imperfectangel Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 idk if many people are left that know my story, a few weeks ago someone suggested I needed "one more round" before I'd had enough well, I got that round and along with it some answers though painful knowing that I meant nothing to him, he basically admitted to just using me, makes it much easier for me to deal with. to me it shows that no matter what I did or didn't do it wouldn't of made a difference he said and did whatever he had to to get whatever it was he wanted at that time it suck and I wish I hadn't been so naive yes but he's the one with the problem, not me. he was/is a liar I was dumb to think he was only lying to his wife and not me the only thing I did wrong was TRUST him. I believed all the crap he routinely came out with I was nothing to him just a toy he could play with whenever he felt like it so if you're struggling with nc like I always have the.ln sometimes maybe you do need that last round - if you do break nc at least use that contact to get answers I needed closure and although the outcome isn't what I ever imagined I can move on now knowing that he was/is a complete douche (sorry for any spelling errors I'm on my phone) 1
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 he basically admitted to just using me, makes it much easier for me to deal with. to me it shows that no matter what I did or didn't do it wouldn't of made a difference he said and did whatever he had to to get whatever it was he wanted at that time He's a shi.t. But hey at least he was honest and even though he said stuff you didn't want to hear, it puts things into perspective and you're right - He did you a huge favour and it'll be much easier to get over him knowing the truth. It kills what you felt for him, knocks him off the pedstal he was on and kills the fantasy of it all. You are free Angel, I'm so happy for you!! I know you must be hurting but this is a good thing. Hugs to you. 3
Author imperfectangel Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 I know you must be hurting but this is a good thing. Hugs to you. that's the strange thing, other than a little cry I don't feel sad I don't miss him because the man I thought I knew doesnt exist the nice guy image was just that, a image. he was only nice to me when he wanted something a huge weight has been lifted *breathes*
sunburned Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 that's the strange thing, other than a little cry I don't feel sad I don't miss him because the man I thought I knew doesnt exist the nice guy image was just that, a image. he was only nice to me when he wanted something a huge weight has been lifted *breathes*[/QUOTE] Namaste, imperfect angel! so, not to be the wet blanket ... as I'm glad you are at peace with the only decision that made sense ... but it could get harder before it gets better. I say that purely based on the hundreds of stories I've read here. Adrenaline keeps us going for a while, then there's a crash/longing/pining, then the real recovery begins. Just don't succumb if/when you hit that rough patch. Come here instead. (((hugs))) 2
Author imperfectangel Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 I understand what you mean, but every time I think of him I re read those emails & it def isn't a fairy tale I'm reading either! a few days after we "spoke" (was all over email) I admit I did check my phone but not anymore I have nothing to say to him that hasn't already been said 2
sunburned Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I understand what you mean, but every time I think of him I re read those emails & it def isn't a fairy tale I'm reading either! a few days after we "spoke" (was all over email) I admit I did check my phone but not anymore I have nothing to say to him that hasn't already been said That's the spirit! One of my favorite signature quotes here belongs to BruisedNBroken: When the past texts, don't answer. It has nothing new to say. 1
PurpleCardigan Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I'm sorry that you are having to go through this, although the closure seems to be helping you. I'd caution you to anticipate future contact. I'm in LC with my xMM -- only for work -- and the last week or so he's been trying to reconnect. Previously contact was only via work email (which is public information) and now he's texting me, using my special nickname, asking personal questions, connecting via our old inside jokes, etc. With the exception of asking if he was getting a divorce (the answer was "no, you know my situation." which code for keeping his family intact) I don't respond to anything personal. Work only. For now I can't block via text for work, but in a few months I will as my job will change. But from reading here, many xMM/MW come back in the future sometimes months or a year. Be strong and I wish you the best!!
wasntlooking Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 This is what i have been debating during my NC period. I initiated it four months ago with an email and got a little " its ok" response back. Thats it. I have been struggling not having closure. I wish i could just get fhat last contact and ask him what i was to him. He said nothing when i broke it off but thoss two words. I really think it would help me move on more even if he said he used me. I really just want to know. I know most guys arent good communicators of their emotions but to just leave me hanging really sucks. Im glad you feel better. I wonder if i should try it but then some days i say no way.
wasntlooking Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Obviously ive had time to think over Nc for four mnths and i really dont want to go back to the A. I will always remember him but dont think its wise to start anything again so that temptation is gone so i really would just want to talk to him and just ask why no response. Even if he said he never cared, id be hurt but its so much better thsn guessing
Author imperfectangel Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) just to clarify he never flat out said hed been using me but something was said (really any remember) and he basically denied ever saying ILY, now I was part of that convo lol I know what was said and he said it about 100 times but anyhoo apparently he just meant he loves having sex with me (?) whenever hed said he wanted to be with me he just meant sexually. yeah, go figure. strangely the final nail was when he compared me in bed to being in bed with his wife. I know it sounds bizzare but right there he was so disrespectful to his wife I couldn't believe it. that was the end for me and I think he knew it after that he said I was vile & disgusting for stringing along a happily married man (WT actual F) how do you deal with someone that won't take any responsibility for their actions. I saw right there what kind of man he was and it wasn't the kind of man I wanted in my life, in any way shape or form it's his wife I feel sorry for but for the sake of his kids (yes another kid I knew nothing about!) I cant expose Edited February 10, 2014 by imperfectangel
wasntlooking Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Wow, thats horrible...im so sorry but then again it does make getting over him that much easier........sometimes i wish my XMM would have done or said some of those things it really does take them off their pedestal and makes getting over them so much easier. 1
Author imperfectangel Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 this is why I never blocked him or strictly went nc because I knew in my heart I needed that closure what works for one person won't work for another more than once I got in touch with him and told him how I felt its sad that he pretended he felt the same way but that says more about him than me. I can't make him be a good person and by that I don't mean if he left his wife he would be a good person but there's a difference between treating people like sh.it and treating people with respect I'm still trying to figure out how someone strings along a happily married man lol
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