TF1975 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 So my girlfriend of a month sends me a text saying she needs to talk to me. She won't say why, but asks if she can call me on her lunch break. I flat out ask if she is breaking up with me. She responds, "no." To say this has been a tumultuous relationship is putting it mildly. We've had our shares of ups and downs, but I do love her. All I get told is that she has been doing some thinking and she needs to talk to me. So I have to sit here and wait for the next 60-plus minutes freaking out about what it could mean. Without going into a great deal of detail, when a woman says she needs to talk to you and that's she not breaking up with you...all I can think is one thing-- she is going to give me the "I need space" talk, which is analogous to breaking up. She has been distant all day in our texts. I really don't want to lose this relationship, but I am fearful that it's one of two things, which are really the same thing. Anyone else have any ideas what it could mean?
organizedchaos Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 She wants to take a break. It's technically not a break up, but yeah, it is a break up.
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 A month is not very long... if you're tumultuous within a month, consider it a blessing in disguise if she wants to end it. 7
Author TF1975 Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 I don't know what else it could be. I guess I can do one of two things....cry about it or take it like a man and get drunk.
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I don't know what else it could be. I guess I can do one of two things....cry about it or take it like a man and get drunk. Dude, it's been a month... 3
mammasita Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I hate that ****. Why be dramatic....why couldn't she just wait until her break and talk to you instead of telling you an hour in advance leaving you on pins and needles. But yeah, your share of ups and downs in a month? The first 3 months should be sunshine and butterflies. 4
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 All I can say is this: George W. Bush, Barack Obama and a warmongering government should be tried for war crimes for what they have done to our troops. They share a lot of blame in this and a lot of other failed relationships because of the damage they've done to people. Goddamn them. Err... what?
Author TF1975 Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Yeah, it has been a month. But in that month, we have shared a lot of our lives, both the good and the bad. I'm not usually one to get crazy about someone so quickly, but this relationship felt different. It truly did. Or, shall I say, it does feel different. I guess I should have known that when it comes to relationships, be it a month or 3 years, I damned. Some of us are just meant to be alone.
mammasita Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Well don't jump to conclusions yet. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Let us know how it goes.
Author TF1975 Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 No, I'm not already drunk. In fact, I don't drink. I was trying to make the point that people who have had to live through the atrocities of war -- be it Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, wherever -- have to live with a lot of guilt and often PTSD (you know, post-traumatic stress disorder) and it affects their relationships with other people. In this case, it's obvious that what she went through affected her.
Author TF1975 Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 No, she's not pregnant. I know this for a fact.
HokeyReligions Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 A month and shes doing this to you? Thats awful. Have some dignity and text her right now and tell her its over. Work on loving being single and alone. Millions of people are happier that way. You could be too.
HappyLove Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 All I can say is this: George W. Bush, Barack Obama and a warmongering government should be tried for war crimes for what they have done to our troops. They share a lot of blame in this and a lot of other failed relationships because of the damage they've done to people. Goddamn them. You are sounding hella crazy right now. You need to calm down. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 No, I'm not already drunk. In fact, I don't drink. I was trying to make the point that people who have had to live through the atrocities of war -- be it Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, wherever -- have to live with a lot of guilt and often PTSD (you know, post-traumatic stress disorder) and it affects their relationships with other people. In this case, it's obvious that what she went through affected her. OP. With all due respect, I think you're being quite dramatic. You've been with the girl for just a few weeks. It went from "we need to talk" to some short rant about PTSD. These are very different topics; I'm sure you can see how trying to connect these dots is rather...unreasonable. Take a deep breath and don't twist yourself into knots. 1
Gaeta Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I am echoing the others, you are not suppose to have ups and downs in a month dating, no matter how much time you spent together. It's too much drama for it to last.
Noproblem Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I don't care if they are friends, strangers, or any other creature on the planet "We need to talk, or I need to talk to you"means to me the ruining of my entire time and major panic attack....I hate itttttttttttttttttttttttt why can't they say why they want without freaking us out and making our heart leaps out of its place! Most of the time, what they really want to say is stupid and silly and doesn't require such attention and bad expectation
mammasita Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I need an update. I know, this is a sad indication of how much I have going on in my life - or lack thereof. I'll admit, I've been thinking about this thread all night. Don't judge me .
FitChick Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 No, she's not pregnant. I know this for a fact. Because you never had sex?
Author TF1975 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 At the risk of embarrassing myself, here's what I was told (and yes, I was partly right): After waiting 4 hours for a call, I got the following message by text: "I drove around all night last night and did a lot of thinking. And I think we have gotten too intense. I can't handle things. I need some space to do some thinking. Also, my ex-boyfriend before you showed up and told me that he found out he has chlamydia and when I got tested this morning, I was positive for it. You should probably get a test, too." And after having that bombshell dropped on me like two 10-megaton nuclear warheads, I was a bit upset, to say the least. We have fought all day and I needed to be with a friend, so I drove to a friend's house to talk (and yes, this is a female friend, but we are just friends), she got so mad at me for that and accused me of being a liar, a cheat, a fraud and pretty much everything you can imagine. She told me, "you never loved me. It was all lies. Where were you last night when I needed you?" Well, first off, I don't know where you live since you never invited me to your house and you also told me you needed space. In my experience, "I need space" means "I'm too chicken **** to break up with you and just pull off the band-aid and be done with it." But no, she accuses me of not loving her and caring about her and that she was all alone and went and laid on her grandmother's grave until her mom finally found her and threatened to have her committed. Until I finally blocked her from facebook and my phone, she spent all evening tonight blowing my phone up trying to "bait me" into a fight and I finally took the bait when she said she deserved the courtesy of goodbye because she still loved me. I told her that I had truly wanted it to work out, but that my response was perfectly understandable. To be told you may have given me an STD and that you breaking up with me without breaking up, I'm sorry if I don't handle that with the calmest response. I tried to be reasonable and be nice, but she just kept firing bullets at me and telling me how horrible I was because I went to a friend's house because I didn't need to be alone. I was afraid of doing something stupid and needed the support of one of my best friends. I didn't sleep with her or do anything wrong. We just talked and I cried because I thought this girl was different. She had been completely normal until this point and it was like something snapped. And before you ask, no, I didn't use a condom. I don't make a habit of sleeping around and because of my nerve damage from a broken back, it is very difficult for me to use a condom. Regardless of whether or not I test positive for that or any other STD tomorrow, I'm going to have to abstain from sex until if I find a permanent partner. I'm freaking out that it will be more than chlamydia, which is obviously treatable with antibiotics. But I'm scared to death it will be herpes or WORSE. But that's what happened last night. I honestly am starting to think I am cursed when it comes to women. I guess some of us are just meant to be alone for the rest of our lives.
pickflicker Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Alright, I'll bite. Why does nerve damage from a broken back, equal you not being able to use a condom? You knew her a month. It's idiotic to have unprotected sex with someone you've known for roughly the expiry time of a tub of yoghurt. Bad. FYI, if you pulled the "I can't use rubbers because I broke my back once" on me, you'd be going home with blue balls. 4
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Well...stating the obvious, but you're done. Right? She is immature and over-dramatic, and trying to manipulate you and blame-shift because she feels guilty. Going to lie down on Grandma's grave? Girl's got serious issues. Run now. The unprotected sex is on you, though. Very unwise and now you're paying the price, unfortunately. Get tested immediately, and get a full screen: STIs and HIV. You might not make a habit of sleeping around, but that doesn't mean your partners have the same habits. It also doesn't mean diddly squat to an infection.
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