Telling parents about secret realtionship

[GH3]

Hello everyone, I've been in a secret, long distance relationship for seven months. In order to understand my problem, it's necessary to know how I ended up in this position.

 

 

So the short hand version: I met my love during my senior high school year at a college campus (he happens to be bit older than me). We talked for 4 months and then decided that we wanted to be together.

 

 

Sounds simple, but the problem: My mother meets him, thinks he's a cool person, but the day we decided we wanted to be together officially, we spend a little too long talking about it and end up coming late to my very, very upset mother.

 

 

Mother disapproves for several reasons:

1. she thinks we're both immature

2. He hasn't finished school yet (although he's dangerously close)

3. She doesn't want me to date anyone (although I'm 18 and going to university full-time)

4. She doesn't want me to get distracted from school (although I've talked to him often and managed to graduate from college classes with honors while in high school)

 

 

So what happens: We used to call each other often, but my mother told me he shouldn't call late at night (I thought fair enough, the reason he did was his 12-13 hour job)

 

 

We call each other during his work breaks: Mother says I shouldn't talk to him as often or provoke any interest on his part.

 

 

To make sure I don't: She almost gets rid of the household unlimited plan, checks my texts, obtains my Facebook password, checks my phone records, and tells me to charge all my devices in the kitchen

 

 

At this point I had enough, so: I change my Facebook password, she got angry, says I will be watched 24/7 at university (don't worry, she has no means of doing that), and threatened to not help me with my college expenses

 

 

Did I panic? Yes, I did.

 

 

My love and I talked about it: Since we couldn't see or call each other, we waited until I moved to university ( 1 hour and 10 minutes away from my parents, 1 hour and away from him)

 

 

We've been together 7 months now and he visits every two weeks. However, now hiding my relationship from my parents and half the world has become a bit emotionally troublesome for me.

 

 

I talked to him about it and he suggested:

1. We stop (we don't want to do that and we'd eventually just end up seeing each other again)

2. We tell my parents and if they decide to cut me off, I could pay rent at his parents' house and live there (although I don't know how school would work out)

3. we wait until I can finally stand on my own and then tell (hopefully that'll be in the near future like somewhere in the next two semesters, but I'm not sure)

 

 

We want our relationship to work out, but he says it's important for me to be holding up well. I know I'm not limited to those three specific options, so what can I do?

[FitChick]

I'm surprised that your mother allowed you to move away if she is footing the bill.

 

Don't rock the boat. What she doesn't know can't hurt her. If she somehow finds out, pretend that he just contacted you that day and not that you've been seeing him all along.

 

Oh, yeah, and make sure you have very good birth control and use it every time, no exceptions.

[GH3]

Haha, well we're okay in that department.

[Noproblem]

Don't tell her and ruin your relationship

 

in time you will find if this guy is good for you or not

 

Meanwhile:

Enjoy your time

Study hard to succeed

Make friends

no sex or safe sex

 

No need to be in panic, everything that is in secret is a lot of fun

2 years from now and you will be 20 and old enough to tell them

 

Just in the end, don't do anything that you'll regret later

Just because you are in love, doesn't mean you have to go over the red lines

If you deep down inside see this guy is not good for you or feels something wrong in your relationship

You can always end it.

Edited February 10, 2014 by Noproblem

[HokeyReligions]

Who is paying for your college and living expenses? How are your grades?

 

If your parents are paying do you plan on paying them back after school?

 

I don't like secrecy.

[GH3]

My grades have not suffered since I entered university or commenced a relationship because my boyfriend and I agreed to maintain a balance. (So far I had A's and B's). Yes my parents are paying for my college expenses, but soon I hope to get a full scholarship. In the end yes, I believe it will be possible to pay them back.

[GH3]

My grades have not suffered since I entered university or commenced a relationship because my boyfriend and I agreed to maintain a balance. (So far I had A's and B's). Yes my parents are paying for my college expenses, but soon I hope to get a full scholarship. In the end yes, I believe it will be possible to pay them back.

[Eivuwan]

My grades have not suffered since I entered university or commenced a relationship because my boyfriend and I agreed to maintain a balance. (So far I had A's and B's). Yes my parents are paying for my college expenses, but soon I hope to get a full scholarship. In the end yes, I believe it will be possible to pay them back.

 

Y A's and B's? Why not A+'s? Just kidding. I think that just because your parents pay for your college education doesn't mean that they get to own you. You're an adult. It's time to make your own decisions and even your own mistakes. Your mom seems way too controlling so I would just keep it a secret. What makes you want to tell her?

[GH3]

Well it's just feelings that built up over time. I became unsure of whether I was being an adult about this or not. On one hand, I know I can handle school and a relationship, but hiding it means I'm still being controlled and that I can't see my boyfriend freely. I feel angry too because I feel like I should have that freedom, but I also run the risk of not being able to finish school. Sometimes I could care less if my mother finds out (my father is miles away so he can't do much) so that I could just break away from everything. Of course, I don't want to be make any hectic decisions that could end badly.