SunnyB Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Hello All, This is my first post, so thank you for reading. I will try to keep this as short as possible. I am 34, pregnant with my first child with my ex who I did not date for long. 6 months to be exact. He is a few years younger than me. At my age, I should know better, so it's embarrassing to have to turn to strangers for advice, but I don't know what else to do. I appreciate input. When we met, he was just out of a long term relationship but really pursued me and we hit it off so well that I really thought this was a good thing. I met his friends, and family, went on trips with him, saw him a few times a week, and really fell hard for him. After 6 months of dating, I wanted to get a better idea of where we were headed, if anywhere. We were exclusive, but he is in the military and was going to be leaving for up to a year, so I wanted to see what was going to happen while he was gone. I wanted to maintain communication and pick up where we left off when he got back. So, I asked him how he felt about that and felt like I was stabbed in the heart when I got an answer to the effect of "A year is a long time and I like you, but I don't see myself in a relationship for a long time". Ouch. I was crushed. There were some signs that he was losing interest such as not calling as much, going several days without talking, etc., but our time together was so amazing, that I thought maybe he just didn't want too much pressure. He never was the kind to be a phone person and really initiate things. Plus, he is a super laidback guy. He doesn't like a lot of fuss, takes things one day at a time. I tend to be more fussy and impatient, but I knew early on I really loved this man, so I asked him where we were headed. So, after our talk, I realized that we weren't anything close to what I thought and I was much more invested. I ended things after several days of thought and to tell you the truth, I was really angry. Even after he said he didn't see us in a relationship, he asked me to go away for a weekend with his friend and his friend's wife. Like a couples retreat of sorts. I just felt a lot of mixed signals. One month later, I discovered I was pregnant. Needless to say, he was not happy and told me I was on my own. So, I made the decision to raise my baby and move on. Because I was so focused on the baby and getting my life in order, I didn't think much of him, but 4 months later, he came back around and said he changed his mind and wanted to be a part of the baby's life. He doesn't love me. Doesn't want a relationship with me, but wants to be there for her. This is where things get hard. I love this man and it kills me that he doesn't care about me. He doesn't call to check and see if the baby is ok, if I have had any ultrasounds or if things are going well. He doesn't ask if I need anything or if there is anything he can do. I get that we aren't together, but it seriously hurts like hell that I am absolutely nothing to him. I know it isn't about me, it's about the baby and I should be happy that he even says he wants to be involved, but does he? He doesn't help me with money to buy her things, doesn't want to be there when she is born, only talks to me when I initiate like sending him ultrasound pictures or giving him an update, and doesn't want visitation with her. He wants to just see how things go and if he can really even handle being a father. I have a great system of friends and family, but still feel so alone and as much as he is coming across like a total jerk, it just really hurts me that he cannot see that what he is doing is killing me and is potentially hurtful to our baby. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What can I do to move on? I get butterflies when I hear his name and people talk about him to me, followed by this intense feeling of wanting to cry my eyes out.
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