singme2sleep Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) Ever since my ex and I broke up last year, I've been an emotional wreck. I thought he was The One and all that other fairy tale garbage. But it's time to face facts that he isn't coming back, in the end he just didn't love me enough. I'm not writing this to complain, whine or sound cynical...yet I hate when people tell you that "you've got your whole life ahead of you" and "you'll find somebody better to love" etc. The truth is that may never happen. Maybe there are people out there who do end up alone! It was always my biggest fear and now I think I need to confront it because life isn't a fairy tale. The Prince has moved on. I read an article that said a high percentage of women are greatly afraid of ending up as lonely bag ladies. Well I think we need to stop looking for a love that will complete us and admit that not everybody gets the 'white picket fence' happy ending. Some of us, men or women, end up alone and maybe that's okay. Edited February 9, 2014 by singme2sleep 2
Haydn Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Not your prince. Another one is waiting. I am certain. Keep going. Ever since my ex and I broke up last year, I've been an emotional wreck. I thought he was The One and all that other fairy tale garbage. But it's time to face facts that he isn't coming back, in the end he just didn't love me enough. I'm not writing this to complain, whine or sound cynical...yet I hate when people tell you that "you've got your whole life ahead of you" and "you'll find somebody better to love" etc. The truth is that may never happen. Maybe there are people out there who do end up alone! It was always my biggest fear and now I think I need to confront it because life isn't a fairy tale. The Prince has moved on. I read an article that said a high percentage of women are greatly afraid of ending up as lonely bag ladies. Well I think we need to stop looking for a love that will complete us and admit that not everybody gets the 'white picket fence' happy ending. Some of us, men or women, end up alone and maybe that's okay.
Tryingtobegrateful Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 agree. So many friends telling me oh you will find a better one that you deserve But they are either single or imo not with a really good partner 1
dozer561 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 i feel where your coming from, i dont know how old you are, but im 36, just out of a 7yr relationship, and struggling to fight off the thoughts of never getting to get married/settle down/ have a family... life unfortunately is a numbers game, and its all random chance, im just hoping to not be a statistic and be one of the "grow old alone and die" numbers.... get out there and live..... yes it sounds trivial, but fight through the pity party and go kick some ass,,,, i know its easier said than done, BTW i need to take my own advice... 3
Haydn Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I guess it takes a long as it does. I would never presume to think this is easy. It has been hell for me. Yes taking our own advice is a nightmare. But i do think that if someone left you (like they did me and you). They are not the one for us. Does not mean i will just hook up with anyone not to be lonely. 2
Author singme2sleep Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 i feel where your coming from, i dont know how old you are, but im 36, just out of a 7yr relationship, and struggling to fight off the thoughts of never getting to get married/settle down/ have a family... life unfortunately is a numbers game, and its all random chance, im just hoping to not be a statistic and be one of the "grow old alone and die" numbers.... get out there and live..... yes it sounds trivial, but fight through the pity party and go kick some ass,,,, i know its easier said than done, BTW i need to take my own advice... I'm 26. Maybe I sound silly but I don't find that kind of deep connection with just anybody, not like how it was with my ex. Wish I was able to move on as quickly as he did...but it scares me to think that was my chance at real happiness and I blew it somehow. 2
Author singme2sleep Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 I guess it takes a long as it does. I would never presume to think this is easy. It has been hell for me. Yes taking our own advice is a nightmare. But i do think that if someone left you (like they did me and you). They are not the one for us. Does not mean i will just hook up with anyone not to be lonely. Me either, I never do casual hookups. It took a lot for me to open up the way I did in that relationship and I truly thought it was forever. I want to get married someday and have kids, but if that doesn't happen I need to find a way to be alright. Am I making sense?
Haydn Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I understand. I believed the sun shone out of my ex`s behind. `She was the one.... `She was not and the sad thing is that it took her to leave me to see just how much she was not the one. Took time. If she had not left me my life could have been false for however long it took me to see that she was not what i thought. You are 26, lots of time for kids and prince`s. I am sure you will be a great mother. Me either, I never do casual hookups. It took a lot for me to open up the way I did in that relationship and I truly thought it was forever. I want to get married someday and have kids, but if that doesn't happen I need to find a way to be alright. Am I making sense? 2
Author singme2sleep Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 You are 26, lots of time for kids and prince`s. I am sure you will be a great mother. Thank you, I truly appreciate that.
Tripz Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 What Haydn said is true. When we are young (you are still really young Sing), you think that you have to have that prince right away. We never know going into a relationship where it will lead, but our heart and our previous experiences tell us, sometimes falsely, that this is THE ONE. I was married to MY ONE at the age of 24. It's now been 25 years and she left me, seemingly pretty easily, for a really effed up alcoholic friend of ours. Fairly close friend, considering while he was still married, our two families spent 4 different Thanksgivings together. So...people change, events happen, sometimes we get complacent or lazy. Doesn't matter, breakups happen, even to OUR ONE. THe thinking that needs to quickly come into play, is that we still have the value to someone as we ever did. We need to believe that we can have A NEW ONE someday, as well. But, for me, I'm not going to go looking for THE ONE. I'll spend the time needed to fix things in me. Get myself back to a place of confidence that I once had when I met MY ONE. With that AND having a LOT more experience, my NEW ONE, should the time come, will hopefully benefit from an even better prince. I'm only 8 weeks since the conversation we had that our long journey together has ended, so it's still very raw. I'm not even going to worry about another person in my life right now. I'm not going to waste energy wondering if I'll ever have someone or will be alone. Why? Why should I even think that way? Firstly, I have no idea what the future holds, none of us do. When I met my wife, I wasn't looking for a long term relationship, just someone to have fun with. That's actually a lot easier to find than trying to find the one to spend the rest of your life with, right? So once you do some soul searching and do decide to get back out there, just look for people to have fun with. It will take a lot of the pressure off. Look, I'm not even there myself yet, but this is how I'm rationalizing and dealing with it, myself. It really seems to be working. My attitude is changing and it also helps me move past my booboo's and owwies from my breakup. I still will always have to deal with my STBXW, because we have a child together, but my new way of thinking helps me do that as well. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 How are you today Sing? I'm ok so far. But I did fall asleep last night listening to sad songs...
Haydn Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Try not listen to any `Smiths this week`, Thats your homework! Keep pushing forward, you will get there. I'm ok so far. But I did fall asleep last night listening to sad songs... 2
Author singme2sleep Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Try not listen to any `Smiths this week`, Thats your homework! Keep pushing forward, you will get there. Trying to, but I still can't make myself believe I will find someone else. #hopeless
Never Again Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Trying to, but I still can't make myself believe I will find someone else. #hopeless Well, you provided an answer to this concern in your first post: Some of us, men or women, end up alone and maybe that's okay. I get that it's easier said than done. I'm 8-months post-BU and I still have days where all I feel is the hole in my heart. You'll get there. We all do eventually.
Haydn Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Sing you are not hopeless! You are hurt! Never hopeless ok?! This will pass. But it will take time. So have a look at yourself and see how much you have to give to someone who deserves it. Trust me there will be many! Trying to, but I still can't make myself believe I will find someone else. #hopeless 2
h3braica Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 I feel the same way as you do sing. thought I am okay but I am not. been a year since the BU but I still feel the pain of losing him. it's a 10 yr LDR.
RaidDolEm78 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Sing, I feel the same exact way. I literally just posted a thread how I thought I would try an online dating site out because I thought I was ready. I'm not ready, which I've known but wanted to prove myself wrong. I'm ok with being alone for the rest of my life because I definitely don't want to go through this again. And I work better alone anyway. All that relationship/love stuff was an added bonus as far as I'm concerned. Not necessary but nice if you get it. Anyway, you're not alone. I truly get how you feel. 1
muffin Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Singme2sleep, I just wanted to encourage you to be your most authentic self. Do things you enjoy and find the support of friends. If you don't want to live your life single from now on, there's no reason you should have to. There's no such thing as it being "in the cards" or destined that anyone be alone or find happiness. It's all about the intentions we set and the choices we make. Heavens, at 26 you are still a kid! You are even still plenty young enough to have children. It may seem unlikely right now, but there will be someone else who catches your eye and your heart, probably more so than the ex ever did. Expect it. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 Singme2sleep, I just wanted to encourage you to be your most authentic self. Do things you enjoy and find the support of friends. If you don't want to live your life single from now on, there's no reason you should have to. There's no such thing as it being "in the cards" or destined that anyone be alone or find happiness. It's all about the intentions we set and the choices we make. Heavens, at 26 you are still a kid! You are even still plenty young enough to have children. It may seem unlikely right now, but there will be someone else who catches your eye and your heart, probably more so than the ex ever did. Expect it. Thanks, and I really hope you're right!
h3braica Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 sing you're only 26 and I am 34. All of my friends were already married and have kids. Me? I wasted my 10 yrs believing in a cheater, believing in a man who will spend the rest of his life with me, believing that he will merry me someday and have kids with him. where is he now? he's gone. he return to his ex. I tried to stop him but he laugh and ask me if it's okay to me to be a mistress. For 10 long years he kept it from me. He used me to test his ex. I trust him so much that I let him talk to his ex for the kid's financial support. The 10 yr relationship is a lie.
iouaname Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Sometimes I feel like this, as well. I don't know that I'll ever meet someone who I can have a meaningful relationship with... but I try not to focus on it. Why focus on something I can't control? I try to focus on what I can control (my immediate happiness) and I try to just remain optimistic about what the future holds for me. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted February 19, 2014 Author Posted February 19, 2014 Sometimes I feel like this, as well. I don't know that I'll ever meet someone who I can have a meaningful relationship with... but I try not to focus on it. Why focus on something I can't control? I try to focus on what I can control (my immediate happiness) and I try to just remain optimistic about what the future holds for me. That is truly a great way to look at it, I admire you.
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