Author LillyP Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to comment and advise. More details - he has not had very many girlfriends and only recently has the confidence to ask women out. Probably thanks to me and my encouragement. So I think he wants to know what it is like 'out there'. From conversations that we had throughout our relationship and afterward I know he appreciates a slimmer woman. We fought in the end so there were other reasons. But they are not insurmountable and I believe he knows this too. I feel the weight was the biggest reason. (not pun intended)
soccerrprp Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Why could she have not lost those 100 lbs for him when she was his gf...did she not want to be her best for him. People often say the person they get with after transforming their physique is better and not as shallow as their ex, but they don't really know that until the 100 lbs come back on. Maybe her new partner is a batter catch (thanks to her new svelte figure improving her prospects) and maybe she now tries harder to stay in shape to please him too. Not looking for an answer..just saying its not so B&W. This is a reasonable question. I would suspect that there were conditions in play that prevented her from losing the weight while in that relationship. He wasn't as vocal or honest. He wasn't as supportive in other areas of the relationship leading to depression, lack of drive to change. He wasn't committed to physical change, healthy eating thus not the environment conducive to change for her....not so black & white.
Versacehottie Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Well, I believe in exploring stuff especially in your situation. So I would get in contact with him & make plans to see him BUT don't mention anything & talk to him about getting back together. If only to see his reaction and how it makes you feel. If you still have feelings for him, check it out. BUT, and it's a BIG BUT, I would be extremely cautious and slow and protective about the whole thing. First, as someone said above, her friend did similar thing with losing weight and met a much better guy afterward. Maybe having feelings for your ex or getting back together, is a way of proving you are/were good enough. And that is a tough way to go through a relationship (then or now). If he was dating you before at a heavier weight, presumably he was into you enough to not have it be an issue and maybe you have assumed incorrectly that weight was reason you two broke up. I tend to believe that if a couple has dated for a reasonable amount of time yet still end up broken up, it's a combo of factors rather than just one. I'm guessing if you get the reaction you want from him (wow, you look great), you may not really even WANT to be back with him. But do yourself the favor of being very careful to go back to something where you may always feel judged about your looks and the insecurity surrounding all that (i'm not even saying he has done that to you but it's your pattern together). The best scenario I think for you will be to have a clean slate with someone new who can see you inside and out for the amazing person you are and you can be fully confident from the beginning. Good luck!
Author LillyP Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Versacehhottie. Thank you for that response. I have just read over my last reply and realized that it was peppered with typos. Escuse them please. I just wonder how different men are from women in these curcumstances. I had an amazing male friend who was into me and I adored him but I was not attracted. He changed his appearance so much that he could have been a male model. But I was still not attracted to him. But he was being pursued by beautiful women who were. Not sure if that is typical of all women or just how I feel. It's like if it is on, it's on. If it is off. It's always off. Wonder if men can reignite a sexual attraction after it has been lost? I have never seen that happen.
soccerrprp Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Versacehhottie. Thank you for that response. I have just read over my last reply and realized that it was peppered with typos. Escuse them please. I just wonder how different men are from women in these curcumstances. I had an amazing male friend who was into me and I adored him but I was not attracted. He changed his appearance so much that he could have been a male model. But I was still not attracted to him. But he was being pursued by beautiful women who were. Not sure if that is typical of all women or just how I feel. It's like if it is on, it's on. If it is off. It's always off. Wonder if men can reignite a sexual attraction after it has been lost? I have never seen that happen. LillyP, I think you're right about this. I think women are different for the most part. Women tend to be more emotionally connected and wired, so physical needs are not as defined as it is for men. This is why women, in my experience, care less about a man's body than men to of women's. Men are more visually oriented, so we like what we see in front of us. If you were heavy before and now looking smokin' hot, I'm (men) are going to want to get a piece of the new HOT you despite the breakup.
kaylan Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 ^Lol....please talk to more women, and please do more thread searches. Plenty of women complain about their guy letting himself go and them ending up attracted to a new guy. Plenty of gals like seeing something hot in front of them. You know how men fall into the trap of letting themselves go? By underestimating the physical desires and needs of women and feeling as if the emotional connection will be enough. Trust me, we ALL need to stay in sexy shape for our partners...not just the women. 2
Chocolat Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 A wife is supposed to stand by her cancer-stricken husband, but if the woman gains 30 pounds, he gets a free pass to leave, because she let herself go? These are not analogous. Having cancer is not a choice. "Letting [oneself] go" (your words) is.
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