Its OVER, Hes GONE, Its DONE

[amelady74]

I really dont understand what he was trying to accomplish. After 5 mo. of seeing each other he told me he didnt want a relationship, but still wanted to see me. However I did want a relationship so I started ignoring him and seeing other people, we were still in contact but I was not paying him much attention. Everyday for the month after he told me he didnt want a relationship hes texting me everyday telling me how much he missed me and wanted me. I could tell he was hurt by the fact I wouldnt give him the time of day but I was out dating other people. I only did this because he told me he didnt want to be with me.

 

So eventually I decided I still had feelings for him and started seeing him again. I had a heavy load and wanted to focus on my school work untill the semester was over. so I told him I could see him in two weeks. he didnt want to wait but he did. Then the holidays hit and I had to go out of town for 3 weeks. The whole time we were still in contact everyday. when I got back into town, he comes over one night is telling me how much he missed me..

 

We have sex, and immediately after he breaks up with me tells me I deserve better, and he just wants to be friends etc... and he leaves.

two days pass and he starts texting me. for another week, on night he wants to come over ( 1 AM) and I tell him no because I had no advanced warning and it was too late. So he then ignores me and I got a little frustrated... the next day he says hes " hurt " with me, and doesnt respond for two days. Then I finally text him to see whats going on.. He super rude... He says " what?" Im like do you want me to leave you alone? him: "please" so im asking him whats going on, and he says " im going through some things right now and need to be alone." Im still asking what? Then he says " Im actually seeing someone else"

 

WTF!? and I freaked out a little on him calling him a player etc... but I was mad, and I think I had a right to be mad. all that came out of nowhere. I was mind blown.

 

What is he trying to accomplish, Does he want me to hate him? Is he trying to make me jealous? Is he doing this to get back at me for what I did before? Is he trying to take in all the power? We havent spoke since then and its been 11 days.

 

The thing is I just dont get how he and I could be just fine (talking everyday) to him all the sudden acting like he wants nothing to do with me. According to him he had only been seeing this girl for a week. But I kinda doubt that.

Either way Im still blown away that he is willing to throw away the entire relationship ( 8 mo of talking to each other every single day).

 

I feel like he was just using me, and he says he wasnt and that he never had other girls on the side. But thats what it feels like to me. I dont understand how someone could do this. If Im not interested in someone, I wouldnt wait for 8 months to tell them. If im not interested in someone I would know withing one month. I wouldnt string them along only to be a total jerk 8 mo. later. I just dont understand what he was trying to do. I guess he wanted me to hate him. I dont think I did anything to make him hate me.

 

Im sad and heartbroken, and I am always thinking of him.

Edited February 9, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[amelady74]

also, I feel like because I freaked out on him after he told me he was seeing someone else two days after breaking up with me, I feel like because I got mad and said things I normally wouldnt have, that its my fault, like I should apologize for freaking out. Im not going to because I know I really dont need to apologize, but at the same time I feel like I do. Its almost as if I already know he is holding that against me and if we ever spoke again, it would be my fault according to him. He doesnt want to take responsibility for anything.

[OhThatGirl]

You don't need to apologize. You need to move on.

 

This guy wanted your attention while he looked elsewhere. The only thing you can do is know where you draw the line with the next relationship.

 

Too much drama. Find someone who wants the same things.

[amelady74]

I am just feeling a bit sad now, because I know that its over, hes gone, its done. I feel that there is no way to salvage this, and that in itself makes me feel so sad. Its aweful to think, but he simple lost interest in me.its been 11 days since we ended, and hes already moved on to seeing someone new. It hurts me so painfully that this is reality.

 

This is what I feel, maybe the reality is completely different, but our ending was so hurtful I thought, that it makes me feel that he wanted me to hate him.

 

But I never wanted to feel that, so betrayed, so used, so unimportant.

 

But this is not how I am. I know I am worthy of being loved, and dont deserve to be treated the way I was. I am important and I dont need to live life hurt, and sad. I am choosing to feel this way. I need to look for joy in everything and be greatful for what I have and what I can do. I am amazing, I can ace anything I put my time, and mind to. The relationship is done however, he no longer wants to be in a relationship with me. it hurts, but know that your beautiful, and are a great, and fun person, maybe he knows that, but still is not interested. Of corse i want him to be interested, but hes not calling and hes with someone else. That pretty much proves he is not interested. And that is OKAY. It sucks super bad cause I loved him. But I never got the chance to tell him in our short 8 mo. relationship.

 

Its impossible to figure someone else out. But I know that after 11 days NC and I have not heard from him, after being in contact everyday for 8 months, that its over. He no longer wants anything to do with me.

 

Thoughts please.

Edited February 9, 2014 by amelady74

[FailedFirstLove]

I feel your pain, I'm so happy you know it's over and done and don't live on hope like me...

 

They are gone... They really are, there's nothing we can do.. The more we push the more they will hate us.

 

I wish I could hate it would make it easier to move on. Maybe that's what he wanted, for you to hate him so that you would move on.

[amelady74]

thats sure what it feels like but I have no idea.

[FailedFirstLove]

How are you dealing with it? Do u keep your occupied? Are you on the emotional roller coaster too?

[Merenwen]

I am just feeling a bit sad now, because I know that its over, hes gone, its done. I feel that there is no way to salvage this, and that in itself makes me feel so sad. Its aweful to think, but he simple lost interest in me.its been 11 days since we ended, and hes already moved on to seeing someone new. It hurts me so painfully that this is reality.

 

This is what I feel, maybe the reality is completely different, but our ending was so hurtful I thought, that it makes me feel that he wanted me to hate him.

 

But I never wanted to feel that, so betrayed, so used, so unimportant.

 

But this is not how I am. I know I am worthy of being loved, and dont deserve to be treated the way I was. I am important and I dont need to live life hurt, and sad. I am choosing to feel this way. I need to look for joy in everything and be greatful for what I have and what I can do. I am amazing, I can ace anything I put my time, and mind to. The relationship is done however, he no longer wants to be in a relationship with me. it hurts, but know that your beautiful, and are a great, and fun person, maybe he knows that, but still is not interested. Of corse i want him to be interested, but hes not calling and hes with someone else. That pretty much proves he is not interested. And that is OKAY. It sucks super bad cause I loved him. But I never got the chance to tell him in our short 8 mo. relationship.

 

Its impossible to figure someone else out. But I know that after 11 days NC and I have not heard from him, after being in contact everyday for 8 months, that its over. He no longer wants anything to do with me.

 

Thoughts please.

 

Time heals all wounds. It is true. From what I have read so far you are trying to stay positive about yourself. He really isn't worth all the time your thinking about him. And I know, yes it is hard, but you have to tell yourself that you're only allowed to think about him for a certain amount of time. Start small, let's say, only think about him when you are not at work/school than try to reduce the amount of time you Will think about him.

 

It is also important to believe in the positive thoughts. Your "inner critic" is trying to pull you down. You always have to question negative thoughts. Questions you can ask yourself are:

 

Is this thought true? How do you know that it is true? If so what does it matter if it's true? What is the worst thing that can happen?

 

Try to make neutral/positive thoughts of the negative ones. For example he does not love me. Well I don't know because he never told me (you can never just assume it's true). Or if he told me, what does it matter, Well I love him and I want him to love me back. Ok so he doesn't... Why is it so important for you that he loved you? Etc. Etc. Positive thoughts that really help me are: it is his opinion that does not make me .... Or I want to be accepted/loved but not everyone can love/accept me, that does not make me wrong, it is their right to feel how they do. Things like that. Find something that sticks to you and just try to use them. Hell even put sticky notes with the positive thoughts on them on your notebook/furniture/pc etc. If that helps you.

[amelady74]

yes your right, just because I think I know whats going on, I really dont. and even if his thoughts are negetive about me now. I cant do anything about that. all I can do is to try to think positively and like you said try to not think of him.

 

Even though I know its over, I must be holding on to some sort of hope because Im still idolizing him. And I dont believe he is any better than I am. And maybe im jealous. Im not sure of what. the other girl? I dont think so.

 

It hard to believe and grosses me out that he sleeping with someone else. and can just drop me like its nothing.

 

And i guess im embarrassed or something because I dont even want to talk to my family about it. They know what happened, but in me dealing with it right now, I dont even want to talk to them about it. Which is different than Ive done in the past.

 

I am trying so hard to just let the time pass me by, so that the " healing time" will just be gone in a flash. But its not working. Im in pain. Hes with someone new and Im not.

 

I think its so crappy the way he did it, im so mad at him.

 

sigh, I could go on and on...

 

It still wont bring him back. nothing will

 

it would be to hard I think to be with him now that hes decided to go with someone else.

 

That has to be the most painful thing anyone could do. immediately after.

 

But I have to be strong, i have no choice but to keep my head up and laugh and have fun and go out on other dates.

 

Im having a hard time focusing on what I need to get done which totally sucks.

[amelady74]

How are you dealing with it? Do u keep your occupied? Are you on the emotional roller coaster too?

Yeah I feel so sad. I try to keep occupied and that helps, but It doesnt fully take the pain away.

[BDL]

The way you describe his actions in the first post suggests to me he is emotionally unstable and not relationship material. He will never make you happy and you deserve to be happy. Dump him and find someone better.

[amelady74]

1. He started seeing someone new

2. He would not commit

3. He didn't respect me.

4. He was rude to me when we broke up

5. He threw me away!

6. He was aweful in public

7. He never held my hand

8. He never took me out on dates.

9. he left most times right after sex.

10. He never tried to hang out during the day, before his work (swing shift 6-2 am) or on his days off.

11. He always had an excuse.

12. He never took responsibility for any thing he did wrong. He never took the wheel in the relationship, I was supposed to make everything happen. He never took reponsibility for anything he did wrong ( would just pin it on me ) or trying to actually hang out with me and do stuff.

13. He only made time for me when he got off work at 2 AM

14. He didnt understand how much time my school work took.

15. He was uneducated.

16. He would cancel plans at the last minute ( the few plans that were made.)

17. He would say he wanted to take me out places, but then it wouldnt happen.

18.If anything went wrong, it was always my fault.

19.He began mostly texting me and never calling me.

20.He wasnt there when I needed him the most. ie: when I felt sick, felt lonely or scared?... he would ignore my texts, and then text me later as if he never got the text.

21.He would cut me off

 

I am not sure why I would want to hold on to someone who treated me this way. And of corse regardless I accepted it and became attached. But this is the reality. All the nice things he did are irrelevant. what is relevant and real is all these things I have just listed.

 

Thoughts...

[SadNLonley]

Wow. Good for you to move on. Each time you get sad about the BU, read this list. Print it and keep it in your purse if need be.

 

I may actually try that myself.

[flightplan]

One more:

 

22. He's now somebody else's problem.

[signal]

Keep going with your positives. Wish I was as strong as you

[lauri]

This is an amazing list.

 

You hit the head right on the nail with this - wish I had come across this when I was hurting the most but I'm sure it will help many of the others here on LS now.

 

Keep up the positive attitude - only a matter of time until you find someone worth your time, energy and effort.

[amelady74]

Keep going with your positives. Wish I was as strong as you

 

everyone has the strength to be positive! I am still a ways off from being over it. But seriously taking a good look at reality of " how they acted towards you" I mean the crap they did... It really gives you a different perspective. Hes not this amazing guy who I wish I was with. Hes not as cool as he wants me to think he is. He thinks hes so hot because he can act like that and make me feel like Im no good? Hes not that hot.

 

I really wish I was completely over it, Im not, but I do know that I will be. I will be so much better off without this person, as you can clearly see from the list I created. He wasnt adding to my life, he was only taking away and making me feel down about myself, and holding me back from the great person I am.

 

You should feel the same way, you are awesome too. No one deserves to be second best, or a convienence for anyone else. No one deserves to be treated this way.

 

Chances are its nothing to do with me, and its his own insecurities, and he just wants to put it off on me or control me somehow to make himself feel better?

 

Anyways. You can do it. we can do it. we can get over them, we deserve love, we deserve to be happy. and he is causing me unhappiness and so I have to cut him out. and recognize all the crap and what the relationship REALLY was.

[amelady74]

One more:

 

22. He's now somebody else's problem.

23. He never introduced me to his family in 8 months.

24. He wanted to know where I thought the relationship was going, ( of corse I said I wanted it to progress ) then immediately after I said that, he said hurtful things like, " I dont think its going to work out" " I cant see myself with you" "were too different" " I like doing this(X), and you dont like that "( even though I did like X.

25. when he left my house he would wave good bye and smile, after breaking my heart.

[Gemini x]

I'm actually working on the same thing. I'm making a list of the negatives and am going to read them when I'm feeling sad or lonely.

 

I've also thought about writing a letter to him expressing all of my hurt and anger, sealing the envelope, and never sending it to him. I have so many things I want to say and I feel like addressing it to him in a letter will help me to move on. This way I can express myself and not feel sadness by him not replying back to me or by him not giving a ****. I can say everything that's in me, put it away, and carry on with my new life.

[Lifegoezon]

I'm actually working on the same thing. I'm making a list of the negatives and am going to read them when I'm feeling sad or lonely.

 

I've also thought about writing a letter to him expressing all of my hurt and anger, sealing the envelope, and never sending it to him. I have so many things I want to say and I feel like addressing it to him in a letter will help me to move on. This way I can express myself and not feel sadness by him not replying back to me or by him not giving a ****. I can say everything that's in me, put it away, and carry on with my new life.

 

This really works IME as does writing it all in a diary or journal. And it's less tempting to try posting a whole journal in a weak moment.

[amelady74]

actually, looking at the list of this, HE REALLY WASHT EVEN NICE TO ME

[organizedchaos]

Everyone should make a list like this. We often put them up on a pedestal.

[amelady74]

There is such a huge list of what I did not like about him. And most of his behavior was mean, neglectful, selfish, rude, inconsiderate... he took advantage of me, he disrespected me, he knocked me down, he used me. He really wasnt even nice to me. I have to REALLY take a look at that and realize how aweful he really was to me. I just have to thank god I am done with that situation and know that my life is not over. I do not need to hurt about someone who was really an ugly person on the inside. Someone who turned ugly to me. I wont let him have this control over me.

Weather or not I am with anyone else, I am better off without him. Thank god it ended sooner rather than later. He wouldve only become increasingly abusive to me and I would be in a much worse place than I am now. Thank god he isnt calling you. I trust that I will be okay because I will. I trust that happiness is near, once I crawl out of this dark tunnel where he lives. But I am crawling, and soon Ill be walking, and then running. Never looking back at the dark tunnel, but at the bright beautiful tunnel full of real love.

 

If the relationship ended, something wasn't working. Its sad. And Im sure each person in the situation took something from it, and has there own feelings about it.

 

Either way I am important, and I need to focus on the best things in the world to me. My goals. Start with little goals and then start expanding your goals.

 

Love yourself

 

Your wonderful

 

Your amazing

 

You can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

[amelady74]

your words are harsh, but sadly they are true. my ex left me for someone else two weeks ago. and I feel like total shT. I feel like im not good enough, like that girl had something better to offer, and like hes a jerk. I think I am waiting for him to come back. Even though I tell myself that I never want to speak to him again. I cant seem to just block his number for good.

 

I feel as tho he never cared about me, and that hurts me tremendously. but I really didnt beg or plea when he told me he was seeing someone new. I kinda lightly cursed him out instead... told him things like I was an idiot for trusting you.. Because honestly I was. There were red flags but I ignored them. I really believe the only reason I was even with him was because I was lonely, he was cute, and we had "chemistry" but in reality he was not a good person. he was shiny on the outside, but on the inside he was emotionally abusive, and acted like a little fcking kid. ( he was 6 years younger than me) and he even told me once that he was intimidated by me because I was a little further along in life... I just blown away.

 

And from what ive seen of his behavior so far, he will hold that against me and act like it was my fault. but thats just his excuse for him leaving being ok.

 

The sad truth is that he lost interest in me. And that is really killing my self esteem right now. Im not sure why I would want to hold on to someone who makes me feel like Im not good enough.

 

Its not like either of us was more attractive, I think I am an attractive person. I went out the other night, and I met new people and have 4 potential dates in the future. So I mean I know its not really a physical inadequacy. But maybe it was, I did gain 10 lbs when we were together and I think that could have turned him off. of corse ive lost it now because I can barely eat, and I realize I became comfortable with him and didnt take care of myself as well as I should. Thats when you know the break up was the right thing when you feel like you have to work on yourself a ton. But maybe thats just me feeling inadequate right now because he left me, for someone supposedly better.

 

There are many reasons that he could have left. the thing that bothers me the most is that he never really even tried to work it out. He didnt talk to me about the things that where bothering him, nothing. He just took off and then blamed everything on me. No explanation really, he just said " Im hurt with you" and then two days later tells me to leave him alone and that hes seeing someone else. We talked everyday and things were seemingly fine untill out of the blue he just bails.

 

Point is, he left, and he didnt care that much about me. the only way he is coming back is if he ends up alone, or gets bored with this new chick.

 

My mind set is totally fcked up. Because I miss him like crazy and want him back.but at the same time I never want to speak to him again.

[Philosoraptor]

So you understand this issue is more about you, not about him. Put your focus on healing yourself and regaining your self esteem.

 

You already say that if he comes back it's simply to use you until he bounces again once he's bored of you. So don't let that happen. Take charge and control of your life and you will find that self esteem issue a little better and your sense of self worth grows bounds.

 

The person who he jumped to is certainly not better. In fact, you're better than him. You have the important traits that any decent man would desire in a partner. You have loyalty and compassion. Sorry you wasted your emotions on a piece of scum who didn't deserve all you had to offer. Heal up, focus on yourself, eventually move on, and in time you will find someone who is worth every bit of what you have to offer.