Its OVER, Hes GONE, Its DONE

[Elias33]

Don't give yourself such a hard time. Start treating yourself better and expect the same from others. You are not alone in this. People leave people for other people all the time, it has nothing to do with you. You don't miss him, you miss your perception of him. Remember that.

 

It's better for you to move forward, as you probably have figured out, but don't let it affect your self-esteem. You don't want to be treated like that anyways, just for the sake of being someone. Good luck and stay strong.

[amelady74]

So he told me to leave him alone, that hes seeing someone else ( he is also not claiming her as his GF, but also says we could be friends. I dont think he really wants to be friends but is just saying that to ease his own guilt. Or keep me as a back up plan.

 

Seriously my heart aches everymorning and everyday and everynight. It makes me feel like I am not a worthy person. like if he couldnt love me than either no one else can or I wont love anyone else.... This is not realistic thinking, but I sure feel that way, and to think hes moved on so quickly, ouch it hurts.

[Philosoraptor]

So he told me to leave him alone, that hes seeing someone else ( he is also not claiming her as his GF, but also says we could be friends. I dont think he really wants to be friends but is just saying that to ease his own guilt. Or keep me as a back up plan.

 

Seriously my heart aches everymorning and everyday and everynight. It makes me feel like I am not a worthy person. like if he couldnt love me than either no one else can or I wont love anyone else.... This is not realistic thinking, but I sure feel that way, and to think hes moved on so quickly, ouch it hurts.

And someone who would be willing to make you feel that way is someone you want to be with? Your ego is bruised. He's not worth the suffering. If you truly feel like you couldn't do better than someone who can treat someone this way then you should seek counseling to get your self esteem back on track. No one who bounces around and uses people like this is worth your time or emotion.

[amelady74]

yes I know, my ego is definately bruised. Counseling might help. There is no reason I should have to feel like Im not good enough. Because I know that I am. but in reality all of this is my fault. I let him treat me this way. I let him use me. Its my fault that I feel this way. I should have took all the red flags he gave me, and left them at his feet. but instead I ran with them. I wanna say I am stupid for this. I am book smart, but when it comes to relationships, I am an idiot. I need to recognize those red flags and drop them. I just have to remember that this guy was really not all that. He wasnt.

[amelady74]

Also this is really strange, maybe someone can identify why I feel this way... I feel ok talking to friends. but I do not want to talk to my family about it. I told them what happened, but I am shutting them out. Maybe It because I feel shame that this guy treated me like this and he wasnt the person I said he was. Because I loved him so much and he tossed me aside... anyways, I just dont feel like my family will help. Im pulling away from them, and Im not sure why.

[William]

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[Philosoraptor]

yes I know, my ego is definately bruised. Counseling might help. There is no reason I should have to feel like Im not good enough. Because I know that I am. but in reality all of this is my fault. I let him treat me this way. I let him use me. Its my fault that I feel this way. I should have took all the red flags he gave me, and left them at his feet. but instead I ran with them. I wanna say I am stupid for this. I am book smart, but when it comes to relationships, I am an idiot. I need to recognize those red flags and drop them. I just have to remember that this guy was really not all that. He wasnt.

 

If you want to feel better about this happening then promise yourself you will learn from it and never accept such treatment again. Then understand you can't change the past, so focus on the present and future.

[894hjk]

I was going to say he was bpd like me but now I read your list he just seems to be after sex I'm afraid. Have his cake an eat it.

 

Plus he sounds like a dick and u sound far more up together than him.

 

You would have bored of him easily.

[lovesucks76]

You know what to do. Think logically! I was in a similar situation and I stayed too long because I was absolutely in love with her. In our case, there wasn't someone else, I even believed she loved me but she was emotionally damaged and very hard to understand at times. She never showed me love!

 

I broke up with her about a month ago after we had brunch and she had just given me a beautiful gift ( Ukelele). I also had given her a very thoughtful gift so we were supposedly happy and having fun. I wasn't, I knew she wasn't as into me as I was into her. She had avoided being close so I knew. The idea had been on my mind for 2 weeks. She didn't love me like I loved her. It hurts like hell but its the truth! Well...She hates me now because I took the power away from her when I broke up. I even said "I love you but I can't be in a toxic situation like this, I will suffer for a while but I will be fine". She was livid and was mad when I said I couldn't be friends, not for a long time. Up till then I was the nice guy bending backwards to please her and make things peaceful. I got tired of not being treated as I deserved to be treated so I learned a lesson and I hope you do too from your experience.

 

You know what to do. Stay strong!

[amelady74]

If the situation ended badly, or less than favorable. nasty.

 

I just dont want that to be the last thing he thinks of me and was wondering what people think. Break no contact just to say "i didnt like the way things ended...."

 

... but at the same time I feel like that is exactly what he wants me to do, apologize to him. I feel like he wants me to feel badly, like its my fault or something. Which I feel that is what is strangely compelling me to say something like " IM sorry the way things ended, I hope we can still be friends."

 

But really I know that I cant be his friend. I would like the ending to our relationship to have gone smoother so that MAYBE in the future we would not hate each other.

 

But at the same time I feel I should just remain NC and move on with my life, because he broke up with me, and he should realize that tore me apart. If he cared and wanted to be cool with me, then he will be the one to reach out.

 

Thoughts.

[amelady74]

Why do I feel the need to apologize to him for the way things ended? When he dumped me for someone else?

[LostConfused123]

My guess is because you just got the emotional wind knocked out of you and your emotions are all over the place.

 

At least that's how I felt. I had some pretty crazy and very undignified thoughts. They will pass. You're doing great and you are awesome!

You'll make it through and be glad you didn't act on it.

 

((hugs!!))

[lovesucks76]

Why do I feel the need to apologize to him for the way things ended? When he dumped me for someone else?

 

Because deep down you still hope he will be back in your life. You still have hope!

 

Apologizing doesn't change anything, it is what it is. Look ahead and live for today. Let the past be.

[Philosoraptor]

You continue to look for excuses to make contact. Only make contact if you are happy to continue your sadness and suffering.

 

If you want to end your suffering then focus on you, take care of yourself, and fill your time with happiness... as life is well too short to waste any of it in misery.