chau_nnguyen Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I having been going out with this guy for over a month now, we talked via msg a week before our first date. At the start everything seems so great and wonderful, he's such a gentlemen and sweet to me when we at home or in public, he has a full time job so we only meet on the weekends but every time we met it was so excited, we did so much thing together and he always said he's the happiest guy in the world coz he's having me as his gf and am who he was looking for, he always talk about taking me to places that I haven't been at or do things that I would never want to try and us visit my home country or somewhere else. We normally talk via msg, he's always make sure that he answers most of my questions or things I say in the texts, barely get a short text from him within 5 words. Things went so well then suddenly the problem occurs, he became pretty distance in the last few days, he didn't reply my msg as quick as he used to, and he didn't try to talk to me or want to see me this weekend at all. He said he always get tired from work b/c he has to get up like 5am works till 3pm then gets home and doesn't want to do anything beside lies on the couch and relax. But he did manage to see once in weekdays every week beside the weekend. Im 110% sure he's not cheating on me b/c I checked his phone every time we met and there was nothing. So since I noticed the change in him, I finally stepped up and texted him asked if I did/said something wrong that upset and make him became so distance, he said no, he just feels drained and ****ty and it seems like everything getting him down lately, I tried to be supportive and understanding to make him feel better but just didn't work. So last night I ended up sent him a text and he just answered me like 5 hours ago. Please bear with me and read the text, I don't know if he wants to break up with me or wants me to be there till he fixes himself up! Please help, Im super depressed as he is right now! I wrote: Guess you are properly in bed already. Im sorry that I cant do anything to help you through this tuff time, I know you are depressed and tired of work, your bosses and the house things and they are stressing you out a lot but dont let them affect you and make you neglect yourself, you have to look at it in the bright way baby, look at what you have achieved so far, you are only 23 and you have plenty of time to accomplish your goals, recently Im feeling like you aint interested in me anymore and try to avoid me rather than tell me upfront, I dont know if you feel the same but I do care for you and will be here if you need someone to talk to, but in meantime since we dont talk much like we used to anymore, I guess I should give you your own space and time alone to work things out for yourself. I hope you can see thing differently and stop judging yourself too much, you are doing great and everything will be just fine. No matter what you're choosing to do, I hope you will always be happy and enjoy your life to the fullest! xoxo He replied: Carli, I'm sorry for being such an ******* to you these last few days by not talking to you, I feel really **** about it, and I have no excuses for why I treated you like that. I just really don't feel like I am myself right now. And I'm feeling like I can't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, because I can't even treat myself right. You are an amazing girl Carli, you're so sweet and lovely... And I feel like if I'm neglecting myself, ill end up neglecting you too. And I really don't want to hurt you... You're too good for that. I really just need to get myself together first before I'm ready for a full on relationship. I hope you can understand Carli... It's not just my happiness on the line, it's yours too. You deserve to be so happy ❤ xxxxxx HEPL please, any advice would be appreciated!!!
Copelandsanity Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 A good rule-of-thumb when it comes to guys: Take everything literally. If he says he's not ready for a relationship, it means he doesn't want one with you right now. So unless you're willing to agree to a FWB, I would let him go. 2
HappyLove Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Move on, he sounds like someone who doesn't need to be dating anyone right now. He has a lot of issues. Your text to him was very kind. 3
BradJacobs Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Move on, he sounds like someone who doesn't need to be dating anyone right now. He has a lot of issues. Your text to him was very kind. A big helping of the above. You like him. He doesn't like himself. You can't fix this so don't try.
TaraMaiden Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 There's no point in you asking whether you should leave him. FYI.... he's just dumped you..... I really just need to get myself together first before I'm ready for a full on relationship. I hope you can understand Carli... It's not just my happiness on the line, it's yours too. You deserve to be so happy He considers the relationship over. Do you not get that?
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Let me guess, he was just out of a relationship. No, you do not wait for this man to fix himself up. When he is ready to go back to the dating scene doesn't mean he will want to go back to you. I am sorry, let this one go. Be glad it was just 1 month invested into him. 2
Author chau_nnguyen Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Thanks everyone! I woke up and started seeing thing better now, I just dont understand that this happened to him like only 2 days and he let it affect us but what can I say! Hes just not that into me!
crederer Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I've been in your shoes. It never works out well sticking it out.
Noproblem Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 My best friend was depressed most of the time I tried to fix him up using different possible ways When things was really bad for him he stopped sharing things with me which hurt any friendship and I guess when things got better, he didn't tell me about it Eventually, we stopped talking because You know I was there for him most the time, but you reach that point that you have to let him be on his own to fix things... I can't fix him forever...... And we are talking about a 3 years friend here this guy seems very nice, but he is a one month bf I say, leave him be... Keep things casual like tell him you are there if he needs you as a friend and that's it ...Go on Don't wait, because once he is on his own.. Chances are he is going to pick somebody else meanwhile, you are still the good friend who didn't leave him just because he was depressed 1
Author chau_nnguyen Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Thank you so much for all of your advices, I should properly send him a last msg say "thank you for everything you did for me and wonderful time we spent together, I really hope you will feel better soon coz its breaking my heart seeing you like this, I'll be here if you need me as a friend" What you guys think? Or it sounds way too much? 1
SunnySide0418 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I'd just let it go.. if you keep responding you sound desperate. You already said you are there if he wants to talk. 1
Els Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 If you'd been together for years and he has been with you through your own bad times, I would say try to stay and work things out. This has just been a month. Honestly, really not worth it. It's supposed to be the honeymoon phase and you are already trying to deal with big issues that many long-term couples end up going to couples counseling for. Leave. 2
Author chau_nnguyen Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Well then I guess this it it then!!! Im just so disappointed coz I though I already found my one! So much in common then he just bailed on me!! Finding love isnt that easy as I though! 1
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