Inflikted Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 As a guy who's 25, and has never dated or been in a relationship or anything at all, I find myself stuck on feelings for someone. See, as it is, I very rarely find myself feeling attracted to girls, which is depressing enough. Two summers ago, though, I met an amazing girl. She literally had every single quality I've ever wanted in a partner, and so many little idiosyncrasies that I just loved so much about her. Even her flaws were things that didn't deter me. I'd never state anyone as objectively "perfect", but she was just such an amazing match for me, better than I thought I'd ever find. And, of course, she didn't reciprocate any interest in me. Worse than that, I had to sit by and watch her chase after guys that just didn't seem like good matches for her, guys who ended up hurting her. And now, she's pretty much out of my life completely. Yet, through all the heartache, I just couldn't move on and let go of my feelings. Even with her gone, now, I constantly think about her, and I just miss her so much. So much that it almost hurts physically... I just... don't really know what to do with myself. It's so rare for me to be attracted to a girl as it is, then I find the proverbial needle in the haystack, I had the winning lottery ticket right in front of my face, but I don't get to actually have it. And now I'm back to having to wonder if I'll ever be able to "win the lottery" ever again, and actually get the prize.
k10k Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Just keep a positive mindset.. what you think if what you feel, and what you fear is what you attract.. so no use looking at life from perspective of lack.. Of course you will win the lottery one day, there are many many wonderful people in the world, and at the age of only 25, time is most certainly on your side
Author Inflikted Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Yeah, I just wish it wasn't so hard for me to get her out of my head. No matter what I'm doing or how hard I try not to think of her, she's always in the back of my mind. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her a lot. She was just... everything I've ever wanted in a person. I feel like any other girl I could possibly meet in the future will only ever be "second place" in comparison, and I don't want second place. :/
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Thanks for that.... See, I'm married, but if I had even the remotest suspicion that someone was comparing me to an ideal, you had actually never even dated, that would make me feel pretty insulted. So first of all, quit comparing. Every human being has wonderful individual, unique qualities. And you are passing them up for an idea of something you never even got a chance to sample. Do you see how dumb that actually is?
Author Inflikted Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Thanks for that.... See, I'm married, but if I had even the remotest suspicion that someone was comparing me to an ideal, you had actually never even dated, that would make me feel pretty insulted. So first of all, quit comparing. And that's why I'm not trying harder to actively "date around", because I don't want to put anyone in that position. Every human being has wonderful individual, unique qualities. And you are passing them up for an idea of something you never even got a chance to sample. Do you see how dumb that actually is? Well, yes, and I feel bad for that, but my personal sense of attraction is very narrow. I don't "dislike" girls, but the vast majority of them that I encounter just don't pique my interest in a "more than friends" kind of way. I'm not saying I need to be head over heels for someone before I want to date them, but I need SOME level of attraction to them; I just can't get behind the idea of dating random girls that I feel nothing for and hoping that I'll eventually learn to love one of them. This girl I'm attached to just seemed like the most perfect match for me within reason. When we were first getting to know each other, we had so many conversations that went in the "Oh my god, I do the same thing/ think the same thing/ feel the same way!" direction. It felt like something out of one of those romantic comedy movies, the way we hit it off. Except, our story didn't have a happy ending... What I had with her is exactly what I want, it's what I'm looking for, it's what I spent many unsuccessful years looking for prior to meeting her. I want someone that I'm "kindred spirits" with, and she's the only person I've ever felt this way about. I don't want to just find a girl that's cute, and nice, and lets me have sex with her; I want a girl that I actually connect with and have good chemistry with, but thus far, that's been a "once in a lifetime" event, and I find it extremely difficult to have faith in being able to find that again, let alone in a situation where it actually works out.
Author Inflikted Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 I found out last night that today would've been the last possible day I could've seen this girl one more time. I'm bumming out super hard right now. For a lot of different reasons. For one, I'm obviously not there with her, today, so I don't even have a chance to say goodbye or say any last parting words. Then there's the fact that I've seen her so very infrequently over the last couple months that I don't even really remember what the last thing I said to her was, or anything like that. The "hopeless romantic" in me wishes I could go over there tonight and make some kind of nice gesture or "speech" that might change things, but the "realist" in me knows that there's nothing I could say or do to change anything, and that not only would me trying be silly and wishy-washy, but it would probably anger her, and I don't want that to be the last thing she remembers about me... Then there's a part of me that desperately wishes I could go back in time to change things. I wish I could undo me having asked her out; at least then, we might be friends right now, and we would still hang out and talk even after she's gone. What I wouldn't give for more time with her... Then, there's part of me that wishes I could go back even further and prevent myself from meeting her at all; because then, I wouldn't be going through any of this. I dunno... I just feel awful right now, and I think I'm about to hit a new low, as far as "rock bottom" goes. I just feel like I'm being tortured right now, knowing today was the last day I could've ever spent any time with her, and knowing that I'll never see her again.
Author Inflikted Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 So, yesterday was the last day I expect I'll ever see her again. It hasn't quite hit me just yet, because I'm still in the mindset of "I'll see her again next week", like I've grown accustomed to for the last several months; once it sinks in that she's really gone, though, I think I'm going to crash pretty hard... I did work up the courage to say some parting words to her yesterday. I told her I still wanted to stay in touch, and that I'd leave it up to her, and I gave her my number. And I told her that, if I didn't hear from her again, that I wanted to let her know I'm happy I got to know her for as long as I did. Overall, she didn't react negatively at all, in any way, but I'd still wager a bet that I'll never actually hear from her. On some level, I almost wish I'd never met this girl; and I don't mean that in a mean, malicious way. Rather, having known her has made it even more difficult for me to wrap my head around the idea of dating. This girl literally had every single quality I've ever wanted in a partner; it's like, I got a brief glimpse of "the best", but couldn't actually have it, and now I have to make due with what I can, and that just sucks. Heck, I don't know this for a fact, but I *think* this one girl that goes to the same school as me has some kind of little thing for me, but I just don't care enough to even want to bother asking her out. I mean, she's okay, but... that's just it. She's just "okay". I'm tired of "okay". I don't want "okay". I want the girl I've had feelings for for the last couple of years. I want someone exactly like her. So now I'm stuck on this idea of only wanting "the best", but in reality, that means that I'm probably going to spend the rest of my life alone, looking for some imaginary woman that probably doesn't even exist. v_v
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