xxlostlovexx Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 so first ill start by saying i know we were TECHNICALLY broken up. but first he tells me it was one time and because of being so messed up! then he tells me it was actually a few times. so thats why maybe im worried it happened right before we split and thats why he broke it off? maybe im just reading into it as he swears it never happened until we split. he still feels like he cheated because his heart still in fact belonged to me. SO. my BF and i have been together 2 years. ive known him since he was 16. we became close almost best friends a year prior to dating. i was in a bad controlling marriage. we were ONLY friends... nothing more. when i left my husband for being so controlling and abusive. we ended up starting things. this man is like no man ive ever met. ever been with. he makes me feel FEEL like im his whole world. like hed die without me in his life. hed do anything for me. and my happiness was his and vice versa. things got rough around october. we were forced to live with his parents because someone bought the house we were renting. we lived in a SMALL town where really all anyone does is sleep around, drink non stop, and oh my god the drugs!. my BF is not a player by any means. hes been with not many girls. he IS an addict, his family does it, hisfriends do it. and they all act like its just normal to be doing thses drugs all the time! he however was off of them for about a year and a half. he says its because he didnt have me before to keep him sane. anyway. he started acting odd. getting nose bleeds....sweaty... yeah. i knew what was up but he said he wasnt and would just get upset. tell tail sign i suppose. i guess it got where hed been using way too much and well he started yelling screaming at me. saying some really hurtful things one minute then totally normal the next. finally i was trying to explain to him that he didnt come to my work to help me anymore (before he'd be by my side every single night and only wanted to spend time with me) and how he was always out with friends at their house until i got done( bad influences) he completely flipped out and left me at work. he came back but told me that i act like its all him and i act like he's replaceable ( i will admitt i may have taken him for granted, maybe i was bitchy alot more because i was stressed out and we were having much less sex.) maybe i did push him away. i beg him to stay with me but he says he needs a night away and stays at his friends. i didnt sleep all night. we talked the next day and he was willing to be ok and work it out. then that night he takes me back to his house and tells me hes staying another night away!! i just couldnt believe he was wanting to be apart when just a month prior he couldnt handle me leaving for a day! he ended up coming home that night because i text him memories of us and how much i wish he was home. he said he was stupid and just kept thinking of the bad times not all the good. the next couple days i tried to be catering to him (maybe too much) it blew up in my face and he said that i needed to just act normal. i was scared to lose him though! then he shows up at my work with friends and he's super cute with me, teasing and stuff. before he came the friend he stayed with was there i asked him if hed stayed to be with another girl(because id been in relationships where ppl cheated before) he said absolutly not. but i asked about drugs and he got so quiet so i knew he was on them. next thing i know they all go for a ride and he comes back mad at me. the guy told him i asked and he hated me for it! he says i betrayed his trust. he even ran outside and wouldnt stop threw the car keys at me i begged him to stay and he said hes staying at the friends again.... i was devastated, so his friends GF told me to take a couple nights away and he'll miss me and some back. so i did. he did text and beg me to come home but i wouldnt bc i thought he needed the space and hed miss me and realize hes being crazy. it back fired, he left for a trip we were all suppose to go on(his friend, him and the friends GF and another dude took my place.) i stayed at my friends but he told me he wanted to talk when he got home. he came to me and told me he missed me so much and wanted to work it out and apologized. i went to his house that night, we made amazing love he even carried me up the stairs. the next day he was crazy again! i found powder on a mirror and he lies to my face and says its the guys that went on the trip with him! i knew he was lieing. i got my stuff and he screamed that he never wanted to see me again, to get out of his house. he then texts that hes sorry and i didnt deserve that. but then tells me to lose his number? he deletes me from social media....the next night he says i need to get my sht. then in the same breath apologizes again and begs me to come see him the next day. i do. he says he wants to be with me but is soooo wishy washy. im moving and ask him to come, but he says he can't he cries alot and holds me and tells me he loves me but can't and is confused.... we say goodbye. at this point i cry every night. i just cant believe this man who cant be without me for a day without texting me and wanting me home can just end a year and a half relationship? this isnt him. i dont understand. three weeks pass. im in contact only once or twice and he just states that hes no good for me, he loves me and always will and cries everyday....but is moving out of state...im heart broken. i finally hear from him after 3 weeks. he texts a sad face and then texts that he misses me. we text like this for days... he texts me every minute... finally he asks if he can come see me. i tell him yes. he comes and looks me in the eye and cries, he says im lost without you... idont know what i was thinking, it was the biggest mistake of my whole life letting you go. youre the only girl for me and i love you. we talk and talk and i finally give in because i know he does love me. he admitts to relapsing and you can tell hes off of it all. hes normal again. soo. then he tells me he was with a girl while we were apart and it shatters me. he says i never meant to hurt you i never meant to betray you, it was a mistake, she means nothing to me it was just sex, i was completely wasted and messed up...turns out its the girl who told me to stay away to get him back!! after a few days i tell him that i still love him, he doesnt understand why i do. and is very remorseful for hurting me, he says he'll do anything to make it right, to make me happy. it turns out it was more than one time(which i dont understand if it meant nothing how you do it more than once!) im trying to put it out of my head. i know he loves me. but i keep wondering if he did how could he hop in the sack with someone else so quickly? am i fatter(shes a friggen twig and he always said he loves my boobs and hips...) am i less fun, am i uglier? why? why would he do this... when i ask these Q's he says he doesnt know why...that it meant nothing and hes so sorry he hurt me it kills him that he hurt the one person who loves and cares for him the most. what do i do? how do i get the images of her and him out of my head! hes still in the other state but is coming home to be with me soon, its really hard to move past the worrying and crazy ness of this with him gone. he is doing everything he can to make things right...as best he can far away..i know he was lost... i know that he was a different man while under the influence because i could see it... i just need support and help getting to a better point.
Author xxlostlovexx Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 wow! sorry about how long this is
kalimata Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) Lostlove, Here is what I suggest: 1) First of all you seem to be in a relationship with a guy who is frankly a loser. He uses drugs, sleeps around with multiple women and doesn't seem to have any respect for you. 2) You have gotten out of an abusive relationship in the past. Getting involved with this guy who is abusing drugs does not seem to be a wise thing. Do you have any kids? How old are you? How old is BF? Do you have a steady job? If you get married to this guy, keep in mind that you will probably have to support him for the rest of his life, even if he is unemployed and continues to abuse drugs (ie ALIMONY). Edited February 10, 2014 by kalimata
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