drearydream Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I've been dating a guy for about three years now. I wanted to lose my virginity to him. But so far, it hasn't happened because I never felt like he wanted to make love. Whenever we would talk about it, he would refer to it with the "f" word and say he wants to do me and it sounded like he was just focused on the physical. Also, whenever we would hook up (we usually go to third base), he tended to be very rough and dirty and focused on getting off and I just felt like he cared more about the physical aspects rather than emotional. He claimed being dirty and physical was a way of being emotional for him, and I completely understand that. But still, I didn't feel much love or passion, didn't feel like he wanted to be close and connect on an intimate level, it felt like he just cared about getting off. I know he does love me, he does get emotional with me when we are cuddling, and other non-hookup times. But it goes away when we hook up. Sometimes if I try to be emotional while hooking up he stops because his boner goes away and he can't get off from that. So all this time I really wanted to make love with him, more than anything, and I was just waiting until I felt that he wanted to make love with me too. But it hasn't happened and now I need to know, is it possible that maybe some guys don't care about making love, and he is one of them? Or have I made a big mistake and expected too much?
Author drearydream Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 anyone? really looking for some insight here
Els Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 It is possible, I think. But that doesn't mean that you should put up with it if his sexual preferences are so greatly at odds with your own. It is not too much to want a compatible partner who views sex the same way you do. I know 3 years is a long time, but in your place I would chalk it down to a learning experience and move on. You have tried communication and patience and it changed nothing for 3 years. It isn't going to change in 10 or 30. So cut your losses. 1
Author drearydream Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 It is possible, I think. But that doesn't mean that you should put up with it if his sexual preferences are so greatly at odds with your own. It is not too much to want a compatible partner who views sex the same way you do. I know 3 years is a long time, but in your place I would chalk it down to a learning experience and move on. You have tried communication and patience and it changed nothing for 3 years. It isn't going to change in 10 or 30. So cut your losses. Thanks for your response. I agree if it is true that he just doesn't care about the deeper emotional part of sex then I am ready to let him go. I just wanted to make sure before I do anything though. Because some people, in the past, have told me that as long as you have feelings for someone, sex will be emotional, and they couldn't comprehend how it could be possible to love someone and not want to make love. So I don't want to let him go on the assumption that he doesn't care about making love if that isn't even true..so I just want to make sure before doing this big step.
Els Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Thanks for your response. I agree if it is true that he just doesn't care about the deeper emotional part of sex then I am ready to let him go. I just wanted to make sure before I do anything though. Because some people, in the past, have told me that as long as you have feelings for someone, sex will be emotional, and they couldn't comprehend how it could be possible to love someone and not want to make love. So I don't want to let him go on the assumption that he doesn't care about making love if that isn't even true..so I just want to make sure before doing this big step. Well, to be fair, it doesn't necessarily reflect his feelings towards you, although it might. Personally, we do both 'types' - the emotionally-driven romantic encounters and the kinkier, rough BDSM. But I couldn't be with someone who could ONLY do rough. I wager you can't either. So that pretty much answers the question, I guess. 1
joystickd Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Damn 3 years!! This guy is in love but more than likely dying for some actual intercourse. Maybe he has never had the experience of making love with someone and only experienced f**king. Have you considered what you are asking is a big adjustment for him too? Maybe you two could meet halfway. You both could find ways to satisfy each other's needs. Being emotional while getting a BJ can be a little bit of a turnoff. In his mind it's probably so focused on the act itself it's hard to be emotional. Have you ever really communicated what you both want sexually? At this point you both should have been in tune with each other's needs but it sounds like you haven't fully communicated it. At least he isn't singing this
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