TealQueen Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 When I say always, I mean always. The only time He sort of didn't was my birthday right after we started dating. But even then, he had to leave and pick it up, Then come back. And that Christmas he took me to a store to pick something out a little before they closed on Christmas eve. Other than that, evening has been late. Up to a few weeks late. Sometimes he's even told me he ordered it but it got lost in the mail and he had to reorder it... But anyways... it bothers me. It's not like the holidays appear out of nowhere. You can't go anywhere without ads for whatever holiday is approaching. I always have his gifts so early in advance. At least a month. It just makes me feel like he didn't bother with it. He wont do it until completely necessary. I've not told him it bothers me because I don't want it to seem like I'm materialistic or care alot about gifts. Because it's not that. It's the thought. Even if he just showed up with flowers on the actual holiday, I'd be completely happy with that. For example. Valentine's day is in a few days. He's told me he doesn't know what to get me and asked what I'd like. I told him something and he just laughed and that was the end of the conversation. He's off today and instead of going out to try to find something, He's playing video games. I don't know, Maybe I'm wrong in being bothered by this. Am I? We've been dating for nearly 2 years. 1
ASG Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 If it bothers you, you should tell him. Things like these tend to fester and it's clearly starting to. It's not about being materialistic. It's about the thought. And the fact that he doesn't seem to put any thought in it is the actual matter. So, yeah. Talk to him. Tell him it bothers you that he is always late with the gift. And that it doesn't have to be a big thing, just something thoughtful and ON TIME!!
HappyLove Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Does he have money problems? Maybe he gets you the gifts late because that's when he can afford it.
Author TealQueen Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Does he have money problems? Maybe he gets you the gifts late because that's when he can afford it. He doesn't.
HappyLove Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 He doesn't. He probably doesn't realize how hurt you are by it since you've dealt with it for 2 years. I'd let him know it upsets you but don't make it a huge deal. Maybe he's just clueless and thinks it's ok. 1
BradJacobs Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I was like this once. Is this his first relationship? It wasn't as if I didn't love her or I was taking our relationship for granted; I simply never paid attention to the gifting timeline. I would get wrapped up in other projects thinking there was always time to make a quick stop in to the store. Unfortunately that sometimes happened a day or weeks late ... I don't care for gifts. They're nice but they really don't mean squat and I thought she believed the same. After all, that was my first true relationship so I believed that everything left unsaid wasn't an issue. It wasn't until she went into full meltdown mode that I realized how large of a problem this was for her and how much of a jackass I had been. That's probably the best way to approach it. Mention how it makes you feel and how much you would appreciate the effort ahead of time instead of doing things at the last minute. He might not care about gift giving but if he cares about you then he'll begin to make an effort.
Author TealQueen Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 I was like this once. Is this his first relationship? It wasn't as if I didn't love her or I was taking our relationship for granted; I simply never paid attention to the gifting timeline. I would get wrapped up in other projects thinking there was always time to make a quick stop in to the store. Unfortunately that sometimes happened a day or weeks late ... I don't care for gifts. They're nice but they really don't mean squat and I thought she believed the same. After all, that was my first true relationship so I believed that everything left unsaid wasn't an issue. It wasn't until she went into full meltdown mode that I realized how large of a problem this was for her and how much of a jackass I had been. That's probably the best way to approach it. Mention how it makes you feel and how much you would appreciate the effort ahead of time instead of doing things at the last minute. He might not care about gift giving but if he cares about you then he'll begin to make an effort. No, he's had many relationships. It's not that gifts are a big deal. Its the thought. The truth of the matter is, he's going to get me a gift for holidays, birthday, anniversary. Even if I told him not to. I just would like it on time. To know he was thinking about the day/me in advance. Whenever he does get me something, He's always excited about it and asks me a few times if I like it. So I know he even likes the gift giving process. (As do I. I get SO much joy out of planning and giving gifts)
BradJacobs Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 He's always excited about it and asks me a few times if I like it. In my case, that was a way to seek validation that what I did was acceptable. I'm not trying to say that your man and I are one in the same, I'm just trying to offer plausible explanations for his behavior. And, in my experience, people who truly love giving do so ahead of time. He's coming in at the bare minimum and that's not the sign of someone who is wrapped up in the gift giving process.
MixedUpChick Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 No, he's had many relationships. It's not that gifts are a big deal. Its the thought. The truth of the matter is, he's going to get me a gift for holidays, birthday, anniversary. Even if I told him not to. I just would like it on time. To know he was thinking about the day/me in advance. Whenever he does get me something, He's always excited about it and asks me a few times if I like it. So I know he even likes the gift giving process. (As do I. I get SO much joy out of planning and giving gifts) My ex-husband was like this, he never planned ahead when it came to any gift-related holidays for me, & it drove me a little nutty for the same reason you're saying - I wanted to feel like he was EVER making me a priority or treating me like I was special. It never got better, so it's possible your guy won't ever get better in this area no matter what you say to him about it, no matter how much you tell him it bothers you. Decide if it's something you can live with, because you may have to.
Author TealQueen Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Is he on time for everything else? Umm....he's on time for work. He's normally on time when meeting me somewhere. but when it comes to meeting friends and family, he gets there when he gets there. If that was what you meant
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 About presents to other people like his mom, or his kids if he has any. What about Mother's Day, Father's Day, how does he treat those. You have half of the responsibility here. You never mentioned anything so he doesn't know he's doing something wrong. I would use this up coming Valentine's Day to fix it. I would tell him even though you never said anything it hurts your feelings he's never on time with his presents. That this Valentine's Day all you want is a little something 'on time'.
Leigh 87 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 My ex was like this. Turns out, he just wasn't that into me. You can bet your ass that he bends over backwards to please his new girl. He is actually in love with her. He wasn't in love with me therefore his actions aligned with his attitude towards me. Current bf has never forgotten about getting stuff on time. And he has a medically diagnosed MEMORY PROBLEM.
Author TealQueen Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 About presents to other people like his mom, or his kids if he has any. What about Mother's Day, Father's Day, how does he treat those. You have half of the responsibility here. You never mentioned anything so he doesn't know he's doing something wrong. I would use this up coming Valentine's Day to fix it. I would tell him even though you never said anything it hurts your feelings he's never on time with his presents. That this Valentine's Day all you want is a little something 'on time'. Oh. Well, he doesn't really give gifts to anyone except Christmas. Those are on time.
Gaeta Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 ok so this is something else though, everyone else get their present on time at Xmas but not you. hhmm, do you spend Christmas together? Do you visit each other's family? Open your presents with others?
soccerrprp Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Umm....he's on time for work. He's normally on time when meeting me somewhere. but when it comes to meeting friends and family, he gets there when he gets there. If that was what you meant Classic example of a type of person who takes his family and friends for granted. He places them at a lower priority when it comes to certain things. This is not someone who doesn't know what he is doing, it is very calculated, deliberate and based on years of becoming accustomed to not being criticized or challenged for such behavior. Believe me, this will not change for you. The signs, for 2-years are already there. Tell him how you feel and don't let him get away with continuing with this type of behavior if it's that important to you.
HokeyReligions Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Umm....he's on time for work. He's normally on time when meeting me somewhere. but when it comes to meeting friends and family, he gets there when he gets there. If that was what you meant sounds like he greatly takes for granted the people in his life. He needs his job. The job has boundaries. Going to a movie - he knows when it starts. But he takes for granted that the people in his life will always be there and he can partake of their company at his convenience. Its rude and thoughtless. Talk to him about it. Maybe he just needs a wakeup call.
devilish innocent Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) I'll confess that I'm somebody who often gets around to purchasing people's birthday gifts late. I'm not going to try to defend my actions because I do know it's wrong. I will say, though, that I think you should tell him that getting gifts on the actual day of the celebration is something that's pretty important to you. I know if anybody ever said anything like that to me, I'd be much more careful about getting that person's gifts on time. Also, I'd never think somebody was materialistic just because they cared about getting their gifts on time. Edited February 10, 2014 by devilish innocent
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