. Good luck, I am sure the move to Australia will be very exciting!
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